Stay Strong
by albertadreams
Summary: JISA/ sets in somewhere in Season 11/Spoilers for those who haven't watched S11 yet – You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice
1. Chapter 1

Stay Strong

JISA/ sets in somewhere in Season 11/maybe Spoilers for those who haven't watched S11 yet – You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice

(New story. Not sure yet what the whole story will be like. Step by step. So I am not promising anything and especially no quick updates *sorry*. Hope your are patient enough to follow the story anyway :)  
English is not my native language, so pls excuse any grammatical mistakes.)

Chapter 1

He didn't quite like what he saw. There was too much turmoil on the race track. Several horses were on the track to be galloped down the lane. More were waiting in the starting gate that was about to open any second. On the side stable hands, jockeys and coaches were holding on to prancing animals that waited for their turn to be put into the gate. Loud talking filled the air, next to the consistent snorting and neighing of the nervous horses. It wasn't a racing day yet an important race lay ahead and everyone seemed to go crazy about it.  
So was Lisa.  
Jack couldn't blame her. Since her business had been classified as nearly broke, she was desperately trying to keep it afloat. Every little penny was needed to be passed on to the salary of her employees. She still hadn't dismissed one of them, although the stress of the last months had worn her out. Jack was proud of her for being so strong but he was also worried that it would burn her out soon.  
Right now he was sitting in the first row of the grand stand and watched his wife standing at the side of the race track talking to Amy who stood next to one of Lisa's racing horses – her hope but at the same time greatest worry – Chandelier Glow. The big black horse was a champion. He won several races already but lately seemed to be out of balance and highly stressed which caused him to buck and rear whenever someone sat on him. A case for Amy's healing hands. His granddaughter had been working with him for a couple weeks now, switching back and forth between Heartland and the race track, giving him total care and getting him checked through by Ty and a physical therapist. Chandelier Glow had improved and kept being focused most of the time, doing his job. Still, the source of his behaviour was a mystery. From time to time he would fall back into his pattern and act unpredictable. Amy wasn't satisfied with the current state of the training and was highly skeptical if not to say worried that the horse was ready for such an important race Lisa was counting on. She agreed to let him run in the race only if the test run went well.  
So here they were. Besides all the other horses the black one seemed pretty calm and relaxed which was a good sign.  
Lisa and Amy discusses strategies that were relevant for the racing day. It wouldn't be easy to stand a chance against various top horses. One of them was Dan Hartfield's French Kiss that was everyone's favourite and the bets on him had been running high for weeks. Despite Lisa's stressed situation Dan made sure to remind her of his big win ever so often, especially since she was sending in a horse that was all nuts. Although Jack secretly had to admit that the man wasn't all wrong with his opinion, he was close to send a flying fist into his grinning face. Yet, Lisa held him back. As reasonable as she always was she ignored her ex-husbands derisive comments, not willing to put too much energy into it. There were other worries she had to deal with. Jack admired her coolness in those situation but also knew that his wife was fighting inside. Not only against such jerks like Dan Hartfield but also with herself. It wasn't easy for her to open up and talk about the situation at Fairfield. By now Jack knew which points he had to trigger to make her talk and sometimes she would just break down right in front of him, crying and letting go some of the stress that kept growing from day to day. It hurt to see her like this and since there wasn't much Jack could do, he at least could offer her a strong shoulder to lean on. Sometimes he wondered how much longer she could go on like this. A topic Lisa refused to talk about. Fairfield had been in her family for decades and she would be ashamed of herself to lose it. Not to mention all the people that relied on her.  
Jack sighed. He really hoped the fortune was on her side this time and Chandelier Glow would pull himself together and win this damn race.  
With a loud bang the doors of the starting gate opened yet another time and released three horses that were running in full speed and head on head down the track. Jack followed them with his eyes for a moment before drawing his attention back on his granddaughter and wife. Lisa was holding on to the reins while Amy mounted the horse with the help of one of the men that were running around, looking out where help was needed. Although the guy resolutely sent the young woman up onto the horse's back, Amy made sure to lower herself carefully into the saddle, knowing to treat the animal with caution. But Chandelier Glow seemed calm and Lisa patted his neck. From the distance Jack could see the relieved smiles on both women's lips and couldn't help but smile as well. Everything looked fine so far.  
A new line of horses was formed behind the starting gate, waiting for the back doors to open.  
Again Jack smiled to himself as he saw Lisa still talking to Amy while she rode a cross the track towards the gate. It indeed was an important race for Lisa otherwise she just would let Amy do her work. However this time she tried to make sure everything went well. Her business depended on that horse. Jack was sure, he needed to find a way to distract her until and on the day of the race otherwise she would go crazy and besides that would drive Amy mad as well who had been really patient with her so far. While in thoughts about possible distractions, the black horse suddenly stopped near the gate. Calmly Amy encouraged him to keep moving but he refused to get closer. Jack watched attentively from where he sat. Somehow a bad feeling spread in his gut. Something wasn't right.  
With a frown Jack's eyes moved from Chandelier Glow to the chestnut that stood behind Lisa and next to two other horses that all were waiting at the starting gate. The back doors were still closed. It was uncommon that they would let the horses wait for so long to get in and the result was already visible – nervous and headless horses that couldn't keep their feet still. The jockeys had a hard time to calm them down and the chestnut was the worst of them. His nervousness was reflected in aggression. Backwards pointed ears, clenched lips and scrunched up nostrils were not only signs for humans to stand back but also for Chandelier Glow who swerved to the left and the right as a man was pulling on his reins to move him the last steps towards the starting gate. The chestnut's head swung dangerously through the air, yet Jack seemed to be the only one to notice. Amy was shouting at the man to let go of the reins while Lisa stood behind him with a hand on his shoulder, trying to persuade him that his actions weren't helpful. Jack didn't like that his wife was in the middle of the whole scenario and especially that she stood only a few meters from the chestnut. Awful images were running through his head when he left his seat and started to hurry towards the little side entrance of the race track. He'd better give them a hand before it was too late.  
As Jack passed the people that were standing like frozen in his way, he heard an all too familiar high pitched voice that sent a terrible chill down his spine.  
"Amy! Watch ou-! No no no NO!"  
But Chandelier Glow already jumped forward and with force swung his hindquarters around towards the threatening chestnut yet ended up falling hard against Lisa who was now trapped between the two nearly fighting animals and the still closed starting gate. Her arms flew up into the air, trying to shield herself from the horse's weight.  
It all happened too fast. The next thing Jack saw was his wife being hurled against the starting gate and her head violently hit an iron bar.  
"LISA!", his voice loud and reedy as he squeezed past a couple to get through.  
The riders and men pushed and pulled the panicked horses to get away from the body.  
Yet, in panic to the yelling and hectic Chandelier Glow kept backing up, pressing his side against the woman who seemed to already lean unconsciously against the gate. An awful cracking noise swept across the field.  
"C'mon boy. Go. Move on.", Amy shouted and finally managed to send the horse forward. Like a puppet Lisa immediately went down to the ground, laying there lifeless on the short grass.  
His legs had never carried him so fast. He was almost stumbling across the race track to the other side, trying to keep his eyes on the motionless figure of his wife but horses and people kept blocking the view.  
On his way he saw one of the stable hands bending down and starting to roll Lisa over.  
"STOP! Don't touch her!", he bellowed loudly and as soon as he reached him grabbed the man's collar and pulled him back. The cracking sound still echoed in Jack's ears. Something must have broken and he didn't know what it was. Moving her would probably cause even more damage and in the worst case leave a permanent damage. Falling onto his knees Jack immediately reached for the pulse under her jawbone. Relief washed over him as he felt it right under his trembling fingers. Still, there was not the slightest movement. On her side Lisa lay unconscious in front of him. Blood appeared right above her temple, escaping from a deep cut.  
"Grandpa, I am... I-", Amy's shaky voice suddenly appeared from behind, her hand dropping onto his shoulder.  
"Ambulance! NOW!", he shouted without taking his eyes off his wife. The red and thick liquid ran across her forehead, leaving a dangerous looking path on her pale skin before soaking her hair. With shaking fingers he drew a cloth from his pocket and carefully pressed it on the wound to stop it from bleeding.  
The words were stuck in his throat. His mouth felt dry and numb. He couldn't say anything but gaze at her with wide and panic-stricken eyes. Inside of him the urge to pull her into his arms. But no. He was too late.  
He was caught in the middle of his worst nightmare.  
Yet, this time it was real.


	2. Chapter 2

(A quick update.  
Okay, beforehand I want to let you know that I am not familiar with a lot of medical terms...I am more the sentimentalist than the scientist HA so pls have mercy. I tried my best, but to be on the safe side used only little of it. Hope the translator was right ;) )

Chapter 2

Jack didn't know what was more terrifying – holding his first wife's hand while she was dying or clinging on to his second wife's hand while being in fear if she will ever come out of the coma.  
It's been three weeks since the accident at the race track happened. Three weeks since she passed out. Three weeks since no one could tell him when and if Lisa would wake up. Three weeks seeing her like this – connected to all these wires and machines, the ventilator machine that sent air into her lungs, her head and neck stabilized by a cervical collar, her skin pale like the bed sheets that covered her body and didn't reveal the back brace that supported the right posture of her spine.  
The outcome of the accident was worse than he thought. Not only had she suffered a cranial fracture with brain bleeding but also a spinal injury that was dangerously close to involving the spinal cord. This meant that she was not only in coma but in addition to that the doctors weren't sure if she was paralyzed. They have done tests, many test and all came to same result – she wasn't reacting to anything. It was a matter of how well and quick the injury on her spine would heal and what she could feel once she woke up. Until that it was dubious if she was ever able to walk again.  
A sob escaped Jack's mouth. It was all wrong. Nothing of all this should have happened. This loving, smart and beautiful woman turned into a lifeless and emotionless body. As if all life was taken from her. The light of her presence died on the day of the accident. All that was left was coldness.  
Oh how much he longed for her voice to fill his ears, her laughter, her smile, her blue eyes to shine. How much he wanted to feel her in his arms, to kiss her and to tell her that she was safe with him. But was that true? Was she safe with him? He had been too late. He wasn't able to save her from that harm. The harm that could never be undone. He was too late.  
Jack was devastated. His wife had never felt so far away from him before although she was right there, laying in that bed. The only connection they got right now was formed by their hands. The only way to actually feel that she was still there. Their touch felt warm but Jack had been holding on to it for so long that he couldn't tell if the warmth was radiating from his own body heat or if it was also coming from her.  
The hours went by, the days went by, the weeks went by while he spent his time at his wife's side, hoping every minute she would wake up. But deep down Jack wasn't sure what it would be like. How could he ever explain what happened and why she wouldn't be able to feel anything? To walk? How could you explain when all you were capable of was crying?  
But he needed to be strong.  
Strong for her.  
She was and had been all this time. Now it was his turn. But it was hard to keep his head up. It wasn't only her state he had to deal with but also what she left behind – a broke business. Since Chandelier Glow wasn't able to start at the race and Lisa wasn't there to find solutions Fairfield was doomed. Well, close to doomed. The whole Heartland family and Fairfield staff pulled together to keep the business going but truth was that it was hard to follow Lisa's steps. No one had as much experience, expertise and cleverness as she had. No one could do what she did over all those years. Jack noticed her strength during the last months but he hadn't realized how much she had been fighting. Fairfield's situation was worse than she told him. The only way to save it was taken with her into a world he had no access to.  
His free hand run over his tired face. Sleep was a seldom friend these days. Weeks.  
The noise of the opening door made him look up and turn on his seat.  
Immediately his expression darkened and Jack frowned at a person he least liked to see. Especially here at the hospital.  
"Jack." Dan Hartfield nodded his head to greet him while he stood on the threshold, still holding on to the handle, his eyes already set on the woman in the bed.  
Jack jumped up from his chair and thrusted him backwards the same way he just entered. By no means he wanted this man near his wife.  
"What are you doing here?", Jack hissed sharply and rudely pushed him back as soon as he closed the door behind him. The man's arms flew up.  
"Calm down, Jack. I just wanted to see how she is doing."  
"Bad. She is doing bad! Are you satisfied now?", his entire face indcated that Dan Hartfield wasn't welcome here.  
A puzzled look met his eyes which made him even more furious. With one single stride the cowboy planted himself in front of him.  
"You have been pushing her by far enough, Dan! See what it did to her!" his voice was threatening but shaking at the same time as Jack pointed through the window at her lifeless body that was only kept alive by all those machines. Dan followed his finger.  
"Wait. Are you blaming me for this? As far as I know it was her own damn horse. The one that was nuts anyways. But I told her that and she wasn't listening. As always."  
"Oh believe me, she knew but that horse was the only chance to keep her business going."  
"Her business?...What are you talking about?"  
Was it right to tell him? After all Lisa never wanted anybody to know about Fairfield's fate. But what was there to lose? Everything was lost already.  
"Fairfield is broke, Dan. That should make you happy, doesn't it?"  
There was a pause between the two men.  
"I didn't know, Jack. This...She never lost a word about it." And he truly seemed to be surprised by the news.  
"Why should she.", Jack mumbled and it was more a statement than a question. Sadly he turned half way to look at her again. What happened was still hard to believe.  
"Well, guess that's the end of Fairfield then, isn't it? Or are you trying to keep it up?" Somehow this comment sounded sarcastic to Jack but maybe he just misinterpreted it, not trusting this man one tiny bit.  
"What are you getting at, Dan?"  
"As much as you should know by now it needs someone with a certain background to keep such a business going. Who is gonna do it? You?" and he almost laughed about his own bad joke.  
Jack's eyes narrowed even more. Heat rising in his stomach.  
"Tell you what, Bartlett. If you need _that someone_ , I am offering you my help."  
"As long as it takes." Dan added and nodded towards the bed.  
Jack couldn't believe his ears. This guy seriously offered his 'help'. Everybody who knew Dan Hartfield knew what he meant by that – to take over. To get his foot into the game. He wanted that business but Jack wouldn't give him that satisfaction.  
"Only over my dead body! _Hartfield_." The words left his mouth bitterly.  
"Keep out of it! And keep away from her!"  
"You should think about it Jack. Your wife. Her business. It has always been important to her. I'm your man." With that he took a last glance through the window, turned on his heels and walked down the hallway towards the exit.  
"Think about it.", was the last thing he yelled down the hall and vanished behind the door.  
Jack still stood at the same spot, the heat rising up to his head now. He was watching him as he left and couldn't help but secretly admit that he was right. Again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It's been a long day and coming home wasn't the same anymore. Too much was going on within him, too much had been lost. Home didn't feel like home these days. The pain was everywhere he went. Even here. Memories of good times chased each other from place to place, from corner to corner - every spot seemed to hold a memorable moment of the time when she was still around. The warm summer evenings when he sat on the porch popped up in his head. To wait for her to come home after a busy and hard day of work became something like habit to him. He would always notice the sound of her car in the distance. The tires on the scrunching gravel of the driveway, the little dust cloud behind it, the anthracite colour of the vehicle and her tired but beautiful smile through the window when she spotted him sitting on the bench. He would always greet her with good hug where she rested her head against his chest and lingered there for a bit longer just to get the stresses and strains off her. The decision to move together was probably the best one they could have made during this difficult time. Lisa needed a home that really felt like home to her. Where family, love and warmth would welcome her. However, ever since the accident nothing felt like this anymore. The coldness even found it's way from the hospital to their home. She was missing and Jack realized only now how much he already got used to their new living situation. They should have done it much sooner. Moving together. But maybe the right time for it occurred only a few months ago. The right time so that it would work.  
His heavy muscles managed to carry him up the steps of the porch and through the door as he entered the house. It was quiet inside but not empty. Lou and Amy were in the kitchen and prepared the dinner. It was already past 7p.m. Little baby jabbering of Lyndy who sat on her mum's lap and the cutting of knives pierced softly through the silence.  
"Hey grandpa."  
"Hi.", he mumbled quietly and took off his coat and boots.  
"How is she doing?" Lou asked carefully when her grandfather walked closer.  
"Unchanged.", was the only thing Jack responded as he gently stroked over his great-granddaughter's hair, not able to smile at the young girl who looked up with a pair of blue and innocent eyes.  
Silence filled the room. Everyone was sadly lost in their own thoughts.  
"How are things at Fairfield? Did you meet that client who wanted to look at the colt?", he addressed Amy who was spending more time at Lisa's place than she did at Heartland. It was a huge sacrifice since she lost more and more clients of her own that she desperately needed to rebuilt her own client base. Jack knew that she felt responsible for Lisa's situation although he told her more than once that it wasn't her or the horse's fault. But it was hard to convince her and he felt sorry that not only Amy but also everyone else was putting so much effort into a business that they couldn't save.  
Amy's face changed into a painful expression. It was always hard to talk about the situation at Fairfield because it mostly weren't good news. Today was no exception.  
"He cancelled."  
"Of course."  
"Grandpa," Lou immediately spoke up, "I hate to tell you that, but we can't go on like this."  
The topic of their conversation before he entered was pretty obvious.  
"I know. I know Lou and you are right. We can't keep it going. It's too much for all of us."  
The girls noticed the disappointed, almost defeated sound in his voice.  
"It's just...we have our own lives to manage grandpa. Amy has Lyndy to take care of, I have Katie. Ty and Peter aren't around too much. And Georgie, you can't expect Georgie to switch show jumping with training race horses. Besides that there is her school, Amy's work, Maggie's and the dude ranch. We really love Lisa and we love to help but it's just...I am not sure if it's already too late.", Lou explained and Jack knew she was being rational. There was nothing he could counter. What she said was right and Jack had absolutely no right to steal their private lives. Lisa wouldn't want it that way.  
It's just...he kind of hoped it would work out. That Fairfield was still there once she woke up. But when was this going to be? Would she ever wake up? How long would they have to sacrifice their lives only to maintain the business so that Lisa could go back to work as if nothing ever happened. Would she ever be able to work again? Nothing was for sure at the moment. Nothing and it felt like as if everything slipped through his fingers although he was holding on to it for dear life. He was losing his wife and now he was also losing the only thing that belonged to her.  
'Your wife. Her business. It has always been important to her.' These words repeated themselves over and over in his head. Jack swore to himself that he would forget about Dan Hartfield and his offer to help saving Fairfield. He swore to himself that he would never let this man into his and his wife's life again. Yet, a tiny glimmer of hope didn't fade away. What if Dan Hartfield could help? What if Fairfield wasn't lost? What if Fairfield still existed when Lisa came out of the coma? Wouldn't it be the most perfect surprise for her? It's been with her family over decades and Lisa would have fought till the end to save it. It's not the end yet. Not for Fairfield. There is one more chance, one more option to keep it going. But it also meant to overcome his weaker self. It meant to get Dan Hartfield involved. The one who had the right background.  
"Grandpa?", Amy ripped him from his thoughts and Jack realized that he hadn't reacted to Lou's explanation yet. Both young women had been starring at him for minutes.  
A sigh escaped his mouth. Overcome your weaker self. For Lisa's sake.  
"Dan Hartfield was at the hospital today.", he slowly started and put a surprised look on the girls' faces.  
"Dan Hartfield?", Lou repeated in disbelief. Jack nodded and leaned against the kitchen counter.  
"What did he want?", Amy added as she put Lyndy into her high chair.  
"See Lisa." His voice was cold like ice, "And offering his help for Fairfield."  
Lou's eyebrows rose up while Amy's brow furrowed. They both needed a minute to understand.  
"That's it!", Lou yelled suddenly and it sounded almost too relieved in Jack's ears and her face looked too delighted in his opinion.  
"Grandpa! That's great!" she went on but he couldn't share her excitement. Instead he was sadly looking at an empty spot on the table.  
"Hold on. What do you mean 'he offered his help'?" Amy's eyes switched between him and Lou who immediately explained before Jack could even raise his voice.  
"Don't you get? Dan was a co-owner of Fairfield for years! He knows that business at least half as good as Lisa. And he runs a similar business. He knows what to do!"  
"You forgot to mention his deep pockets... and his over-sized ego.", Jack said annoyed and rolled his eyes but knew that those were exactly the points which made him the right person to run the place. Yet, the possible negative connotation of his intentions bothered him. Jack couldn't help but think that Dan was after more than just helping.  
Amy looked at him, not sure what to make of this.  
"Are you okay with that, grandpa?"  
He shrugged his shoulders. "Lou is right. If we want Fairfield to survive then he is our only chance.  
I am just not sure if we are in the right position to decide that. Lisa is still the owner of Fairfield Stables. We might need her permission but-", his voice broke off. If he could just ask her one thing it clearly wouldn't be about authorizing Dan Hartfield to get back involved.  
"Don't worry about that. I will give Lisa's lawyer a call tomorrow. He should know what to do.", Lou interrupted his thought and it was obvious that she was glad that a solution for one of their biggest problems actually came up.  
That Amy was still a bit skeptical matched his attitude to the circumstances more than Lou's. He wasn't glad. He was worried. But there was no other option.  
"Right. I'm going to bed.", Jack turned and walked through the kitchen towards his bedroom.  
"What about dinner?"  
"Not hungry."

Although the house held only little of Lisa's personal belongings, Jack's bedroom was the only place that indicated that there was another person living under the same roof besides Jack and his granddaughters and great-granddaughters. Even though he made Lisa's side of the bed weeks ago, all the other things still stood where she had left them. Her clothes and make-up, the novel she had been reading every evening before he joined her in bed, as well as the equine magazines and folders of documents. Everything was still at the same place. Jack couldn't get himself to touch them. This way it felt as if Lisa would come home any minute to tidy up the room herself like she always did before turning in. Jack had been waiting for her to come home for three weeks now and the feeling that she would faded more from day to day. Lisa wasn't coming back. They had been separated for longer but this time it felt like an eternity.  
But to look at all the things yet another time wasn't the reason he was here. The true cause why he wanted to withdraw into his room early lay in a black box inside the drawer of the desk.  
Jack stood in front of it, his hand hesitated before pulling out the drawer and opening the lid of the box. An envelop with Lisa's familiar curvy handwriting on it immediately caught his eyes.  
 _Last will_ it said and the letters started to blur the longer he stared at them.  
He pulled himself together, grabbed it and moved over to the bed to sit down and open the letter.  
The paper was familiar to him. He had seen it before yet it felt strange to get back to it so quickly. Actually Jack expected to never see it again. The course of events was just not right. Lisa wasn't supposed to leave this world before him. He wasn't supposed to see her dying. How could he ever get over such a great loss a second time? Jack knew: he wouldn't. He couldn't. Losing someone your heart belongs to should not happen more than once a lifetime. Not twice. This wasn't fair.  
With a shaking head, Jack reminded himself that this was not the reason why he wanted to have a look at Lisa's will. She wasn't dead. Although she was in coma, she was still here, dwelling in a world in between. Jack just hoped she was facing the right direction and decided to come back soon. He needed her to.  
The pages turned as he flicked through the letter and searched for the paragraph about Fairfield Stables. The memories of their discussion about who is going to take on the breeding and racing operation replayed in his mind. They hadn't shared the same opinion. She wanted to leave it with his side of the family while he found it more appropriate with her relatives. There was her nephew Ben who was much more used to be involved in bigger businesses these days than any Heartlander did or ever would. Yet, Lisa was convinced that one day Jack's great-granddaughter's would benefit from owning a place that came with a high and well known reputation. It made him worry. No one at Heartland had experiences in breeding and he wasn't sure if anyone of them could carry on her legacy. Still, she was certain but agreed to leave the name field blank and add it after some more reconsideration.  
Jack was curious if his wife secretly wrote down a name onto the empty line. Maybe it would help to make further decisions since she wasn't responsive currently. But he found it still empty which on the one hand was a great relief but on the other also a disappointment. It would have made things a bit easier if she would have decided to leave her business with her nephew. Yet, no name meant that she was still in charge. Of course, as her husband it was his responsibility now to make decisions but Jack couldn't do it any longer. Lou was right. It was too much to deal with. They either close Fairfield, sell it or get Dan Hartfield back into the place. That was the next decision to make. Jack knew that Lisa wouldn't approve neither of those options but fact was that the latter would hopefully work out and Lisa could kick Dan Hartfield's ass out of her business as soon as she was ready to take over again. Yes, that sounded like a plan, Jack thought and avoided the upcoming concern that Lisa might owe her ex-husband big time when he manages to get Fairfield back on the right track. This was a worry for another day. Right now the worry if his wife was ever able to be with him again was much bigger.  
A hand stroke over the soft material of her blanket and the image of the last time he had seen her in bed emerged in his head. She had been talking. A lot. About the upcoming race and about Chandelier Glow and if Amy would manage to make him run. She needed the win. She needed the money. As always he tried to calm her down by pulling her into his arms and gently massaging her muscles. He promised that everything would turn out just fine, absolutely sure that he was right. What he didn't know at that very moment was that he was wrong. Totally wrong. Nothing turned out fine. He was still stuck in his worst nightmare, each day hoping that it would end soon.  
The paper in his hands was shaking as he started to tremble with fear. Was there a way out of it?  
A soft knock and the opening of the door didn't make him look up. Jack was too lost in his thoughts but noticed that someone else just entered the room.  
"Grandpa?", Amy's voice was soft and cautious. She looked at his miserable posture on the edge of the bed with a worried expression.  
"I just wanted to let you know that dinner is ready. You should eat something."  
Jack still neither looked up, nor responded which made her to step closer. Amy noticed the papers in his hand. An envelop lay on the ground just in front of him. She reached out for it when suddenly her grandfather started to talk.  
"I just don't know what to do without her, Amy.", he sobbed and broke into tears right in front of her. Now the words on the envelop caught her eyes which stroke her with awe.  
"Oh grandpa.", she sat down, put a arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. His sobbing body shook under her.  
"I miss her so much.", he cried and it made her heart cringe. It had been a very very long time since she last saw him like this.  
"She is not there yet.", Amy whispered encouraging and reached out for the will to take it from him and put it back into the envelop where it belonged for now.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Being in a commercial partnership with Dan Hartfield was really the last thing Jack expected to happen in his life but somehow it all ended up right there.  
Another three weeks passed by in which change met unchangeability.  
Dan Hartfield started his work at Fairfield as Jack's partner. Since Jack had by far less experiences in what needed to be done, Dan was in charge of most of the things. So far everything worked out surprisingly fine and although he relentlessly dismissed a few of Lisa's employees, Fairfield slowly but steadily rose from its downfall.  
Of course, Lisa would have never approved this move but as everyone knew Dan and Lisa didn't walk on common ground very often. He wasn't the most sentimental man on this planet. Yet, Jack knew that Dan had done the right thing to close those positions that weren't desperately needed. If it wasn't for Dan Hartfield, they probably would have shut down Fairfield for good which also meant letting go the whole staff. This way it affected only a few of them. However, to stay loyal to his wife, Jack bought bouquets of flowers, drove to their homes and thanked those people for their hard work over all these years. Most of them understood the complicated situation but Jack felt sorry and hoped he had done the right thing to authorize Lisa's ex-husband and former businesses partner.  
Although Lou was back in New York and took Katie with her, Amy was still working with a few of Lisa's horses. She wasn't spending that much time there anymore, but kept an eye on Dan whenever he was around. He took his job serious and put a lot of effort into it which was not only a surprise for the Fairfield staff but also for the Heartland family. Even though Jack worried that Dan got too involved, he was glad that the plan seemed to work out. For now. Maybe Fairfield could be saved and was still there when Lisa came back.  
Whereas Fairfield underwent a lot of change currently, the situation in the hospital remained unchanged. Mostly unchanged.  
Lisa was still in coma. All in all it had been six weeks by now which was an awfully long time. The doctors were a bit anxious since her brain did show some activity every now and then but she hadn't managed to wake up yet. They said Lisa could come out of the coma every day but they had been telling him that for a week now and nothing changed so far. Well, at least they switched the cervical collar with a soft collar around her neck, the wound on her forehead was almost gone and the injury on her spine was healing well. There might even be a good chance for her to wake up with a feeling in her legs. Nobody could surmise what a great relief it was to hear that. However, it only last for just a split of a second since nothing really changed so far. The anxiety was still there.  
Right now Jack sat next to his wife's hospital bed once more. In the last six weeks there was not one single day he hadn't been there. Sometimes he would even spend the night or the whole day but it was always the same. Lisa lay unresponsively and motionless in front of him. Her eyes closed, the air mask around her mouth and nose to support her breathing. The rhythmic beeping sound of the machine disappeared into the background weeks ago already. Jack didn't even hear it anymore. It always was awkwardly quiet in the room and after all this time the silence was still strange to him. He wanted to say something, tell her what was going on in the life she missed out currently. He wanted to say how much everyone missed her and how much he missed her. How much he needed her back. But Jack couldn't get himself to talk. As awkward as the silence was, so was talking into it. Knowing that he wouldn't get a response was terrifying. So, Jack chose to stay quiet most of the time but the urge to talk pushed itself more and more up his throat.  
Talking had never been a problem in their relationship. Even though it meant to push the other to open up. At the end they would always talk about problems and struggles and they would always find a solution.  
In those last six weeks Jack didn't only miss having her around but most of all he missed their talks. Especially during this hard time. Amy and Lou tried to cheer him up and to be there for him but it just wasn't the same. Family and work kept them busy. Lou was gone, Amy had her hands full with Lyndy and the horses, Ty was in the clinic most of the time, Georgie busy with her training. Tim was the only one to spend a lot of time at Heartland. It was just - Jack could do better without him. Tim wasn't helpful. His current health state provided him with sleepless nights and often he came over to whine and complain. Jack understood his situation and of course he was worried but there were other things right now he had to deal with. It would be nice to get rid of some of the pain that covered his heart. Talking usually helped.  
Maybe... if he just tried to find a start.  
Jack glanced over his shoulder to check on the door but he was still alone in the room. Alone with his unconscious wife. His eyes moved back to her.  
"So.", he arduously started with a hoarse voice and cleared his throat.  
It took him a moment to go on as it was the first time in six weeks he was talking to her again..  
He swallowed.  
"So...how are you doing, Lis?"A whisper almost as quiet as the silence itself.  
Nothing.  
Of course, there was no reaction and this asking her that hurt as much as seeing Lisa laying motionless in this hospital bed.  
Jack shook his head. What a stupid question.  
His hand gently squeezed hers, begging her to forgive him for the clumsy start.  
"Well, I hope you could tell me because...because I am dying to know."  
Jack paused again to give her a chance to answer but Lisa remained silent.  
Maybe he should stop the questioning and just tell her something.  
His eyes dropped onto their melted hands. Hers so pale against his.  
"You are probably asking yourself how everybody is doing. We are alright, Lis. Katie misses you. She keeps asking when you are going to take her to that toy store again." A crooked smile displayed on his lips. Would she ever be able to go anywhere again?  
"Don't worry. This has time. Lou took her to New York. She was all excited about the big city, but to be honest...it would have been nice if she'd stayed at Heartland. Where her family and her home is..."  
Now he looked up again, meeting her still closed eyes.  
"It would be nice if you were there, too.-  
The bed is too empty without you, Lis." His heart was heavy now as the topic of his monologue suddenly changed. The familiar feeling of her body pressed against him was missing which left him cold and lonely not during the day but also during the nights.  
"Between you and me...I don't really like that hospital. There are by far better places to spend time together.  
-In fact, we haven't found much time to drive up to the cabin this year. How about we go up there for a few days? Just you and me. What do you think?"  
He looked at her expecting but all he got back was more silence. There wasn't the slightest movement and like Jack feared it devastated him even more. Sometimes he was afraid he would forget what her voice sounded like. What it felt like when she spoke to him.  
Her constant silence broke his heart.  
"Lisa, I am so sorry.", Tears filled his eyes now.  
"I promised you that everything would be fine...I was so sure about it...that you would make it. That Chandelier Glow would win and ... but I was wrong. So wrong..." With force Jack pulled himself together, forbidding the tears to fall.  
It all happened so fast. He should have been there to save her but he couldn't even manage that. He was too late and she was run down before his eyes.  
"I don't know if you can ever forgive me."  
His voice faded to all the emotions that were boiling up inside of him.  
It was the first time in weeks that Jack noticed the steady beeping of the machines again.  
\- Because it was the only noise that broke the unbearable silence.

(For all of you that read my story "A place to be" - hope you got the little hint about the cabin ;) )


	5. Chapter 5

It didn't happen very often lately that almost everyone was there for dinner. Everyone except for Katie, Lou and Lisa.  
The lively talking at the dinner table was a welcome change to all the thoughts that clouded up his mind. The sadness coloured everything and it was hard to stay positive and to see the good in life. The Heartland family noticed that grandpa Jack was going through a rough time and thus tried to cheer him up as often as it was possible. Amy and Ty prepared his favourite meal for tonight which was a really nice gesture.  
Jack just returned from the hospital about an hour ago. Today's visit was strange. The talking hadn't brought much relief. In fact, Jack felt worse than before. Speaking to Lisa without getting the smallest reaction was devastating and he feared to go to bed tonight. Especially today. Her empty space was like a big black hole and sometimes he felt as if it expanded from day to day, creeping more and more towards his side of the bed. She was the only one who was capable of stopping it, but she wasn't here. She was far far away.  
With downcast eyes, Jack dug through the potatoes on his plate. He wasn't really hungry. The empty chair to his left was hard to accept and bothered him. As always.  
Despite his depressive mood, everybody seemed to have a good day. Georgie was happy with her jumping session on Phoenix. After switching from Flame back to her grey friend, the girl had a bit of a hard time to adjust herself to the differences of the two horses. Flame was much more agile while Phoenix was a great jumper, yet needed much more effort to get over the obstacles than Flame did. In addition to that Georgie hadn't jumped Phoenix for a long time and it took awhile to get him back into shape which often left the girl unsatisfied. But today she sat at the table, beaming with joy. Even Amy was very satisfied as she was the one training them for the fall finale. It took her a lot of patience and support to encourage her sister's daughter to give the horse another chance and the outcome was successful. Ty on the other hand had a day off work and thus spend it with Lyndy at the Rehabilitation Centre, visiting Bob and the wild animals. Lyndy seemed a bit tired but was enjoying the vegetables on her plate. Tim was talking about his rodeo school and how confident Jade was becoming in teaching his students about tactics and strategies. He even thought about hiring her as his partner and wanted to hear the families opinion about it. Most of all Jack's opinion but he didn't have one. Maybe it was a good idea, maybe it was a bad one. Jack couldn't wrap his head about this topic since it was already filled with so many other things. It was great that everyone was in a good mood and he was happy for them, but he wished he could say that, too. He didn't feel anything but sadness.  
"Jack?", Tim interrupted his thoughts.  
"What?"  
"C'mon, what do you think? I mean isn't it the best idea?"  
Ty and Amy smiled to themselves about Tim's enthusiasm which hadn't been around a lot these days.  
"I ...I...if this has anything to do with you health-"  
"With my health? Jack, I am good, I am fine. Look at me." and he spread his arms, beaming over the table with a wide grin. Jack rolled his eyes and at the same time the phone started to ring in the kitchen.  
"I'll get it. It's probably Lou.", Amy said and got up.  
"Does Jade even know about your state?", Jack continued while putting the fork to the side.  
Tim was a bit surprised by this question.  
"Should she?"  
"Well yes, I think she should.", Jack's temper slowly rose and he glanced at his ex son-in-law without any further explanation.  
"Jack is right. Jade needs to know if you want her to work for you.", Georgie stepped in and everyone was reminded about how bad she had taken the news about Tim's health. He was staring at her now, obviously thinking it through.  
"Okay. Okay, I will talk to her.", Tim gave in eventually when Amy returned, her face in one big frown, the phone still in her hand.  
"Granpa. It's the hospital."  
There was a moment of silence in the room. No one dared to say something. Even breathing seemed to be too much. When the hospital called it never was a good sign.  
Jack looked at his granddaughter like frozen before he pushed his chair back that scratched with an awful noise over the wooden floor. With one long stride, he reached her and took the phone from her hand, moving it up to his ear and walked through the kitchen, out the front door to get some private space.  
Amy still stood near the table, everybody staring at her while she stared back at them.

The hallways of the hospital were deserted. It was late already and the visiting hours over. Yet, Jack was known among the nurses and doctors. In the last months he had spent more time in this building than in his own home. So no one told him to stop and leave. The night nurse just nodded at him and let him through.  
The doctor wasn't here yet. They would talk later. The destination was clear. Lisa.  
His heart was racing, his hands trembling, his breathing faltering. Whatever he would see once he stepped into her room – Jack didn't know how to react. He didn't know how to feel.  
Lisa's doctor called to tell him that his wife came out of the coma and asked for him.  
She. Asked. For. Him.  
It was a miracle that after six weeks Lisa chose to come back but that she asked for her husband came even more unexpected. By no means Jack would have thought that she remembered him. After what happened it wouldn't have been a surprise if there were no memories at all. But, she asked for him which made his heart jump even higher.  
However, now that she was awake they needed to cope with the truth. Did she remember all the other things? Her life? Her family? The accident? Did she feel her legs? Will she be able to walk? Will things go back to normal that easily? These questions lay in Jack's stomach like heavy rocks and it made him uncertain how to deal with them. Or with his wife.  
In front of the door, he stopped, forcing himself not to look through the window in the wall. Loud and strong his heart beat against his chest. He swallowed, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
It's gonna be okay.  
He hoped.  
No promise this time, just hope.  
With still trembling fingers he cautiously pushed the door open and soft light met his eyes that came from the lamp above the bed. The familiar beeping of the machines reached his ears for a split second but like always vanished into the background quickly. While stepping across the threshold, Jack's eyes moved downwards, immediately falling onto hers.  
His heart stopped.  
They looked at each other for the first time in six weeks.  
The first personal contact after such a long wait.  
Neither of them knew what to say. Lost for each little word.  
The blue in her eyes was piercing but warm at the same time – a mixture of hospital and home reflected in them. The soft collar was still wrapped around her neck, but her pale and haggard face was free from the air mask. She was finally able to breath herself.  
The door knob was still covered by his hand as Jack stood on the same spot where he just entered, unable to move forward.  
"Jack." She managed to say in a whisper but the sound of her voice was clear and explicit which brought tears to his eyes. Hearing her voice was the most beautiful thing that reminded him of what had been lost for the last six weeks. Not only his wife, but also his friend, his confidante, his touchstone, his tower of strength and his love. He had lost his love during this time and it was that certain thing that had freaked him out. All this time Jack was afraid that he lost it forever. Yet the sound of her voice was all he needed to know that it was still there. It had never been gone.  
The fact that he still stood there and the wetness in his eyes must have alarmed her. The familiar worried features crept back into her face.  
"W-what?", she breathed.  
Jack shook his head.  
"Nothing. It's just...I thought I would never hear your voice again." he said while his own voice was filled with tears. Three steps brought him to her side where he reached out for her hand, moved it up and pressed it hard against his lips. Her once so firm grip was feeble but Jack held on to it while he took a moment to let the emotions settle down.  
She was still watching him as he sat down onto the side of the bed and put their hands in his lap. Now it was her with tears in her eyes, but not due to the amount of relief washing over her. There was something different written into her face. It was hard to read. Once again silence spread its wings and made him unsettled. Why was it so quiet again? Shouldn't they talk? It was awkward. Jack saw that she was searching for words, her lips were trembling, a single tear escaped the corner of her eye.  
He was just about to say something, when she suddenly spoke up.  
"I-I can't feel my legs." -  
His heart sank into his boots and a cold shiver ran down his spine. It was the last thing he wanted to hear and it was exactly that kind of thing he didn't know how to deal with. Jack had hoped that the injury on her spine healed without sequelae. The prognoses had been good but the doctors didn't promise anything. All they said was that they needed to wait for her to wake up and tell them. Now the truth was out. The nightmare continued. What should he say? How could he explain?  
"Lis-"  
"What happened?", she immediately wanted to know and Jack was a bit taken back by the sudden coldness and rationality in her voice. The tear now reached her jawline. He reached out to swipe it away. Her cold skin met his finger.  
"There was an accident. At the race track. Amy rode Chandelier Glow for the test run but … but you ended up between the horses.", he swallowed as the horrid pictures repeated themselves in his head. He saw the terrified face of his wife behind the horses as she threw her arms up to shield herself. He saw himself running towards her. He saw himself calling out her name. He saw himself still running. Still running but never getting any closer. Jack closed his eyes for a moment.  
Her voice brought him back to the present.  
"How is she doing? Amy."  
How could she even think about that right now. Did she even remember the incident with what he just told her? How could she possibly worry about the others well being when all she had to worry about was she herself.  
"Oh Lisa,", Jack squeezed her hand. Her empathy with others just broke his heart right now. "She is fine. Everyone is fine. And worried. We were so worried that you wouldn't wake up."  
The lines on her face revealed that she was trying hard to remember and to understand the course of events but it was still unclear if she actually did.  
"How long have I-"  
Jack sighed.  
"Almost two months."  
The pause was unbearable and seeing her shedding another tear painful.  
"I am so sorry, Jack."  
"Don't. You really don't-"  
A knock on the door stopped him in the middle of the sentence and made their heads turn. In came a nurse Jack knew well. She often worked night shifts; told him once that she liked the quietness on her unit during the nights.  
"Sorry to interrupt. The doctor is ready to see you now, Jack.", she let him know and entered the room.  
Jack nodded and turned back to Lisa when the nurse started to talk to her.  
"Mrs. Stillman, you should get some sleep now. It is late and there are quite a few tests scheduled for tomorrow."  
The anxiety in her eyes didn't fade away. Jack had no clue what was going on inside of her head. Whenever she was upset, he usually would collect her into his arms and hold her for as long as it took to calm down. How long would it take this time? The ability to walk was taken from her. How on earth could he make her feel better? What was he supposed to do? Normally Jack would come up with an idea, something to support her, but this time he didn't know how to take the pain from her.  
Maybe it was best to leave. Both of them were tired and exhausted and a night of sleep perhaps brought light into the darkness.  
Jack slid from the bed, unsure if he wasn't just escaping from the uncomfortable situation and avoiding further talking.  
He felt bad for leaving her like this but didn't know what else to do.  
With a quick move he was about to put his hat back on.  
"Jack.", she called him with a faint voice that made him turn around. What he saw gave him the chills. He knew that face. He had seen it before. Fortunately, not very often but Jack knew that she was scared. Scared about what happened, about her current state and about the future. She longed for his protection, his security and comfort and of course Jack should have known that this was all she needed right now. She needed him. No more, no less. Just him. How could he forget?  
Despite the presence of the nurse who waited at the door, Jack stepped back to her side. Her eyes never left his as he leaned down over her. Their lips met in a soft kiss. It felt somewhat cold but not emotionless. For a moment they still looked at each other before she closed her eyes to absorb all the strength he was passing on through the touch. Slowly and with effort her hand found its way up and rested around his cheek, holding on to him and kind of keeping him right there with her. He felt her thumb gently stroking over his unshaven skin, a touch that lost its firmness with every second that passed away. Lisa was still too weak to maintain it, so he placed his own hand above hers to steady it up there.  
To feel her lips beneath his own was like falling into an ocean of thousand emotions. It completed him. A puzzle piece that had been missing was back and filled his heart with everything that constituted their marriage, their relationship, their love for each other. It was that simple touch that had the power to heal what was broken. Not only for him but also for her.  
After a moment Jack drew back gently.  
He found himself captivated by her eyes while he still lingered above her, their faces only inches apart.  
"Please stay." Her breath brushed his lips.  
Right here he would usually tell her that everything would be fine at the end, but the last time taught him better. Jack was afraid to promise her something he had no control of.  
With her hand still in his, he rose up and quickly looked at the nurse to check if it was allowed to spend another night here but she only shook her head with a sympathetic expression.  
"I will be back first thing in the morning.  
We're in this together."


	6. Chapter 6

(I am so sorry for the long wait and this awful chapter. It is probably the worst chapter I have written so far because it's absolutely incomplete and without structure. There is much more I shoud have been writing about Lisa's state and feelings but truth is ... I can't. The right thoughts are there but the words are not. My head is like one empty something...can't find the right words to express myself. So, since it's probably gonna take forever to overcome this 'crisis' I decided to at least give you what I have written so far. Maybe I will edit it or work on the next chapter. Dunno and no promises here. I am sorry.)

Chapter 6

She used to love her life. She used to be a happy woman.  
But now?  
Now everything was different. All the happiness was gone. The meaning of her life was gone. The independence she once followed throughout her life was replaced by a cage with invisible bars.  
Weeks were spent in this hospital that didn't bring much change. Every day was like the other – sitting in this bed and staring out the window. Lisa had never realized how many different shapes clouds can have. She never had time to stare at them for hours and watch them drifting by. Various airplanes passed by during the days and even during the nights she saw their flashing lights up in the dark sky when sleep was as far away as those planes.  
She wished she could leave the hospital. Sometimes she even considered to sneak off but how far would she get with two legs that couldn't carry her one single step? Not even standing on them was possible although Lisa had been practicing it for a week now during the daily physical therapy sessions. Yet, there wasn't much progress which made her furious. The doctors couldn't find any reason why she shouldn't be able to walk. The injury on her spine was completely healed and they said that it was on her to start walking again. But she couldn't. With all the practice and effort – she couldn't do it. Her legs wouldn't carry her.  
The constant talks of the doctors added to her anger. It sounded as if she was responsible for her state. As if the inability to walk was only in her head. As if she was pretending. Playing.  
Lisa was close to yelling at them all the things that had bottled-up in her head over the time. She was close to yell at everyone and everything that dared to step into her hospital room.  
Everything felt so strange. This life didn't belong to her.  
Lisa hated her life.  
She couldn't even love her husband the way she should. The man that took so much care of her. For weeks, even for months already. The one that stood by her side almost 24/7. The one that tried to make everything right so she would feel better. But truth was – she didn't. His presence and condolence made it all worse. She didn't like the deep and worried furrows on his face which he was trying to hide from her. She didn't like the sad glimmer in his grey eyes that avoided hers ever so often. She didn't like that he was here with her. Every day. Sometimes she wanted to yell at him as well.  
Right now Lisa sat on the edge of her hospital bed. The white and impersonal walls of the room and the sterile smell of disinfection solution were sickening. She was imprisoned in this room and much worse – in her own body. All the daily movements that you took for granted were suddenly gone. Nothing was done with ease. Heavy bones and heavy muscles were her daily companion, as well as the numbness in her legs. The inability to walk was something Lisa found hard to accept. To be honest: she couldn't accept it at all and it made her angry. Lisa was angry about her current state. Why did something like this happen to her? For what reason? Hadn't she been fighting enough through the whole year already? It was unfair. Lisa felt treated unfairly. But by whom? Who was to blame for it? Not the horse. Not Amy. No one. Fate? Maybe it was a message she didn't understand yet.  
The soft fabric of her fleece jacket brushed against her neck as Jack put it around her shoulders and helped to stick her arms through the sleeves.  
He always helped her to get dressed which was still an enormous effort for her still weak muscles. And although she often didn't feel like it, Jack forced her to leave the bed and spend some time with him in the hallways of the hospital. Of course it was a thoughtful idea of him, especially since the doctors and the physiotherapist prescribed some easy activity throughout the day. However, the frustration and demotivation ruled over her body. All she wanted was to be alone and drown in her self-pity. This was so unlike her. The woman that used to love her live with every breath. All gone.  
Jack stood right in front of her, her knees brushing against his tights every time he leaned closer. The whole dress up routine was luckily almost over. His hands now worked on the zipper of her jacket to close it. She hadn't been able to look at him the entire time. Her eyes were set on some empty spot on the white wall. When she concentrated on it too much it looked as if a derisive face emerged from the white surface and sneered at her, laughed at her. She felt the urge to shout at it, to hit her fists into the stupid face.  
"Hey.", his thumb moved softly over her cheekbone and ripped her from the trancelike state. Now an encouraging and sympathetic face met her eyes as she looked at her husband for a brief moment. A reserved and pressed smile was her only response. She knew what was coming next and her gaze was already set onto the wheelchair that stood next to the bed, waiting for her to take a seat. Before she was even ready, Jack easily lifted her off the bed. She leaned against him since there was not other hold and it was hard to keep the balance with two legs that didn't work. As always seeing them underneath her, like two wobbly limps that did rather belong to a puppet than to her own body was disturbing. She quickly blinked away a tear before Jack would notice as he let her down carefully onto the wheelchair. His hand slid behind her back to pull down the edge of the jacket that had slipped up a bit during the process.  
"So where to today, Ma'am?", Jack joked a bit as he walked behind her, pushing the wheelchair and exiting the room. The hallway was crowded. It was in the middle of the visiting hours which was the reason for the many people. The loud talking in the corridor overwhelmed her. It was too crowded and too noisy.  
"Lookout point."  
"Are you sure? We've been there the last days. Let's go down to the cafeteria."  
"No, Jack. I don't want to – _go_ to the cafeteria.", she said sharply and made sure to stress the little word sarcastically. She wasn't going anywhere. All she ever did was sitting and being driven around.  
"Alright. Fine. Lookout point it is."  
"Thank you.", she mumbled under her breath. With a sigh Jack pushed the wheelchair through the hallway towards the end, careful not to hit against anyone or anything. While being pushed around Lisa made it to an habit to close her eyes. That way it was easier not starting to scream and cry. She felt so weak and vulnerable. Far from any pride and self-confidence.  
Suddenly the wheelchair stopped and bright sunlight filled her eyes when she opened them to look out the window into a park. They were in the fifth floor, so the view over the treetops and into the distance was something she always enjoyed – the reason why she liked to come here. It gave her faint feeling of freedom.  
The lookout point held several chairs which however weren't taken. Jack pulled one closer and sat down next to her, looking into the same direction through the window.  
The silence between them felt uncomfortable but Lisa wasn't in the mood to talk and so kept her mouth shut while a few birds caught her eyes.  
After a few minutes passed by Jack reached out and took her hand, moving it over to place it into his lap but Lisa pulled it out of his grip and buried both of her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket. It wasn't the first time she did that – avoiding him.  
His piercing eyes on her felt like a burning iron bar.  
It took him a moment before he tried to start a conversation instead.  
"So... Uhm, that race I told you about – Chandelier Glow is starting. Amy did a fabulous job with him. He is ready for it and I think there is a good chance for him to win."  
"That's good." The horse was still not familiar to her after the accident. Jack told her it was a big, black gelding that already won several races in the past. She didn't remember. Like so many other things.  
"I am just glad Dan didn't talk her out of it.", he continued patiently. Yes, he also told her about Dan, her ex-husband. Funnily he was one of the few people that were still in her memories. Jack also told her why Dan was running her place again. The struggle to maintain her business and life at Fairfield Stables was vivid in her head as well and she understood her husband's reason to get Dan back involved. She just wasn't quite sure if she liked it or not.  
"Yeah."  
Her brusque answers seemed to unsettle him, as he searched for another topic to talk about.  
"Lou is coming back next weekend. Just for a short visit. I guess Katie misses her home."  
"I bet."  
"If you want I can bring her next time. I am sure she would love to see you."  
Lisa didn't respond to that this time and kept staring out the window. She didn't want any more visitors. Especially not those that asked too many questions. Despite that the memories of her god-daughter were still quite blurry. Only a photograph of the little blond girl helped to recognize her but other than that there wasn't much more.  
"Lis?", he tried to get her attention back but all she did was looking through the window, as her eyes followed the people that walked through the park, on their healthy and strong legs and without any help. A little blond girl ran across the lawn and chased away a flock of pigeons that rose like a wave up into the air.  
The tear Lisa had been trying to hide, now rolled down her cheek, visible for the old cowboy who silently watched his broken wife with a shattered heart.


	7. Chapter 7

(Thank you for your nice reviews. They keep me writing although it doesn't happen that fast HA. Anyway, here is the next chapter.)

Chapter 7

The early September sun peeked through the clouds that hung quiet low above the land and were blown towards the south by a strong wind. Yellow and orange leaves already started to appear here and there between all the green. The summer came to an end and Jack's thoughts circled around the time he missed out with his wife over the last months. They usually spent a lot of time at the fishing cabin during the summer and even used to travel to the States for a vacation week. This year however was spent at the hospital. This year's summer came with a lot of change. It had brought so much change in both of their lives. Especially in their marriage and relationship. The gap between them was huge. Their lives seemed to drift more and more apart and after the many failed attempts to find a way towards his wife again, Jack had no clue what else he could do. Yes, he understood that she was frustrated. The weeks of practice and treatment at the physiotherapy and hospital didn't bring much progress. It didn't matter how hard she tried, her legs refused to carry her. The numbness, the inability to feel and to walk – all of it turned her into a woman that was full of anger, despair and depression. It turned her into a woman Jack didn't know and most of all didn't know how to deal with. Often he was afraid he would lose her all. Sometimes he even thought about calling a psychotherapist who could help Lisa in a more professional way. But would she ever agree to talk to someone she didn't know? If she wasn't even willing to talk to him?  
She was totally withdrawn and avoided everyone. Not only the friends that visited her but also her family and most of all her husband who was sitting in his truck at this very moment.  
Yes, the mood on this day could be better. After all Lisa was coming home today. After more than four months she was finally coming back to Heartland. Yet, nothing was like it used to be. Everything changed since the accident happened and especially after Lisa came out of the coma.  
Before Jack would hit the road towards the hospital, he needed to stop by Faifield. Dan called him earlier and asked him to come over and sign a form they had to send to the tax office. Things at Fairfield were stable so far and with Chandelier Glow's last win Fairfield's reputation started to recuperate. Especially after Lisa's accident most people were sure that the place was going to be shut down. Jack was proud that they were strong enough to pull together and keep the business going and he was glad that the decision to involve Dan Hartfield turned out great. Whenever he would drive down the driveway towards the main square and watch the mares and their foals in the paddocks left and right of the path, the stable hands and the trainers working the horses Jack felt something like hope in his heart. Hope that maybe one day he would meet his wife here again instead of Dan. Hope that she could carry on her business like she used to. And hope that things were going back to normal. Although Jack was more the person who lived in the here and now, he couldn't deny that he missed the good old times. Not especially those during his younger years but the time where he and Lisa were just be together. Where they enjoyed the company of the other. Married or not. Those were the times he truly started to live again after Lyndy and Marion's death. Lisa was the one that saved him. She was the one who picked him up from the lonely street of grief and he was able to overcome his sorrow.  
Now the tide turned and he was the one who had to pick her up from some street that led her down the wrong way. In racing speed she was walking down the dark path of depression and he desperately tried to keep up with her, to take her hand and lead her to the exit. But she was too fast for him. He couldn't reach her.  
Jack slowed down the truck when a young woman led a mare across the driveway towards the stables.  
"Hi Jack.", she greeted him through the open car window and smiled.  
"Sarah." Jack nodded and tipped his hat briefly, before he continued his way to the parking lot.  
Near the main building Dan was talking to one of Fairfield's horse trainers. Joe was a young but experienced horseman and due to his life career Lisa always thought highly of him. Of course, Dan wasn't the same opinion and was mostly dissatisfied with his work. He even threatened to dismiss him, but Jack made sure the young man stayed at Fairfield. Not only because of him but also because he knew that Lisa had a good reason to hire the guy as one of the horse trainers. Now that Jack saw Dan with Joe standing there, he wondered if there was another problem. He would better go and have a look.  
A gust of wind almost blew off Jack's hat as he got out the car and a few leaves were swirling around his boots. The wind seemed to have worsened and the dark clouds at the sky promised a rainy afternoon. With a hand on his hat, the cowboy made his way towards the two men, but obviously came to late since Joe was just rising his hand to greet him and walk down the pathway towards the stable. Dan turned around and eyed his business partner with an almost surprised look.  
"Well, Bartlett excuse me, but you look like a huge pile of shit. What is going on?"  
"It's non of your business, Dan.", he growled.  
"Oh c'mon, I think we are past those little childish games, aren't we?-  
Let me guess, it's Lisa, am I right?"  
Jack just exhaled loudly through his nose.  
"Okay alright, I get it. Non of my business, but let me tell you ...I know exactly how you feel."  
Jack almost chocked on that statement which was totally overrated and to be honest, not true at all.  
"I am _very_ certain you don't!" , he snapped at him and referred silently to the terrible circumstances Dan had never been through during his marriage with Lisa.  
"Well, I was married to her long enough to know when to step in and when to back off. Especially when to back off. Independent and strong women aren't easy to live with, I can tell you."  
"Wrong. They just can't stand to live with a jerk like you.", he countered and was almost proud of his repartee.  
For a moment the man looked at him with a risen eyebrow before he drew a clipboard from under his arm and held it towards Jack.  
"If you could just sign here, please.", Dan said with an almost annoyed tone in his voice and put a pen on top of the paper. With a quick glance Jack scanned the content of the form before he wrote his signature on the line at the bottom of the paper.  
"You want some advice?", Dan resumed the talk while Jack was finishing his name with a forceful swing and looked up skeptically.  
No, he didn't but Dan continued anyway: "Give her some space."  
Jack frowned at him.  
"What do you mean?"  
"If you really want to help her, Jack then loose your reins and give her some space.", he simply repeated, ripped the clipboard out of his hand and walked past him towards the client that had just arrived in a shiny black Mercedes.  
The words still hung above Jack's head as he was trying to understand the meaning of the given advice. How on earth should he take a step back when all his wife needed was someone that looked after her. With her current state Lisa needed help, if she wanted it or not. The activities she was able to do were very limited, so of course it was on him to help wherever he could. Besides that he was worried. Worried to death and she gave him many reasons for that.  
But maybe Dan was right, maybe he was suffocating her with all the worries and care he brought along ever day. Maybe he put more pressure on her than she could take. Yet, how was this going to work? Jack had no idea when he needed to leave her alone. It was already hard enough not to be there for her around the clock. He wished he could be with her longer and more often, but fact was that his life was torn apart. One part took place at the hospital where his wife had spent the last months and the other part was at Heartland where his family lived and a cattle-business still needed to be run. Besides that a handful of responsibilities kept him busy here at Fairfield Stables. There was not enough time to manage everything properly and Jack felt bad every time he had to leave Lisa behind when returning home.  
But today was the day Lisa came back. Things should get easier from now on.

It was quiet in the car. It had been quiet ever since Jack dropped into Lisa's hospital room to pick her up and take her home.  
A short "Hi" was the only thing they had exchanged so far and although there were a few things he wanted to say, her current attitude told him to keep the things to himself and wait for a more appropriate time. If this one was ever coming around.  
Heavy rain was pounding against the front of the car while the windshield wipers were desperately trying to clear the window. In addition to that the storm howled against the truck which made it hard for Jack to keep the vehicle straight on the road. Luckily those things kept him busy enough to focus on the traffic rather than on the quiet woman beside him. Lisa kept starring out the window although the view was blurry from all the wetness that run down the glass. By now Jack knew that she was just avoiding him again instead of being really interested in what was going on outside. Over the last months he had learned to read her body language. So, they stayed quiet for the whole drive. The stormy weather was the only noise that drowned out the music of the radio.

Fortunately the rain stopped when Jack pulled in Heartland's driveway and the faint colors of a rainbow appeared over the fields in the distance. With a side glance he noticed that Lisa saw it, too. Silently he sent a prayer to the sky and hoped that from now on luck was on their side. That his wife would recover once she was back home and with her family.  
Jack stopped the truck next to the fence. When the engine died it became quiet in the car for a moment. Again words were laying on his lips, waiting to be spoken but her head was still turned away. A deep sigh escaped his mouth and he decided to get out and walk around to her side. On his way the folded wheelchair that was covered by a plastic sheet on the loading space of the truck caught his eyes and caused an unpleasant feeling in his stomach.  
The problem was that most parts of the property and the house weren't accessible and it would be hard for Lisa to move around in the wheelchair. Even though that thought had occupied his mind before, Jack realized now what emotions were linked to the fact. Lisa's troubled face revealed them all at once as he stood next to her and started to slip his arms under her legs and around her back. Effortlessly he pulled her out of the car and carried her across the wet driveway towards the house.  
The place was deserted. Everybody was out. Lou and Katie were back in New York, Ty at the clinic, Amy and Lyndy probably at Fairfield by now and Georgie was still at school. Jack was somewhat relieved that no one was here to welcome Lisa back home. The tension in her body was proof enough that she had been worried about her comeback. She didn't want a big fuss about it and didn't like to meet anybody anyway. Jack was the only one she still kind of tolerated although he felt more and more unwanted, too.  
With his foot he pushed the door open and entered the house.  
"Welcome back home.", Jack whispered close to her ear. A faint smile played around the corners of her lips but vanished quickly. Her eyes were scanning the surroundings as he let her down onto one of the kitchen chairs. A little and colorful bouquet of garden flowers where put onto the table with a short note that leaned against the vase: "Welcome home, Lisa." it said with Amy's handwriting. Something like a illegible scrawl next to it – baby Lyndy's signature. What a nice gesture, Jack thought but Lisa didn't seem to notice since her eyes were still wandering through the room, a frown on her face.  
She probably just needed a short moment to settle back into the familiar surroundings, it rushed through his mind.  
"The same old mess.", Jack tried to small talk but didn't get a reaction. Her face was still in a frown as her eyes studied the many pictures on the fridge.  
He would better give her a second and get the wheelchair in the meantime.  
"I will be right back.", he said and rushed out the house.  
The clear air was refreshing once he stepped onto the porch. A deep breath helped him to clear his mind. With a glance into the distance, Jack noticed that the rainbow was gone and a new wall of dark clouds was rolling in. More rain had been forecasted for the night. Maybe he could light a fire and they could make themselves comfortable on the couch with a hot drink. That sounded like a good idea and the thought of having his wife back at Heartland made his heart jump.  
Back in the house he unfolded the wheelchair. Now that it stood in the kitchen Jack had no idea how this was going to work. It seemed to big for the inside of the house. How was Lisa able to move through the house in a wheelchair that was hitting against something every other meter? He swallowed and took his hat off to run a hand through his hair while he stepped further into the room.  
"Do you want a cup of tea?", he tried to distract himself from a new wave of upcoming worries.  
She shook her head and pointed at the wheelchair instead.  
"Could you just move it over here, please?"  
"Er yes, sure.", he quickly replied and rolled it next to her chair. The next second he watched his wife heaving herself into it. Over the time in the hospital she regained much more strength in her arms and became used to switch seats like that. His help wasn't needed. However, since they just arrived home, Jack wasn't sure what she was up to. Couldn't they just enjoy a cup of tea together? Obviously not. Lisa turned around and rolled through the room only to stop near the dining table and look around as if she was searching for something. Jack waited.  
"Wha-what way is our room?", Lisa asked and the uncertainty in her voice put a perplexed expression on his face.  
There had been a few occasions where he wasn't quite sure if Lisa really did remember all the things she claimed. Especially when he was talking about what everyone in the family was up to these days. When Lou and Katie came for a hospital-visit a couple weeks ago Lisa didn't seem to recognize them at first. It was awkward and it became even more awkward when Georgie, Ty and Tim came over to bring flowers and get-well wishes. After they left Lisa asked a few questions that made him wonder if she could recall her life at all. Despite that Jack was more than relieved that she remembered him and their relationship.  
However, now was one of these moments where he got the impression her family and her home wasn't back in her memory yet. But she wouldn't confess.  
Just tell her, Jack thought even though there were many other questions swirling around his head right now.  
"To the right. Wait, let me he-"  
"I can manage.", her voice was sharp like a knife as she started to roll towards their bedroom. The left wheel hit against the last chair which made her mumble something Jack couldn't understand. With a hurt expression his eyes followed his wife as she disappeared into the darkness of the room and shut the door.  
He swallowed hard. He swallowed down the urge to run after her.  
"Give her some space.' these words repeated themselves in his head and Jack now understood that it was time to back off. It didn't feel right at all but maybe it was the only way to help. Hopefully.  
With a terrible and unsettled feeling in his gut he put the hat back on, turned and left the house with the persistent urge that became stronger with ever second. It was hard to leave like this. It felt as if he was losing her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The scent of horses and straw filled her nose as she entered the barn. It was quiet down here.  
Finally.  
The silence was soothing.  
Only the chewing sounds of the animals eating their hay was heard. One of them raised its head when she entered and looked across the stable door. With its buckskin color Lisa recognized it as her husband's horse Buddy. His dark and faithful eyes were curiously examining her in the wheelchair. He probably hadn't seen something like this before, Lisa thought and although he swung his head towards her she tried to keep some distance between them. Something within the horse reminded her of Jack and its staring eyes started to bother her.  
"Stop looking at me.", she mumbled and forced herself to turn away from him. She was looked at enough by the others. It always made her feel uncomfortable.  
Why did she come here anyway? Two weeks had passed since the return to Heartland. Two weeks since she had been staying in the bedroom for most of the time. The place where she was alone and where she was able to avoid all those eyes and annoying questions, the sympathy and support everyone was offering. She didn't want all that help. Those extras. She just wanted to be left alone.  
Last weekend Lou and Katie came back from New York to stay a couple weeks before Lou would head back, yet considered to leave her daughter at Heartland. Lisa wasn't too happy about it. With their come back a lot of noise and turmoil came along. Katie was a lively child and the stay in New York had filled her with so many new impressions that she was constantly talking about the adventures she had made there with her mum, her nanny and new friends.  
Since Lisa was back from the hospital, the girl kept asking to spend time with her godmother. Lisa however, was neither in the mood nor did she had the nerves to entertain Katie. Besides that there was nothing she shared with the child. There were no memories of her whatsoever. The thought of taking care of someone else was plainly overwhelming. Although Lou didn't really seem to understand, Jack sensed his wife's trouble and excused her more than often.  
She could call herself lucky to be married to a man like him. Despite all the problems they were going through currently, he was watching over her like an old and very faithful dog.  
It was too much.  
He was taking her the air to breath.  
He was constricting her.  
While Lou had been gone, Jack was kind enough to leave the bedroom to his wife during the night. But now that he was back on his side of the bed, Lisa couldn't help but feel even more annoyed. She was restless whenever they shared the same room. Sometimes the wish to go back to Fairfield was hard to resist but Jack would never allow her to leave. He was too worried and too involved in the belief that she needed him. Lisa didn't need him or at least she didn't want to admit that she needed him. Yes, it wasn't easy to manage her daily life in her current state but sooner or later she would have to learn it. Jack wouldn't be there forever.  
That thought suddenly rose a feeling in her heart she hadn't felt for a long time but what was it? What was she feeling? Lisa closed her eyes for a short moment to let the thought fade away without questioning the emotions even more.  
Little dust particles were visible in the air and danced through the barn, taken by the soft breeze that blew through the alley.  
The day started with nice sunshine and since Lou was at the dude ranch and Katie at pre-school Lisa took the chance to ask Jack if he could take her outside to sit a bit in the warmth of the sun. Of course he did but had to drive in to town to pick up some horse feed. He left right after he brew her a cup of hot tea, made sure that she was dressed warm enough and reassured about a dozen times that he wouldn't be gone long. Lisa waited until his truck disappeared behind a cloud of dust. Before she decided to roll down to the barn, she had stared at the building for a long moment. She didn't mean to go there at first but something told her so. A voice in her head.  
Lisa knew that horses had been a big part of her life. She worked with them, she bred them, she sold them, she loved them. Fairfield was an equine business - a breeding and racing operation. She did remember it. Still, with the accident many things changed. Not only did she lose some of her memories and the ability to walk but also her attitude towards horses had changed. In the last two weeks at Heartland a couple occasions had shown her that she didn't trust the animals like she used to but was she afraid of them? Lisa wanted to know and that was the reason why she was here now, standing in the alley of the barn, Buddy still looking at her from behind – as if he was watching over her.  
"Oh hey Lisa."  
She flinched by the unexpected sound of the female voice behind her and when she turned around, she could see Amy entering the barn. Next to her a black horse that was saddled up – Spartan. His dark figure contrasted to the bright background of the outside.  
"Hi."  
"Is everything okay?" Amy asked with a worried frown on her face.  
"Y-Yes. I-I was just-"  
"Are you looking for grandpa?"  
"I- no. No, he is in town."  
A pause emerged between the two women. Amy was looking at her grandfather's wife, waiting for her to go on but when she stayed silent, the young woman knew better than to push Lisa any further. "Okay.", and with that the she stopped asking and led her horse further down. Lisa rolled back immediately when the horse came closer. Her heart was racing as the animal walked past her. His eyes on her the entire time. Since there wasn't much space to back up more, she closed her eyes and held her breath for a moment until the horse was over and there was more room. She exhaled loudly.  
The next ten minutes passed in silence. Amy unsaddled her horse that stood in the barn without being tied up. He was completely calm while his owner did the work. From safe distance Lisa watched the blond woman. Every movement was done with so much care and gentleness and at the same time expertise and experience. She was a true horse woman. She lived her dream. The horses knew and felt safe around her. Even Lisa could feel the vibe that was radiating from her.  
A few horses snorted in their stables, but besides that it was quiet.  
Lisa could have left. There wasn't much more to say than they already exchanged. At least she didn't feel like talking more. The reason to come down here was still unanswered or rather left her unsatisfied. She just wanted to know how it felt to be around horses again. So far it didn't feel good at all. She wanted to know if they would bring back any more memories but so far nothing happened. Most things were still blurry, if not to say black in her head. She didn't remember the accident and not even that she had been at the race track because of an important race and her horse that showed behavioral problems lately. She remembered many things from her life. That she was married to Jack for instant or that the problems at Fairfield made her move to Heartland. From the Heartland family it was only Amy she could remember. All the other ones didn't exist in her memories yet. It was strange and it felt as if her memory was shattered into thousand little pieces of a puzzle. Some of them were still there, others were missing. She couldn't get them together and fix it.  
"I want to show you someone.", Amy suddenly said and ripped her from her thought. Lisa notices only now that Spartan was back in his stable and started to eat his hay.  
Without further explanation Amy walked to the back of the barn where the doors stood open and an iron gate separated the barn from the field behind. A few horses were standing there. Some of them collecting loose branches from the ground, others eating grass and two of them playing in the far back of the field. Amy whistled softly and the head of a tall black horse flew up immediately.  
"Come here boy!"  
And without hesitation he did. With long strides he made his way towards the gate. With every meter the horse came closer, its high figure seemed to grow even more. Like a giant the horse came to an halt in front of them. In her low position, Lisa felt the urge to move back a bit. She didn't feel comfortable there at all.  
"Who is that?", she asked with a faint shake in her voice that resulted from the uncertainty about the current situation.  
"Chandelier Glow.", Amy said and stroked the horse's face. His mane played softly in the wind. His eyes wide and awake, the ears turned in every direction.  
So that was him. Jack told her about the horse but again Lisa didn't have any memories of him at all. Chandelier Glow, her horse that won so many races in the past. The one that brought so much success and hope. Yet, the same one that also brought so much sorrow into her life. The one that was the reason for her state. The loss of memories. The inability to walk. Her fate to sit in a wheelchair never being able to walk again.  
So this was him.  
No, Lisa didn't blame the horse for the accident but it was hard to not feel some kind of fear towards him.  
She hadn't expected to meet him here at all.  
"I thought he is at Fairfield. Wh-What is he doing here?"  
"He just enjoys being treated like all the other horses." Amy simply replied and gave the gelding a carrot that she drew from her pocket.  
"That was his problem all along. Being treated like someone that needed extra care. Besides all the success, he is just a horse after all. He needs his friends and a field to live in. You know what makes him run that fast on the track? Not the training and not the special treatment. Freedom. Freedom to just live like that. Like the other horses although he is a superstar. Eh, Chandelier? You like your carrots, aren't you?"  
With care he took the treat and munched it with great pleasure.  
Lisa was lost for words. Never in her life had she felt so close to a horse. Emotionally close. With everything Amy just said about the black horse, Lisa couldn't get rid of the feeling that she was just like him. That she needed freedom to live. She needed her independence to be able to start walking again. But how would she regain independence if she wasn't able to walk? It was mutually exclusive. The one thing wouldn't come without the other. It was crazy.  
"Lisa?", Amy's voice sounded worried. She had obviously called her a couple times already. Lisa looked up and at the carrot Amy was holding towards her.  
"He loves them.", she said with a wink and an encouraging smile on her lips.  
Her eyes started to move between the treat and the horse that was as well eyeing its favorite food expecting.  
To be honest, Lisa was glad that there were a few meters of distance between them and wasn't too font of approaching the horse but what was Amy going to think if she wouldn't have the courage to feed her own horse – that she was afraid of him? Heck, she was but didn't want others to know. So, she raised her hand to take the carrot but at the same time the gray horse that stood in its stable behind Amy jumped forward. With flat ears it tried to take a snap at the black gelding that luckily still stood behind the gate but reacted immediately with a squeak and a flying front leg that hit loudly against the iron bars.  
The sudden movements and the noise made Lisa wince. Terrible pictures of two horses fighting suddenly emerged in her head. She in between the two massive bodies. Narrowed eyes, screwed up nostrils, bared teeth, dangerously sounding squeals and snorts, legs everywhere. Her back against solid iron bares. She was trapped.  
"Boys! Stop! Phoenix! Back up!" Amy's voice was loud and piercing as she tried to shoo back the jealous gray.  
 _"LISA!"_ Suddenly, in the far distance of her memories, her husband's voice. Scared to death. She shook her head and rolled the wheelchair around. In hurry Lisa left the barn.  
"Lisa! Wait!", the young woman called after her, but she was already outside.  
The sun hit her face, fresh air filled her lungs. With a deep breath she tried to get off these terrible pictures that were spinning in her head.


	9. Chapter 9

(A short but important update.)

Chapter 9

"Lisa?!" His voice roared through the empty house as he made his way towards the bedroom, in his hand an envelop. The lines on Jack's face where deep but not formed by worry. This time he was angry. He needed to have a talk with his wife. A serious talk.  
Without knocking, he opened the door and stepped into the room. Despite the time of the day, it was dark in there. As always. The curtains of the window were shut and only the bedside lamp brought a bit light into the darkness. Next to the desk Lisa sat in the wheelchair and read a magazine yet looked up startled by the sudden entry of her husband who stepped up to her. His facial expression didn't promise anything good.  
What was it this time?  
"What is all this about?", he confronted her immediately and let the envelop fall onto the magazine in her lap. She looked at it. A frown started to display on her face. A white envelop that got her name on it, still unopened.  
"I don't know what you mean."  
He pointed at the letter.  
"I am not a fool, Lisa!", he was angry that his own wife seemed to hold a secret from him that probably concerned both of them. Jack didn't know what she was up to but he had the strong feeling that it was important and his feeling seldom lied.  
"I would never say so.", her calm reaction met his enraged temper.  
"Then what is this about? I have noticed the sender's address. Real estate agency? Besides that Dan has been acting weird for days and what about all those secret phone calls?" Deep down he feared that he already knew the answer. It was time that she confirmed it, but instead of giving him the answer he needed, Lisa took the time to open the letter. Slowly she unfolded the paper and read it. Her eyes were moving over the sheet while going through the content.  
That she played out time made him even more furious, but he forced himself to patience.  
After a few minutes, her eyes still on the letter, Lisa sighed, knowing that she had to tell him now. The letter held the message she had been waiting for.  
One step closer.  
"I am selling Fairfield.", Lisa finally said but avoided his gaze. She could feel that he was trying to understand the new information.  
What did she just say? Jack needed to hear it again.  
"You are what?!"  
"I am selling Fairfield.", she simply repeated and still couldn't manage to look up.  
Jack just kept staring at her, lost for words as the secret was finally out and wandered through his head.  
She was being honest. It was serious. It wasn't the first time his wife considered to let her business go but after he kept her from doing so the first time and after she had been so brave and strong during the last year, Jack would have never assumed that she would ever go through this again. This wasn't supposed to happen. After the accident he made all the arrangement that everything stayed the same. That Fairfield was still there, waiting for her to come back. It had been anything but easy. The whole Heartland family, the whole Fairfield staff and Dan Hartfield had pulled together to make it work. The whole thing had been so energy-sapping that he feared to lose his own cattle-business. Amy sacrificed most of her time for Fairfield's resurgence and meanwhile lost important clients of her own. Heck, he even put up with his wife's ex-husband and now here she sat in front of him, telling him that Fairfield was on the market. She didn't even have the decency to look him in the eyes.  
"You can't just sell it."  
This time Lisa looked up, her eyes sending out so much abhorrence.  
"Why not? Because I am disabled?"  
"What? No-"  
"Of course I can!" Now it was her that was getting angry.  
"Do you know how much work we have put into it to keep it going? For you?!"  
"I've never asked you to."  
"No, you were in coma and I was worried to death if you would ever wake up! But I believed in you and we fought for it, so that one day you could carry on your business. Your family's business. Your life!"  
Yeah, her life. What life? She didn't have one. Sitting here in the dark room day after day. The outside world was even more depressing than staying in the darkness.  
"I can't Jack! Can't you see? I cannot and I never will! Look at me! I can't go back and go on as if nothing ever happened!  
"This is not the end, Lisa. There are still chances."  
"Oh are there? Like what? Me rolling through the stables, getting stuck in all the mud and being run down by more horses? Or like, oh wonder I will wake up one day and start to walk again? This won't happen. Accept it!", she was nearly yelling now, the deadly irony in her voice was mingled with all the pain she had been keeping to herself the last months. Yet, she still managed to keep control over her emotions.  
Jack knew exactly that it was as hard for her as it was for him to accept the current situation. She hadn't accept it at all, either. He wished she could just let go all the frustration and anger that were boiling in her heart.  
"I at least thought you wanted to keep it in the family. For Georgie or Katie. For their future. That's what you promised a couple years ago."  
"Things change."  
"Yes, unfortunately they do.", he said sadly and referred to everything that was going on between them lately. The coldness between them.  
Jack was tired. He was tired and exhausted, disappointed and hurt. It was hard to be strong for himself, for her and for the both of them. A marriage didn't work like that. Their marriage didn't work like that and Jack wondered if it was still strong enough to withstand the bad storm they were going through ever since she came out the coma. He kept fighting for her but didn't know if Lisa was doing the same. She rather seemed to fight against him than for their marriage. The frustration and depression suppressed the respect and love they once shared and he wasn't able to get her out of it, to find back to him.  
Their eyes were set on each other. Lisa understood the meaning and concern of his words, yet didn't give in.  
"Fairfield is still my business. I think I am grown up enough to make decisions like that."  
It was useless to counter an argument with that. She was grimly determined to go that way and since he only filled in her position as the owner of Fairfield Stables for the time she was in hospital Jack knew that he didn't have the right to talk her out of it.  
He sighed heavily.  
"Do you already have a buyer?"  
"Dan is interested. And since, thanks to _you,_ he already manages most of the things there, it is only plausible to sell it to him."  
Dan.  
Of course Dan was interested and Jack knew that involving Dan Hartfield in the first place had been a bad idea all along. This feeling hadn't been that far-fetched. His feeling never lied.  
"I wished you would have told me first.", he said calmly, turned and left the room without looking back at her. The door closed behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

(Hello. It's me. Back again. Where it all began. ;) Yes, it has been a long time since the last chapter and what can I say...my job keeps me busy every single day and leaves me neither time nor enough strenght to write. The holidays were a great change and yeah, I finished the next chapter which had been sleeping for so long in my computer.  
I hope you still remember what happened so far. If not or if you are missing the certain vibe than pls take the time and reread (at least) the last chapter.  
Enjoy reading. Dunno when I will be able to upload the next chapter. Maybe a few days. Maybe not.)

Chapter 10

"So, Jack. I would have never thought I would say that, but I can't stand your silence anymore. You have been quiet all morning.", the middle-aged cowboy turned in his saddle to look at his ex-father-in-law who creeped by on his buckskin colored horse. A dark shade was drawn across Jack's face and the expression in his eyes seemed somewhat withdrawn. The bad mood had taken a toll on him today. He had been trying to stay positive for a long time but all the energy he had been putting into it was used up. In addition to that he had been in the saddle since six in the morning, after the night on the limited space of the couch went by without sleep. A dull pain pounded through his head as the two cowboys made their way back home. They had been checking the fences of the far back fields and were now returning home for some lunch and a well-deserved cup of tea. The refreshment was desperately needed since they planned to move the cows this afternoon. Jack didn't feel like it at all. He just wanted to lay down and get some rest.  
The penetrating gaze of the younger man was annoying, so Jack just grumbled under his breath which however was clearly audible for Tim who was now raising an eyebrow at him, still not looking away.  
"What?", he pushed him which didn't improve Jack's mood.  
"I can't find any reason why I should talk with you about it.", he snapped at him and pulled his hat even deeper into his face.  
"Well, I could think of one."  
Jack grunted again.  
"C'mon Jack. Everyone knows how hard it is to deal with Lisa at the moment. Not to mention to live with her.", he rose his hand now and gesticulated wildly through the air.  
"Oh just shut up, Tim!", Jack replied sharply and animated his horse to pull ahead. He hated when Tim was right, but Jack couldn't deny it. It was hard. Dealing and living with Lisa was hard which was the reason for everything. For his bad mood, his exhaustion, his sleepless nights, the pain in his gut and more over the pain in his heart.  
After yesterday's argument about the sudden choice to sell Fairfield, Jack came to the decision to just leave her alone. Not because he wanted to but because he had no more strength left to fight for her or for the both of them.  
After all Dan's advice was right – it was best to give her some space. To back out a bit. It seemed to be the last chance to help her. Maybe she would find her way back to him herself. Hopefully.  
They crossed the top of the hill that overlooked the ranch side. His home. His life and the place where his heart belonged to. The view was mesmerizing – as always. The place wasn't big but certainly something special. Jack had never wanted to build up Heartland to one of those big and fancy business places. He understood very early what kind of problems came along when running an operation that involved too many people. Too many people usually meant too many problems. Jack didn't need that kind of stress in his life, so he made sure to keep it small and simple. That's what is was: Heartland was small and simple and with those traits even more beautiful things have thrived over the years – a sense for togetherness, cohesion and solidarity. It were those kinds of things why people liked to come to Heartland when looking out for help or a place to recover. Jack loved that his home was also home for so many others, even when it was just for a short period of time.  
"Hey, are you expecting someone?", Tim asked and broke his ex-father-in-law's thoughts while nodding towards the ranch house where a yellow cap stood on the driveway.  
With a frown Jack looked into the same direction. He couldn't see anybody than a man who was busy to load something into the trunk of the car. Neither did Jack expect someone, nor was he informed that somebody was leaving today. Seeing the cap standing on his property wasn't right.  
With a click of his tongue, he sent his horse forward and pushed him into a gallop that was almost dangerous as Buddy was trying hard to keep himself and his rider in balance as he stumbled downhill through the high grass. Every meter they put behind brought a new wave of anxiety. With every meter more things became visible that told him that the cap shouldn't be here. There was a familiar luggage in the trunk of the car while the driver was trying to figure out how to fold a certain wheelchair so it would fit in it as well.  
Jack's heart pounded in full speed against his chest. As soon as they reached the main square he stopped his horse and jumped off, forgetting all about the pain in his own legs.  
The man stopped in his movements and looked up puzzled by the sudden appearance of the horse and the tall cowboy.  
"Sir?"  
"Jack, wait!", Tim tried to hold him back and only now Jack noticed that he had followed him down the hill. But instead of holding back, Jack pushed the reins of his horse into Tim's hand and without giving the driver anymore attention, hurried past him and around the car.  
His heart was nearly jumping out his chest right now.  
The back door was already shut. Jack ripped it open and looked at his startled wife. She hadn't expected him to be back so soon.  
The time stood still.  
"Lisa, what-?"  
For a moment they just stared at each other. Her eyes flashed in the darkness of the car yet the familiar sparkle that he had fallen in love with every single day for the last ten years was gone. Gone was the Lisa he once knew. The Lisa that loved him as much as he loved her. Gone was the warmth that surrounded their relationship.  
The unspoken words hung between them. He was trying to understand what was going one while she wasn't sure about his reaction.  
"Where are you going?", he almost whispered and he felt his heart in his boots when she turned her head away from him again to avoid his gaze.  
"I don't know. Somewhere.", she replied bluntly.  
Somewhere? What did she mean with 'somewhere'? Was she leaving him? Over his shoulder he looked at a smaller suitcase that still stood next to the cap and the purse on the seat beside her. Everything started to make sense now.  
A cold shiver ran down his spine. Witnessing her leaving him brought back so many bad memories. They had been there before. They had been apart twice already. One time after the time in France and the second time after his heart attack. Both times something in him broke which hadn't healed to this day. And now? Now she was turning her back on him again and again another piece of him went down. They were married, for god's sake! She couldn't leave like this. What would come next? The divorce?  
By no means, Jack could let that happen. Standing right here next to the car was the very last chance to help her out of her depression. Dan's advice was wrong. He was losing her even more by backing out. Letting her go now, meant that she was never coming back again.  
There was not much time to think things over. So Jack trusted his gut feeling and slipped his arms around her back and under her legs – a movement he had done so often before. It was easy. He knew how to pick her up quickly and to carry her safely. However, this time Lisa wasn't prepared, if not to say agreed with her husband's decision to pull her out the vehicle. Her hands were trying to push his away, but he was too quick for her.  
"Jack, no! What are you - Stop! Let me go!"  
"You're not going anywhere, Lisa.", he said while leaning back up, careful not to hit her head against the door frame as she was trying to get off his arms now. But his grip was fierce, he wouldn't let her go. Four years ago he promised to never let her slip through his fingers again. Four years ago he sealed that promise with an engagement ring and a day later with a wedding ring and a kiss that would never let her doubt his love for her. Four years later, on this day and at this very moment, Jack still kept his promise. He wouldn't let her go. Of course, he had no right to force her but she wasn't herself at the moment. The accident, the coma, the inability to walk, all that had turned her into a woman that didn't know who she was and where she belonged to, nor what people were on her side. Over the last months she had fallen so deep into a depression that she felt offended by everything and everyone that was close to her. Jack knew that one day his wife would regret all the decisions she was making right now. It was his responsibility to save her from it. As his faithful husband he was the one to take care of his wife. Yet, obviously Lisa thought differently. She was fighting against him and was trying hard to push herself away from him as Jack took a few steps back and turned around, suddenly facing the driver of the cap.  
"Sir, I order you to let go of her or I see myself forced to call the police."  
"You better get off my property before I am going to call the police:", Jack grunted and made his way around him and towards the house with a yelling woman in his arms.  
"You don't have the right to do that!" Her fists started to punch his chest now while he was trying not to accidentally drop her. Despite the inability to walk she was quite agile and strong.  
"Let me DOWN!" The last word was leaving her lips so harshly that Jack started to wonder if he was really doing the right thing. But there was no other choice. Apparently, Dan always chose to leave whenever times got bad. He never stayed with his wife when she was fighting for whatever reason. He never understood how to deal with her in such circumstances. He never was the other half of their marriage. He was just Dan Hartfield. A man that lived his life for his own benefit. Probably the reason why Lisa learned to keep the difficult things in her life to herself. However, Jack wasn't like that. He couldn't even if he tried. If someone needed help than he was there to find a solution, to give advises or to offer his strong shoulder. That's what made the Heartland family so likable over all those generations.  
The same moment he was walking through the gate of the little front lawn, a group of four appeared on the other side of the main square.  
Amy and Ty just exited the barn with Katie and Lyndy in tow, but stopped as soon as they noticed that something was going on outside. The little blond girl immediately recognized her great-grandfather in the distance and was a bit alarmed to hear her godmother's loud and angry voice.  
"Auntie Amy, what's going on?"  
But Amy already had a hand on her niece's shoulder.  
"Ty, could you take Katie and Lyndy back to the barn?", she asked her husband with a concerned expression on her face as she looked across the driveway. Lisa's fierce voice was still piercing through the strange silence that lay upon the property. Luckily Ty understood the seriousness of the situation immediately and lifted his daughter onto his arm while grabbing Katie's little hand.  
"Of course. Come on girls."  
Amy hurried over to her father who still stood with two horses a few feet from the yellow cap.  
"Dad, what is going on?", she asked full of worry while both watched what was happening before their eyes. The whole scenery was a mess. Amy had never seen her grandfather struggling with someone else like this before. It could almost be interpreted the wrong way, although Amy knew that Jack had his reasons for whatever he was doing or planning to do. The cap driver however looked very unsettled.  
Tim turned towards him, before he would come to any more false conclusions.  
"I think your service isn't needed anymore.", he snapped at the man who nodded, quickly pulled the luggage out of the trunk and placed Lisa's purse right next to it.  
"You are some crazy folks.", he let them know before he closed the doors, hopped into the cap and took off with a howling engine that sent the horses back a few steps.  
But the noise of the leaving vehicle was already drowned out by the yelling that came from the porch of the ranch house.  
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! I AM NOT A PUPPET THAT YOU CAN CARRY AROUND WHENEVER YOU LIKE! LET ME DOWN! NOW!"  
"I am just doing what is best for you.", Jack tried to stay as calm as he could and to ignore her wild hands that were still flying around him as he managed to set her down onto the bench on the porch.  
"WHAT IS BEST FOR ME? ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS BEST FOR ME! YOU ARE NOT ME! I AM THE ONE SITTING IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR! I AM THE ONE THAT WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO WALK AGAIN! I AM THE ONE WHOSE LIFE IS TOTALLY MESSED UP AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR ME?! YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST? GET OUT OF MY LIFE!", she screamed and looked so fiercely at him, that Jack thought to almost see the fire blazing behind those icecold eyes. Hearing those words coming from her lips hurt more than the hands that hit hard against his torso and her nails that were scratching over his skin.  
He just wanted her to stop. To stop this lunacy. After a few failed attempts, Jack finally got a hold of her wrists and pushed them down determining.  
"STOP LISA! I mean it." His eyes were fixed on hers. Never had he seen his wife so furious. So raving and mad. And to see the lurking face of hate in her very own features scared him.  
"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I DON'T NEED YOU! I DON'T NEED ANYBODY! YOU ARE TAKING ME THE AIR TO BREATH! WHY DON'T YOU GET THAT?! I ….CAN'T... breath- I can't-", the yelling subsided into crying and the next second she broke down right in front of him. One tear after the other ran down her cheeks before her head dropped into her lap, absentmindedly landing on his hands that were still holding hers down.  
The sobs rattled through her lungs and shook her body vigorously.  
Jack swallowed hard.  
What was just happening?  
Was all of this even for real right now?  
The nightmare at the racetrack many months ago hadn't stopped to this day. It still continued and day by day it was taking away more of whatever they once had.  
One after the other picture of his beautiful wife started to run through his head as he still watched her capitulated body. Her crying was ripping his heart into pieces.  
Lisa had always been so strong, so funny, so lively and independent - a woman that loved her life and her freedom. He wasn't like that. He needed his permanent home and the steadiness in his life. However, despite those differences, they learned how to deal with them. When to come together and also when to part. Jack understood now that he had been holding her back for his own good. He clung so desperately to her that she was choking.  
Keeping her here was sheer torture. It was about time. She needed to leave. He needed to get her out of here.  
Carefully Jack drew his hands from under her head, the back of them wet from her tears. She didn't even notice when he got up and vanished into the house to quickly pack a few important things into his duffle bag, snatched the car keys from the kitchen counter and stepped back outside.  
In the meantime it had become quiet. Lisa's crying had stopped but her face was still hidden in her lap. On the driveway Jack noticed Tim, Amy and Lou. He hadn't even realized that Amy and Lou were around, yet had no time to think about how to explain to them what just happened. With a quick movement of his arm, the duffle bag landed behind his shoulder so he got his hands free to get the woman that this time didn't show the slightest inclination to oppose. This time she really felt like a puppet in his arms. No complaining, no hitting, nothing. She didn't even look at him, least to say seemed to notice that she was carried across the pathway again.  
Jack forced himself not to worry about that right now. The destination was clear.  
Away from here.  
To save her.  
At his truck, he quickly set her onto the passenger seat before circling the vehicle and throwing the bag onto the loading space. Right there his grandchildren finally stepped up to him.  
Amy's face was pale from worry while Lou's green eyes had turned into a darker shade.  
"Grandpa-", Amy started and her voice faltered. He could tell that she was scared about the circumstances.  
"It's okay Amy. Everything is gonna be alright.", he promised with a dry throat and this time he swore to himself to make sure to turn this promise into reality. Jack leaned over to press a soft kiss against her hairline before getting in his truck.  
"Where are you going?", Lou asked who stepped closer.  
"Out of here. Don't worry. I will call you." and with that he pulled the door shut and started the engine to back out and leave the place he called home.


	11. Chapter 11

(... I. Am. So. Sorry! I know you have waited like an eternity for this chapter to come and I can't tell you enough how sorry I am to let you wait sooo long. Life just took over... . Go and enjoy this chapter. I hope it is a good one and you are not disappointed after all that wating!)

Chapter 11

One single tear escaped the corner of her eyes before she quickly removed it with the back of her index finger. Things had become by far more overwhelming this day than they had the entire last year.  
What started off as a financial problem and keeping her businesses alive became a total nightmare that kind of took a sudden turn today. Lisa still couldn't decide whether it was a good or a bad one. Releasing all the anger that had bottled-up was like hurling a rock from her body. However, the thing that made her feel so guilty and bad was who she had hurled it at. Jack didn't deserve anything that happened earlier today. He didn't deserve how she had been treating him. Not only today but the whole time. But he kept sticking around, supporting her, helping her, being the constant in her life when everything else was breaking apart.  
Another tear found its way down her cheek, this time resulting from a pool of different emotions. While she felt so bad on the one hand, Lisa was also deeply touched by the place Jack brought her to. Coming here was hard and emotional at the same time.  
Gone were the claustrophobic walls of the bedroom and the house that now had changed into the wideness of nature. Trees were surrounding the place while the wind was playing around her face and brushed against her pale skin. The deep orange of the setting sun was kissing the tops of the trees and drew long shadows across the ground.  
Lisa felt secure where she was. So many days had been spent at the fishing cabin that stood lonely in between the snowy mountains. The wild stream running next to it. So many memorable moments have been written at that place. She luckily remembered them all. From the first day Jack kindly brought her here, to the morning when he asked her to take on the cabin, the renovation and the last day they spent up here before everything went downhill. The fishing cabin – always a place where they could find peace and tender togetherness. Where their bond to each other was different than it was in the company of others. Where their love was as honest as it could be. Today was no exception. She could feel it. The bond was rebuilding itself.  
Lisa had been sitting on the porch for about two hours now. Jack had put her here exactly after they arrived. There wasn't a single word they had exchanged since the incident on Heartland. Lisa couldn't tell if he was angry with her or if he was just giving her time. Time to process and to make the first move. After he made sure she was fine on the porch by herself, he had taken his fishing gear and left for the river. That's were he had been the entire time and Lisa had been watching him since then, seeing a blurry picture of herself standing next to him, fishing and laughing, being the happy person she used to be.  
If there was just a chance to walk down to him, to not only surprise herself but also him with being able to stand on both of her feet again. To stand in the water with him.-  
The illusion vanished into air when he was rolling in the line of the fishing rod and made his way out the river, walking over to her with the fishing gear in both of his hands.  
Lisa tried to smile at him, but he wasn't looking and sat down on his wooden chair with a heavy sigh escaping his mouth.  
Again there wasn't a single word spoken. It was awkward.  
Lisa watched him.  
Slowly he started to take off his wellingtons and the waders and put on his casual boots.  
It took about five minutes when Jack finally leaned back, rested his arm on the table and stared at the beautiful scenery that now was colored in a dark orange, almost reddish shade.  
Lisa knew that Jack wouldn't start talking. Not until she made the first move. She wanted to. She was trying to say something, going through different possibilities in her head but non of them seemed accurate for what needed to be said. It was hard. After all what happened.  
Almost automatically her hand reached over the small table and clasped his. The connection between them was there immediately. She saw him turning his head to look at her grip before looking up. The surprise was written all over his face. With risen eyebrows he was waiting for her to say something.  
"Thank you.", she started after a little pause, "Thank you for bringing me here."  
Jack briefly nodded, turned his hand within hers and squeezed her fingers emphatically. The connection became stronger. She realized how much she had missed having that feeling with him. It made her feel completed.  
"Would you take me down to the river?.", Lisa expressed her wish carefully and hoped he didn't question the desire too much. She felt bad for requesting even more after all those months he had been sacrificing, but swore to herself that it was the last thing she was asking him to do.  
"Sure." Jack rose from his chair, she smiled and took off her shoes and rolled up the legs of her jeans.  
When he stepped closer to pick her up it was the first time in all those months that she felt secure and safe with the minimal distance between their bodies. Being lifted into his arms was like rising up from the black pond of her depression. Lisa couldn't help but gasp to the relieving feeling that suddenly lightened her heart. It was so refreshing. The air was pumped deeply through her lungs as they were making their way towards the stream. Like a feather she floated through the air. Her arm was wrapped around his neck to steady herself while her head leaned against his shoulder.  
The noise of the splashing water became louder as they approached it. Without taking off his boots Jack stepped into it and stopped where the water hit his calves. Carefully he let her slip off his arms but kept them tightly around her back to keep her up.  
Lisa was anxious when he let her down. Would she feel something? Would she feel the water? Would she feel the force of the flow? But as soon as she saw her feet hitting the surface Lisa knew that nothing changed. She tried hard not to be too disappointed but couldn't help but sigh sadly under her breath. No miracles here.  
The hands on her back squeezed her skin. She lifted her head to see that Jack had been anxious about the same thing and to witness that he as well was disappointed of the lack of cheering.  
She smiled encouragingly. It was time to be strong for him now.  
The tips of her fingers were slightly moving over his scrubby jawline. 'I only shave when the mood strikes me. And this isn't very often', his words from so many years ago crossed her mind now as they stood in the water, their bodies pressed tightly together.  
It all started here. Eleven years ago. A fishing trip neither of them would ever forget. What a long time, Lisa thought sadly but gratefulness spread in her heart. She would have never wanted to share those last eleven years with anybody else than the man in front of her. The man that was so thoughtful, so loyal and wise. Despite the many moments they weren't on the same page, he was always right at the end. Jack knew life. He knew the twists and turns life took and with this valuable wisdom he tried to prevent her from the mistakes she was about to make. Even though she sometimes didn't understand his reasons but had to remind herself to trust him. To be his wife was a gift. And she had almost given it away deliberately.  
Yet again, she was saved from making the biggest mistake in her life.  
Her palm came to a rest on his cheek now. The expression on her face was a mixture of honesty and regret.  
"Jack. I am sorry. For everything. I was so awful."  
He shook his head.  
"Stop Lisa."  
"No. No, I have been acting so dreadfully."  
"You have had your reasons."  
"Yes, maybe, but it wasn't fair to you. It wasn't fair to treat you like this. I feel ashamed for everything I did and said because-"  
"Lis."  
"-because I do need you. I've needed you all along, Since the day I woke up from coma ...heck even before that." she laughed under the tears that started to fall again. Damn she was so emotional recently. He slightly smiled but kept listening attentively.  
"I don't know if you can ever forgive me."  
"I already did." For a split of a second she felt how he was about to loose his grip around her to move a hand up yet tightened it again quickly when she almost started to sink down since her legs still couldn't keep up her weight, least to say withstand the force of the water. Lisa grabbed on to him, pulling herself closer. For a long moment they were just looking at each other in silence. Exchanging their feelings silently.  
He was so much more to her than just the man she married. The marriage to Dan had almost left her in the belief that this was it. That being married felt so incomplete, so disappointing and painful sometimes because although they vowed to support each other in good and in bad times and to be together till the end, they were not. Lisa had never felt so lonely before she was married to Dan. Whenever she was facing complications and struggles, he would turn his back on her. All those years had turned her to a woman that gained more and more strength and independence to fight for herself because that was what she had to do to get through the difficulties. It all ended in the divorce after she came to the conclusion that she didn't need him. She was better off by herself. That's what the marriage to Dan had taught her: You can do everything by yourself.  
Meeting and falling for Jack almost twelve years ago wasn't on her life-list. Yeah, maybe she was looking for a new relationship and she also met a few men here or there but none of them really caught her interest. However, with Jack things were different right from the start. It was something about him that made her want to explore. He was such a mystery to her in the beginning and she loved every single bit of it. He was like an adventure to her and she was the only one having access to it. What a privilege. What a privilege to be the chosen one. The love just happened and when he promised her to stand by her side in good and in bad times, he meant it. She married not just Jack Bartlett but a man she needed to start believing in love again. To be able to become happy again. To breath and live. She married love and life themselves.  
There was only one thing missing to tell her that he still felt the same way but before she could speak up, Jack already understood and leaned in to meet her lips halfway down. There was no hesitation, no break, no drawing back.  
The kiss was so passionate and deep as if they were trying to make up for all the time that had been lost. Lisa couldn't remember the last time they shared such a tender moment where they clung so tightly together. Where their lips moved so fervently. It had been a long time even before the accident happened and it was kind of surprising that kissing him still felt so familiar, so easy and unforced, yet so new and refreshing, strong and powerful.-  
A sudden piercing feeling didn't just rip her from those thoughts but also made her flinch back and part from the kiss abruptly, clutching to his shirt even more.  
Jack looked at her alarmed as his grip tightened intuitively round her.  
"What's wrong?"  
But she couldn't say anything.  
There was something going on.  
There was this painful feeling in, yeah in her legs that almost made her want to cry from either pain or some kind of happiness Lisa had never felt before. She was staring down at the water that was splashing around and at her legs. Each drop of water almost felt like a stitch of a needle.  
"Lisa?!"  
"I...I...I feel it.", the words stumbled over her lips as she still couldn't believe what was happening. With force Lisa tried to move her right leg out of the water but of course it stayed where it was – yet, the prickle was still on her skin.  
"Wha- You feel what?"  
"The water."  
He looked down, not completely understanding what she was talking about.  
"I can feel the water.", the expression on her face now turned from astonishment to pure joy.  
"Jack, I feel it! I can feel it!"  
Now it was him being surprised after he finally realized what she was talking about.  
"You are?!"  
"Yes!", she nearly laughed and tears of happiness were dwelling up in her eyes.  
The water was running down the stream. For decades, year after year, it was following the same way. Forcefully and steadily as ever it washed over the rocks that lay in the riverbed, forming and shaping them by its own idea. The flow of the water was strong and Lisa admired it. She wished she could be like that, making her legs carry her. But right now the stream was hitting forcefully against her – she could feel. The wetness and the coldness of the water. The coldness that was piercing.  
"It is ice cold!"  
"I know.", he responded amused and Lisa realized that Jack as well had been standing in the water for the entire time. Without his waders on.  
"Gosh, Jack! You must be freezing. I am so sorry."  
"It's fine. Don't worry.", he responded lightly but picked her up anyway to walk back towards the fishing cabin. The last thing he needed was her getting the cold and he as well needed his health for anything that lay ahead of them.

The darkness surrounded her. Yet, it wasn't the same darkness that had accompanied her the last months. This time it felt warm and comfortable. This time she wasn't alone. Jack was with her, laying on the other side of the bed, his arm wrapped around her shoulder, holding her close to his body where she rested her head on his chest. His heart was beating rhythmically against her ear.  
The crackle of the deceasing fire in the little heater filled the small room of the fishing cabin. It was late. Somewhat far after midnight. Lisa couldn't sleep. Her head was full of thoughts. New thoughts that came up with the new experience she had in the river earlier. The feeling of the ice cold water was still prickling on her skin and she enjoyed every single bit of it even though it was the only thing she could feel in her legs. Yet, it made her start to hope again. The hope in a possible healing process that the doctors promised weeks ago. It had been gone for a long time. Ever since all the hard trying at the physical therapy sessions turned out to be wasted time. Ever since she felt so under pressure and exhausted by all the talks and eyes on her. But what if there was a slight chance again? Was she able to do it? Was this feeling in her legs enough to go through all this again? Was there actually a chance to fully recover? Maybe she would just start to feel things which didn't mean that she would be able to walk again. Lisa inhaled loudly and wished she could banish those thoughts from her head and finally fall asleep.  
-"I love you.", his low voice suddenly appeared in the darkness which startled her just a tiny bit. She expected him to be asleep already. Seemed like he didn't get a wink of sleep either.  
"I know.", Lisa sighed against the side of his neck and pressed her lips onto his skin, welcoming the turn her trains of thought took. All this time she hadn't doubt his love for one second. It was more on her to be reminded that despite all the changes, the love stayed the same. That her feelings for him were never gone although the depression had taken a toll on them.  
She needed to be reminded that it was him who she could talk to. It was him who had a sympathetic ear for all her worries and fears.  
"Can I tell you something?"  
"Always."  
"I met Chandelier Glow the other day."  
He remained silent but she knew that he was waiting for her to go on before forming an opinion on it.  
"Amy was there, explaining why she kept him at Heartland in the back field with the other horses.", she went on.  
"What did she say?", his voice was low and his breath met her forehead softly.  
"Said that he needed to be treated normal, that he needed the freedom to be able to run..."  
It became quiet again for a moment where Lisa tried to sort the things she wanted to tell him. She hadn't shared this thought with anybody yet, almost tried to persuade herself that it was stupid.  
"I...I...Jack, I couldn't help but see myself in that horse."  
He moved his hand over her arm to encourage her, telling her that it was totally okay to connect to an animal on a much deeper level.  
"Lisa, I want you to keep believing. And to keep trying. Something happened down by the river. There is a chance for you to walk again."  
She couldn't help but sob to what he said, what she herself didn't dare to speak out loud.  
"This is just the beginning.", he added silently.  
"I don't know how to. I can't go back to those therapy sessions, Jack. They make me sick...I-", she wanted to go on but was lost for words as the memories of those hard and hopeless times crept back into her mind.  
Luckily, Jack found the right words to lead her thoughts into a different direction.  
"You know, the horses' healing power isn't that far-fetched. If you feel a connection to Chandelier Glow, we will ask Amy. I am sure she knows what to do. And most important she would love to help, Lisa. We all do.-  
Promise me to never forget that."  
"I promise.", she whispered and pulled herself closer to him, her hand clinging to his chest.  
There were just so many things she needed to believe in again.

(Thanks to everyone who is so patient with me and this story! I hope the next chapter won't take that long!)


	12. Chapter 12

(Chapter 12 guys! Thanks for all your kind reviews. I am really glad you are still with me after that long wait!)

Chapter 12

"I am glad she agreed on doing this, grandpa."  
"Yeah, me too.", Jack replied but wasn't a hundred percent sure if a professional physical therapy would have been the better choice. It wasn't as if he didn't trust his granddaughter and her approaches. Jack knew that Amy had her reasons for every decision she made and every little step she was planning in order to help her clients – horse or human. It's just...Jack had a bit of a hard time believing that it would work. Maybe the uncertainty came from the desperation. He really wanted Lisa to get back on her feet again. There was nothing else he wanted more these days. The knowledge that a physical therapist was trained to make it happen and furthermore had the right medical expertise was more calming than seeing his wife in her wheelchair, sitting in the middle of the horse paddock behind the barn and doing nothing. She had been sitting there for what felt like hours and so far nothing happened.  
Regarding to Amy's explanation it was a matter of time to get into direct contact with the horse. She didn't want to bring them together just like that. Lisa was afraid of horses. Jack hadn't noticed, but Amy did. She sensed it like any horse would and this was reason enough to let Chandelier Glow decide when to come. Right now not one horse was even close to come over. The whole herd had moved back to the far end of the field, leaving Lisa alone near the barn. It hurt seeing her being abandoned like this.  
"Amy, I'm not sure if-", Jack started unsettled now but the young woman immediately knew what he was about to say.  
"It will. You need to give them time. There is a lot to overcome."

Lisa bit her lower lip. She was relieved that the horses decided to stay away from her. By no means she could deal with these giant animals right now. Hard to believe that she once earned her money with them. The sale of Fairfield Stables was still an option although Jack tried to talk her out of it and she kind of gave in, but to be honest Lisa couldn't see herself back in that business. Not even when this here would work and she would regain the ability to walk again. The accident at the race track, the whole struggle to maintain her breeding operation the last year was a sign. Lisa had enough time to think about it. To find out why those terrible things happened to her. Of course, she didn't blame anyone for it but knew that there was something, if not to say something supernatural, that was telling her to stop. Maybe it was supposed to be the end of her running Fairfield Stables. Maybe it was time to let it go and find something more fulfilling in life and especially in her stage of life. No, Lisa didn't consider herself to be old but she knew that the time that was left needed to be enjoyed. The time that was left to spend with her family. With Jack.  
The accident and everything that happened since then made her understand that life was so valuable. Of course work was still important to her but she needed to take a few steps back. The last year had stressed her out. She was more at Fairfield and meetings than at home. Moving to Heartland had been the best decision. This at least gave her the opportunity to be with her husband during the nights but other than that and besides the usual dinners she was rarely there.  
Perhaps she should explain those reasons to Jack, maybe then he would understand that moving on without Fairfield Stables would take a heavy burden off her shoulders.  
"Hey."  
She flinched by the sudden voice beside her and looked up.  
Amy stood there with a smile on her lips, her eyes set on the horses across the field.  
"How do you feel?", she asked.  
Lisa followed her gaze. The horses hadn't come closer. They were still at the far end of the paddock, not giving her any attention.  
"I'm doing real' bad, huh?", she said referring to the failure of their first session. Lisa wasn't disappointed. She was glad that the horses didn't show interest in her yet.  
"I think you did a fantastic job."  
"Amy.", Lisa laughed "You really don't have to pretend we are making any progress here."  
"I am not. You did make progress. See the buckskin and colored horse over there?", she pointed at two horses that were still busy grazing and were standing the closest to them. Still far away, but there was a clear difference to the rest of the herd.  
Lisa nodded and watched them. The buckskin raised its head and stared at them for a moment before continuing to graze again.  
"Many people think that the horse gives you attention only when it's close to you. When it sniffs your hand or when you can touch it. What most people don't know is that horses already notice your presence from quite a distance. It's their survival instinct. They need to figure out if you are a friend or an enemy. That's why they are so good at reading our feelings and thoughts. When your mind is loaded with so much negativity and heavy thoughts, when you can't find yourself in the present moment but keep dwelling in the past or the future then horses feel that but it's something they don't understand and it frightens them, means they stay away from you."  
"What about those two then?"  
"Well", Amy smiled again "I guess you made some progress in your way of thinking. Buddy and Chuck are two really curious boys. They are always the first one to come when there is something new and they are always the ones that make the first move when they feel safe."  
Lisa thought about what Amy just said and had to admit that all of that was new to her. She had been working with horses her whole life but never payed attention to all the subtle language they were using. It so simple yet so hard to see or understand for most humans. Lisa hadn't noticed the difference in distance between the two geldings and the rest of the horses. In her opinion they all are standing far away from her, avoiding her. But now that Amy mentioned it, some progress had been made indeed. Lisa just wasn't so sure if it was because of her.  
"It means that you have a lot to deal with currently, Lisa.", Amy went on explaining.  
"Yeah, you can say that..."  
"But it also means that sitting here helps you to overcome all those things. The horses are perfect messengers of what is going on inside of us. They are our reflections. Buddy and Chuck wouldn't have come closer if you wouldn't have come to some conclusion and peace."  
Again she was right. Lisa did came to a conclusion about something that had been laying on her shoulders for a long time and she did feel at peace to some extend, knowing that the conclusion was the right decision to make.  
Still, the big black horse that she was here for hadn't come closer at all. He still stood among the herd, hardly visible as the view at him was blocked by a few other horses.  
"What about Chandelier Glow? "  
"Don't give him too much attention yet. He orientates himself more by the others and doesn't come to you that easily."  
"He came to you last time I was here."  
"Yeah, because he knows I am the carrot provider." Amy winked and both women started to laugh while they were looking at the beautiful late afternoon scenery.  
It felt so good to laugh. To feel serenity running through her body and floating through her veins. She used to laugh so often. Where have all those happy times gone?  
"What's so funny?", another voice appeared from behind and they turned their heads to see Jack walking through the gate and closing it behind him before coming closer. He came to a halt next to his wife and took her hand, smiling encouragingly but with a skeptical expression in his eyes he looked across the field. Lisa didn't miss it. She knew that he wasn't satisfied with the outcome of her first session.  
"Hey.", she squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. Yeah, the progress wasn't visible at first sight but after Amy's explanation Lisa understood that they were going only little steps and with that she felt the pressure on her disappearing. This approach wasn't like those physical therapy session where everyone expected her to work miracles, stand up and walk. Here she was given time and to do it on her on pace. If she wanted Chandelier Glow's help, she needed to lose her anxiety first. Part of it already disappeared today. Maybe next time it would feel more comfortable for her if one of the horses decided to come over.  
"Let's call it a day, yeah? It's getting late and you have been sitting here for hours.", Jack ripped her from her thought and sounded worried. Lisa nodded and with his help pushing the wheelchair they made they way back to the house.

"Amy, you can't let her sit out there day after day. It is too cold for that!", Jack's voice rose as he was standing in the barn actually doing his night check on the horses but right now he was having an argument with his granddaughter who was about to turn in for the night. Lyndy was sitting on one of the hay bales, playing with a brush.  
Maybe Lisa's situation was something Amy could not fix with her alternative approaches. Maybe this was too big for her. Lisa needed help. Professional and medical help, not some sentimental and meditative therapy that made her sit in the paddock, waiting for hours for a horse to come. This was not working. They haven't made any progress today.  
"I need you to trust me, grandpa!"  
"I do and I have been patient like you told me but I simply see no outcome here. Those damn horses are still somewhere in the back than anywhere near her." He had really hoped that Chandelier Glow would somehow teach Lisa how to walk, that she could grab onto him or something and finally get off that wheelchair. But to waste her time by sitting in the cold – this wasn't how Jack had imagined things to look like.  
"There is a lot happening. You just don't see it.", the young woman started to sound annoyed now.  
"I don't see it because there is nothing to see!"  
Amy sighed. Her grandfather was determined to quit their work and drag Lisa back to see a physiotherapist.  
"Well, maybe you should ask her what she wants."  
"I don't have to ask her, Amy. I know that she rather wants to carry on with whatever you are doing than going back to the therapy. "  
"Then maybe you should respect that.", Amy said and her voice was sharp – a clear sign that this discussion was over and that she had given him enough to think about now. She turned, picked up her daughter and went up the stairs into the loft.  
Jack was dumbstruck. He did respect his wife, didn't he? He wasn't trying to control her, was he? Maybe he was tightening his reins too much again. Again he started to put too much pressure on her. She needed her freedom, he had to respect that and let her make her own decisions.  
It was just hard. It was hard to not be able to help more. He wanted to take all the pain, all the worries and burdens off her but didn't know how to.


	13. Chapter 13

(So, took me some time to write this chapter and I wasn't satisfied with it at all but after rereading and rereading it, I think it is alright. And I don't want to let you wait any longer, so here it is.)

Chapter 13

It was one of those day when no one was at Heartland and Lisa got some time to spend by herself. She liked the quietness in the house but couldn't help to feel a bit lonely. Usually Jack was still around when everybody else left and shared the comfortable silence with her. Sometimes they would just sit on the couch for hours, not saying anything but enjoying the presence, the soft touches and atmosphere of the other. Those always were special moments for the two of them which didn't occur very often since the house was seldom deserted like today.  
Today was Georgie's big day. She had trained hard during the last months to start at the fall finale. Although Lisa started to remember only parts about the rest of the family, she really liked the girl. She was hard-working and always responsible-minded. Additionally to that a really tough girl that often reminded Lisa at herself when she was about the same age. Really competitive but at the same time fair and always honest which often ended up in a mess with certain people that thought giving you a hard time was what you deserved. Lisa saw her reflection in Georgie when she, like so many times, sat at the dinner table complaining about girls named Olivia or Paiden that were trying to knock her out even before the competition started. Besides all this trouble Lisa admired her strength to go her own way. She didn't depend on anyone and was cautious in trusting others. Lisa knew the situation Georgie was in all too well. She had been there many times in her life but always managed to stay on her path, the goal visible before her eyes. And yeah, at the end she made it, she became successful after decades of working hard and fighting against people like those two rivals Georgie was dealing with. Maybe today was the day for the girl to see the outcome of all her hard work. It was too bad that Lisa couldn't be there to see it, but all those people in the arena and all the turmoil was still too overwhelming for her, so she decided to stay home.  
Everybody else had left for the event, even Jack went with them but promised to be back soon. He clearly hated to leave her alone for long and was absolutely not delighted about her wish to carry on with the therapy in the paddock alone. For over a week now every day was spend there, so Lisa really didn't want to make an exception today.  
Right now she was sitting in her wheelchair on the usual spot of the horse paddock behind the barn, layers of layers of quilts wrapped around her body to keep her warm. Jack only gave in to bring her down here, when she took all those blankets with her. After all the first snow had fallen over the last couple nights and the sun stood really low during the days.  
Her hand reached out to the horse that stood in front of her and gently stroked its soft nostrils. The hair tickled funnily under the tips of her fingers.  
"Hey Buddy.", Lisa smiled and started to pet his forehead when he leaned against her palm, demanding more attention. He was a really sweet and gentle horse and had been the first one that finally came to her a few days ago, even though the rest of the herd still wasn't within reach. Chandelier Glow wasn't giving her any attention whatsoever and Lisa doubted that the gelding ever would. He simply wasn't interested in giving her a chance to come back together. He probably remembered the time before the accident all too well. After all she really misunderstood his needs and kept him in a stable most of the time. He had all the right to ignore her although Lisa wished she could explain him that she was sorry. Yet, somehow her husband's horse was more than willing to give her a chance to feel more comfortable around horses again. His painted friend stood close behind him. Chuck was a bit more reserved but still curious.  
Buddy was rubbing his head on her knee now and she felt every movement against her skin. The feeling in her legs had improved a lot during the last days which still were a bit numb but all in all sensitive to most of the things that were touching her.  
Buddy still stood in front of her with a lowered head and Lisa felt as if he was trying to invite her to go for the next step.  
What if...what if she just tried? What could possibly go wrong if she just held on to him and try to stand up? Just a tiny bit. She had done it before. Not with a horse that is but Jack would help her up every now and then. It should be easy.  
Cautiously Lisa lay an arm around Buddy's neck and waited until he started to rise his head again.  
"Easy Buddy, easy.", she almost whispered and bit by bit he lifted her up from the wheelchair until she stood on two very shaky legs. She could feel her weight on them which was still hard to hold since there were absolutely no strengths in her muscles. It was a completely different effort this time compared to the times Jack would hold her. Buddy wasn't holding her up, he was just supporting her while she had to stand all by herself. But with holding on to his neck, Lisa was able to almost stand upright, a big wide grin starting to play around her face as she realized what she had achieved.  
"Good boy", Lisa laughed, proud and amazed about their great teamwork. "Good boy, Buddy!"  
An unexpected noise suddenly appeared from behind and Buddy immediately jumped forward and ran a few meters before he realized that Lisa had slipped off his neck and fallen hard to the ground. He turned around, stood there like frozen and snorted loudly through his nostrils.  
"Lisa!", someone yelled and she only heard the gate opening and steps that were hurrying towards her. The shock of being hurled to the ground so suddenly had gripped her to the marrow. For a moment she just needed to catch her breath before turning around and facing someone she didn't expect at all.  
"Dan? What are you doing here?", she moaned and rubbed her arm. This really has gone wrong...  
"Well, what are you doing?", he replied, grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up into the wheelchair. With a few quick moves he brushed the dirt off her clothes.  
"You shouldn't be with the horses alone. Where is that husband of yours?" he asked and it didn't sound like question but rather like an accusation of Jack's inability to take care of his feeble wife. Lisa opened her mouth to say something but was already swung around when Dan took a hold of the wheelchair and pushed her back to the barn. The noise of the closing barn door behind them indicated that it was the reason why Buddy jumped away startled by the creaking noise.  
It was dim inside the barn. All the doors were closed to keep the coldness outside as much as possible.  
Lisa swung around, confronting her ex-husband promptly. He wouldn't have come by without a reason.  
"Dan. Why are you here?"  
"I must say that I was a bit surprised this morning, so I thought I come around and find out what's going on."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"You took Fairfield off the market. I thought we had a deal."  
"We don't Dan and we never had. We were considering things, that's all."  
"Sounded pretty serious to me.  
So, who is the one then?"  
"What?"  
"Whom did you sell it then?"  
"No one. I am not selling. Neither to you nor to anybody else."  
For a moment he just looked at her and she felt more than uncomfortable with his gazing eyes.  
"Well, that's going to be a funny story. How do you think this is gonna work? You running the place like that.", he said with a derisive voice and pointed at her legs.  
Anger was rising within her and she really had to hold back her temper right now. It wasn't worth to waste her energy on him. She had done this for most of her life.  
"Besides, shouldn't you have talked about that decision with me first? You are not the only one having a saying on that business, remember?"  
"It's still my place, Dan."  
"That is run by two people. You and me. And let's admit my participation in it is a bit higher than yours these days."  
"Excuse me?", she didn't believe her ears. Was he blaming her for the situation that strapped her onto this damn chair?  
"Okay Lisa, listen. I have done enough for Fairfield during the last months. Either you reconsider selling me your part or you buy me out. I won't stick around 'cause you and me, we are obviously not working. We sure had our time but this is long ago."  
"I-", Lisa started, the words stuck in her throat. Buying him out? Since when was he on the same level of position? Wasn't she the one that owned Fairfield Stables? Wasn't she the head of the operation, the one that had the right and power to decide and do what was best for it? Jack or Lou have never mentioned that Dan Hartfield's position was equal with hers. He was in a partnership, a partnership Lisa planned to quit as soon as she was standing back on her feet again. But now, the page turned. She had no idea what to make of it and all of a sudden felt trapped and almost knocked out by her very own rival. A rival she had been fighting with for so many years.  
"Well, of course you can't make a decision now. Think about it. And – maybe you shouldn't try to handle this crazy horse out there on your own. Perhaps I should have a serious talk with Jack. Leaving you alone down here...", he kept mumbling while shaking his head and left through the barn door. Lisa stared after him, lost for words. Her breathing was flat and quick, caused by the anger that was boiling inside of her. Everything she had planned, all the good feeling she had with her final decision about Fairfield suddenly vanished into thin air, blown away by her ex-husband's tactless remarks and the cruel truth. She felt so powerless, so deprived and empty-handed. There was no way to buy Dan out of his position and out of Fairfield. Lisa had no money and although Fairfield was thriving again, it was all Dan's work. He would make sure to include his efforts of the last months in the prize to buy him out. There was absolutely no chance, Lisa would find a way around it unless selling to him and letting Fairfield go for sure. Maybe it was doomed. Maybe her time at Fairfield was over, no matter how hard she tried to keep it.  
The wish to get that place out of vher life had been so desperate first, now Lisa was frightened to lose it. She did have a plan. A plan that felt good and right, like something that was giving her strength to go through all the current endeavors. A reason for her to keep going with the therapy, with the efforts to walk again.  
But now?  
With all that Dan said and told her, Lisa felt the darkness creeping back in. Everyone was gone, everything was slipping through her fingers. She was alone. In an empty and cold barn and not having the chance to return to the house by herself.

The minutes went by.  
The silence was deafening now.  
The loneliness in the barn unbearable.  
Lisa had made her way into the office, closed the door and put the little heater on. There she sat now, waiting for Jack to come home, thinking about all the things that had gone wrong. The life she lived was totally messed up and she somehow wasn't able to put things back into place. Maybe she really should reconsider selling to Dan. Giving Fairfield away was at least solving one problem. Lisa didn't know how much longer she could go on like this. Struggling and fighting. She wasn't the young woman she used to be. Not like Georgie who still had the whole journey in front of her. Lisa had gone through it more than once and couldn't do it another time. Quitting here was probably the healthiest and smartest solution.  
"Lisa? Are you here? ", his voice sounded muffled through the closed door.  
"Where are you?"  
"Here. I am here.", she called him and quickly swung around, rolling towards the door, when it opened and Jack stepped through.  
"Hey, are you alright?", he started but understood that something was wrong.  
Lisa came to a halt right in front of him, pulled him closer by the waist and buried her face in his belly, relieved that he was finally back. Gosh she was so glad he was home.  
"Lisa, what-?"  
But she only pulled him a bit closer, telling him that she needed a moment to collect herself. The tears were threatening to fall but she tried hard to hold them back.  
His hands came to a rest on her shoulders and gently pushed her back, so he could have a look at her with an alarmed expression.  
"What happened?"  
"Can we please go back inside?"  
"Lisa, what is going on? Is it because of Dan? I think I saw his truck up at the main road."  
"I'll tell you, but please let's go inside first."

Luckily it was still empty and quiet in the house. The others hadn't returned yet and so Jack and Lisa would have the opportunity to talk. He was curious what Dan had wanted. It drove him mad to know that this jerk had been on his property when he was not. Why couldn't he call before dropping by? This way Jack would at least have had the chance to be here and kick his pitiful ass back the way he came.  
He really shouldn't have gone to the competition today. Georgie would have understood that he needed to stay home. But it was too late now. He had missed Dan's uninvited visit and now was eager to find out what happened in the barn.  
When Jack came into the living room with the two cups in his hands, Lisa was already waiting on the sofa. Her upright and tense body posture was proof enough that she needed to tell him something urgently. Jack rounded the furniture and handed over the tea before sitting down next to her, not missing out that the drawer of the little side table was open and Lisa was holding on to a white envelop that somehow gave him a strange feeling.  
Her eyes were never leaving him when he took a sip and waited for her to find a start. Lisa put the mug onto the table and held the letter towards him.  
"What's that?" he asked suspicious and the awkward feeling in his gut rose.  
"Open it."  
Now that the letter lay in his hand, Jack noticed the familiar handwriting of his wife on the white surface that sent a cold shiver down his spine. _Last will_.  
He looked up. "Lis-"  
How was it even possible to get back to that letter so soon? Why was he looking at her testament again? Last time he did, he swore for good that it was the very last time that he was ever going to see those papers again. And now, she was asking him to open it.  
"Please open it and have a look at my wish concerning Fairfield."  
The furrow on his forehead deepened and Jack did what she asked him. With almost trembling fingers, he flicked through the pages while going through a strong feeling of déjà vu.  
The said page lay in front of him now and he didn't even dare to read the words yet another time but there was something different. The empty line about who is going to take on Fairfield Stables was now labeled with a familiar name that was written carefully with the lines of a pencil.  
 _Georgina Crawley Fleming-Morris_ it said and Jack forgot to breath for a short moment. He had to read the name twice before looking up, his eyes wide by surprise and disbelief.  
"You can't possibly be serious!"  
Was she? Was she serious? Georgie? She was just a teenage girl who had many other things on mind than running a highly esteemed equine business. Besides that she had absolutely no knowledge about business administration and how to handle the kind of money Fairfield was dealing with.  
Jack was about to oppose something, when she held up a hand to stop him.  
"Please hear me out, okay? I have been thinking this through for quite some time now and I know you don't like my decision to sell Fairfield and I know you want me to go back there. I know Jack and I appreciate everything you've put yourself through to keep the lights on there. For me. But you need to understand that I can't go back. Not the way I used to and I don't primarily mean because I'm sitting in a wheelchair. I'm mean that I understood the message behind everything that happened. I went too far. I lost my love for life itself. I struggled to keep Fairfield. But instead of improving it just got worse from day to day and I fought more and more, meanwhile losing the life that I loved. The accident was the final hint to make me understand that I didn't have the power to save what I was fighting for so hard. Not without sacrificing everything that is dear to me. What I have here, with you. That's why I put Fairfield on the market. To get rid of it. And to get my life back.  
But I also care about that business and after all what you guys have done for it, I don't have the heart to sell it. So, I thought it would be nice if it stays with the family. Since Georgie is doing so great these days and she is facing graduation in a couple years I thought that she might be the right one to take on Fairfield Stables - when she's ready for it of course. She doesn't have to run it as a breeding and racing operation, she can do with it whatever she wants but I would be more than happy to teach her everything she needs to know and to be her mentor on that journey.  
I know you don't like this idea either, but-", she stopped here, not knowing how to go on and explain her thoughts, feelings and concerns. Jack didn't look convinced at all which brought up a new wave of worry.  
"I don't know what to say.", he indeed didn't know if it was a good idea or not. It was kind of her thinking this way and he was very touched by everything she said, but nevertheless Georgie was too young to make a decision like that.  
"Well, all of this doesn't matter anymore anyway."  
"What do you mean?"  
Lisa sighed.  
"As you already figured, Dan was here. Apparently that partnership authorizes him to have a saying on everything. Even regarding my choice about Fairfield's future. He either wants to buy my part of the business or I have to buy him out.", she had to stop there for a second to let the anger inside her pass by. "Since I don't have that kind of money it's obvious that I don't have another choice than to sell to him."  
Everything was so confusing these days and it sure felt as if she had no control whatsoever.  
"I don't know Jack. Sometimes I wonder when all of this is gonna end. Why is there one negative thing following the other? I just want this nightmare to stop."  
"Hey," and he placed a hand on her leg. "Not all things have been bad lately.", he tried to cheer her up and squeezed her thigh. The pressure of his hand was so perceptible through the fabric of her jeans which put a little smile on her lips and she placed her hand on his. "Yeah."  
"Come here."  
Without any complaints she let herself be pulled into his arms and rested her head on his shoulder.  
"I think it is a really thoughtful idea of you passing on Fairfield to Georgie and if it's that what you want, we will find a way. But you really should talk to Georgie, Lou and Peter first. It could be just a tiny bit overwhelming for them.", he joked.  
"Probably."  
"And Dan ….I really can't remember anything in the contract that said he would have as much saying in the business as you have. His position is only temporary and it is your decision when to kick him out. But let's have a look at the contract later and we will talk with Lou about it, alright?"  
Lisa nodded, remembering why she had missed him so much earlier today. He always had the ability to calm her down by looking at the things more objectively. He always made her world a better place. The darkness that came washing over her after Dan's visit, finally lighted up again and back was the hope and confidence.  
If Lisa had learn one thing in the last year it definitely was to stay strong.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The driveway looked different. The trees and bushes stood sparsely on either side of the path. Winter came rolling in early this year and the snow that had fallen over the last week had already put a thin white blanket on the landscape.  
The paddocks were empty. All the horses were brought in. Definitely something Lisa would not have wanted. She never put all the horses in for the winter but Dan held the belief that it was way to dangerous for them to walk on the frozen and slippery ground.  
Jack slowed down near the stable and parked his truck next to it, wondering if anyone was even here. The place looked desolated. With a quick look at the clock that told him that is was shortly after midday, Jack got off his truck and walked towards the main building, hoping to meet Dan there.  
They needed to have a talk.  
About something Jack didn't see eye to eye with him.  
The usual problem between the two men.  
Lisa had been dejected since Dan''s visit and Jack really didn't like that she kept breaking down so easily.  
It was obvious that the depression was still there, it still lingered in her, waiting to break out any moment and Jack was afraid of it. He really didn't like that beast that was eating it's way through everything so quickly. Jack always saw the good things in life and saw the good in the little things that surrounded him, but with this depression in his home it was hard to withstand its undertow. Like Lisa, he wanted this nightmare to stop.  
If passing on Fairfield to a young girl was the right idea, Jack didn't know. It still caused him a headache. He understood his wife's reasons but wasn't convinced that this decision would solve any problems. New problems would evolve and he wasn't quite sure if Georgie was able to deal with them in her age. On the other hand selling Fairfield to Dan Harfield wasn't what he wanted either. There had to be another solution. If Lisa could just go back to it like she used to. But she made clear that this was out of the question. The last year had taken a toll on her. He remembered all those days she came home, crestfallen, exhausted and tired. It was hard to cheer her up at all. She would always turn in early and fall asleep right away only to get up to another day of worries and struggle. Jack really couldn't blame her for the decision to not returning to Fairfield.  
The door to the main building suddenly opened and out came Dan Hartfield and Jack's expression darkened as he remembered why he was here. Dan held a pile of folders under his right arm and a phone in his left hand, busy typing something into it. When his eyes went up he saw the cowboy approaching him.  
"Ah, Jack! Good that you came by. We need to talk about something."  
"Yes we do.", Jack agreed and stopped in front of him, holding back the urge to grab the man by the collar and push him back against the house front.  
"Oh? Good. Listen I-"  
"No, you listen!", he interrupted the man immediately, this time not giving him the privilege to put himself above others. "You'd better take your filthy hands off what's Lisa's business or you will leave this place without a single penny!"  
"Woah, calm down Jack.", Dan was surprised by the sudden harsh tone in Jack's voice.  
"You don't tell me what to do and most of all you won't win this game you are trying to play. We are not stupid, Dan. We know how to read a contract and we all know that your position here at Fairfield doesn't give you the right to make decisions that are Lisa's! Despite her complicated situation, I still made sure that she stays the head of Fairfield Stable and you knew that when you signed the papers. You can be really lucky if she doesn't let you leave this place empty-handed!"  
Dan snorted, not taking Jack seriously.  
"So you mean she actually considers to buy me out?"  
"She won't buy you out. I am sure she would have cut you some slack for the efforts you've made but you definitely won't get it all. And that's your problem, Dan. You always want it all. You can never get enough, can you?"  
"She is done with Fairfield, Jack. She doesn't want to come back. So, who is gonna do it then? You?", and he started laughing snidely. "This didn't work out well last time you tried."  
"No. Not me, Dan. And certainly you won't either."  
"Then what's her plan, when she neither wants to sell nor leave it with you?"  
"This is none of you business.", Jack mumbled and again he cringed when the thought about Georgie taking over Lisa's business crossed his mind.  
"Well, must be really great plans since it's so top-secret."  
"It's-", Jack was really confused right now. It weren't great plans. It gave him a lot to worry and he was afraid of the day they would talk to Georgie, Lou and Peter about it. Georgie would probably do a great job running her own business but Jack wasn't sure if the size of Fairfield was what the girl imagined to own one day. It was simply too big, too loaded. Besides, he wanted her to enjoy life before stepping into the world of business and economy. She was young, she needed to gain more life experiences.  
"Seems like you don't like that plan very much either, eh?", Dan said, reading the doubts from Jack's face. It was obvious that he looked quite unsettled.  
"Maybe you should listen more to your gut feeling than your wife. She is not always right about everything."  
He really hated when Dan was speaking out loud what's going on inside of him and giving him these kind of advises and it was best to leave before the guy would go on with it.  
"I gotta go now. And you better hold your horses otherwise your time here will be over sooner than you think."  
He rose is hands in defense "Alright, alright. But think about what I just said."  
With a frown Jack turned. The dissatisfaction was written all over his face. He didn't need to think about it. Dan was right. He didn't approve of Lisa's plan very much. Fairfield's future didn't belong with the Heartland family. It was just not right.

"Grandpa! Come here! You have to see this!", Amy called him from somewhere inside the barn. He only could see her silhouette waving at him before she vanished in the darkness at the end of the building. Jack put his hat on and walked over. On his way through the alley he remembered that Lisa and Amy had been working with the horses again while he took the time to drop by Fairfield. His steps quickened up. Amy sounded excited and he really hoped something good was awaiting him this time on the other side of the barn. He could really use some good news now.  
Spartan and Phoenix were tied up inside, both of them carrying a saddle on their backs. The girls were about to go out for a ride but right now were in the back field. Jack came to a halt next to his granddaughter, the picture in front of him appearing almost like in one of his many dreams.  
The wheelchair stood abandoned somewhere by the gate, the herd of horses stood in the middle of the field, except for Chuck and Buddy. He knew that the two geldings had been with Lisa for the last days and it made him proud that he owned a horse that was not just trustworthy during the work around the cattle and the ranch duties but that it was also the one that seemed to have a connection to his wife, helping her regaining trust not only in the animals but also in herself. That horse really was one of a kind.  
Georgie was slowly leading Buddy by the halter, while Lisa was holding on to his neck. She was standing on both of her feet, concentrating very hard on her legs that did one small step after the other. Slowly, shakily and with great effort but she was walking. The bright smile on her lips and the light glimmer in her eyes when she looked up at him when she noticed that he was back – Jack couldn't remember the last time he had seen something so beautiful. She was beautiful and it had been such a long time since he had seen her that happy. Witnessing this special moment brought tears of joy to his eyes. He realized now how much he had missed that. Missed her being the optimistic, joyful and life-loving person she used to be. The one that held so much strength to get through everything. And despite the depression had almost taken her down, here she was, back in her pride and joy. The woman he married, the one he promised to be there in good and in bad times and after all those downfalls it kind of felt as if the nightmare finally came to an end. Maybe they did it. Maybe they've made it through eventually. Maybe the nightmare is over.  
Seeing her standing and walking was such a great relief he never wanted to lose again.  
"So what do you think?", Amy asked smiling, satisfied with the result of the last weeks.  
"I think, this is the best thing I have seen for a very very long time.", he said emotionally and pulled her against his side, still absorbing the picture in front of him and realizing that it were those kind of good news he desperately needed. Not only today but for the whole last year.


	15. Chapter 15

(I know, it's a shorter chapter, but I try to get back more quality in what I am writing instead of writing a lot. Hope you don't mind.)

Chapter 15

"Are you sure you are not getting too cold?"  
"Yes Jack. I am sure. Now stop worrying."  
The snow had fallen immensely over the last night and had put a thick white blanket across the landscape. By the rise of the sun Lisa was more than excited to get out of the house and have a walk to the frozen pond down by the field. Yes, a walk and it wasn't just Jack who had been surprised by this idea while sitting over his morning coffee at the kitchen table. Lou and Amy had been around as well and had looked auspiciously at the two of them. Jack had been up and outside early this morning to do his duties and help Amy feeding the horses. During winter the work was a bit difficult and everyone depended on the help of the other. He knew that despite the low sun it was still cold outside and that walking through the snow wouldn't be so easy like Lisa might imagine. Bringing the wheelchair outside had been difficult for a few days now and since the massive layer of snow was laying on the ground it was just impossible to move the wheels of the chair. So after making sure they both were dressed warm enough, he had carried her out the house and across the yard to the edge of the field where she kindly asked him to let her down. It had been only this week that she first started walking again but practiced every day so far. It were only small steps and short distances of five to ten meters but Jack admired her endurance and power of volition. Every step she was making seemed to add more to her strength, not only physically but also mentally.  
It was good to hear her light laughter filling the house more often again. It had been by far too quiet since the accident happened at the race track and having her bring back life into his home was exactly the thing he had missed during the last months and once it was back, it was hard to ever let it go again.  
They had made their way through the deep snow down to the pond and to the little wooden bench that Jack put there many years back and was now as well covered in snow. Lisa was walking valiantly but still had to cling to Jack's arm who held her with much care.  
"Let's sit down for a minute.", she said a bit breathless and Jack could tell that the walk through the snow was hard for her still weak muscles.  
Once there he brushed off the seating surface, turned and helped her to sit down before taking a close seat next to her. Their arms and hands stayed entangled as they looked silently across the pond to the other side of the field. This time of the year all the horses have been moved to the paddocks behind the barn since they were closer to the ranch and made the work a bit easier. The snow on the ground glittered in the light of the sun and mingled with the vapor of their breaths before their eyes.  
The withered stalks of reed danced in the cold winter breeze and filled the silence with a soft rustling, but other than that it was absolutely quiet, letting the place appear magical and peaceful.  
About fifteen minutes had passed by when Jack felt that it was the right time to address a topic he had been carrying around for a few days. A topic that didn't leave him alone, that was working in his mind day and night.  
"Lisa, we need to talk about what is going to happen with Fairfield. About Georgie … she... I...", he started but very quickly came to a point where it got hard to explain.  
"Oh Jack, don't think I haven't figured that you don't like the idea of Georgie taking on Fairfield. I know."  
Jack turned his head while her eyes were still set on something across the pond. He was a bit surprised that she had seen through him all along.  
"I've been waiting until you would say something.", Lisa admitted and gently squeezed his fingers.  
"I ...I really don't want to make you feel bad about it or push you to something you don't want to do. It's just..."  
When he broke off in mid sentence, she turned towards him, shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.  
"You are not. It's fine. It was only an idea which I haven't really decided yet. We can talk about it."  
Hearing her admitting this, immediately took all the worries from him and he was able to breath more freely again. He pulled her closer to his side.  
"I am so glad you are saying this." he spoke against her hair, more than relieved by her calm reaction. He should really start to trust her more again, especially concerning their different opinions on certain things. Part of him was still afraid it all would end up in an argument again. They had been there a lot over the years, yet at the end always found a compromise. After the accident and the depression, Jack was just afraid that arguing would set her back quickly. But she was fine. She could deal with it.  
"So what do you suggest?"  
Jack sighed deeply, knowing that this topic would probably trigger off sensitive reactions.  
"You have no idea how much I am enjoying having you back here on Heartland full time and I don't want to miss that ever again."  
They looked at each other for a moment and he stroked a strand of hair that the cold wind had loosened back behind her ear. She smiled up at him, leaning her face slightly against his palm.  
"Neither do I."  
Her voice was so soft, he almost missed it.  
"That's why I wanted to sell Fairfield. I just want to be here, with you."  
"I understand Lisa, but Fairfield needs you, too. The people there need you. You have always done a great job running your business, even through the tough times."  
She turned her head now and looked across the silver surface of the frozen water. Jack watched her trying to sort the things that were on her mind.  
"That's the thing. It takes so much effort and time. I have done it for so many years and after that accident...leaving Fairfield feels like the only right thing to do."  
"You always said that you couldn't stand to be the one in your family to lose it."  
"I think I already have, Jack. It doesn't feel as if it is still part of me. It's more a burden to me these day. And I am trying to get rid of it."  
Again Jack sighed, this time because he didn't know what he had to say to change her mind. She seemed so convinced in her own opinion which was totally comprehensible but at the same time Jack didn't want more change in their lives than there already was.  
"How about … how about we drive there tomorrow-"  
"Jack.", she shook her head "Please, don't."  
"You haven't been there since the accident. How do you want to know what if feels like, when you haven't been there in such a long time?"  
Lisa remained silent. She knew he was right. The wish to leave Fairfield was more based on a presumed feeling than reality. It was even hard to remember what the place looked like, what people were working for her. All of this seemed so far away, hard to reach and difficult to stand up for.  
"Let's just go there and see how you feel once you are there, alright?  
Give it a chance."  
The familiar look on her face told him that she was giving in now and he was glad to be able to maker her reconsider things. It wasn't always easy but at least she kept an open mind.  
"I thought you weren't pushing me into something I don't want to do.", she said with a faint joking tone in her voice that she empathized with a little nudge against his rips, agreeing silently to his suggestion.  
"There is nothing to lose, only to win."


	16. Chapter 16

(I'm not sure how many more chapters I am going to write. I feel like this story needs to come to an end soon. Let's see. Enjoy this one.)

Chapter 16

She was absolutely calm.  
On the outside.  
But inside of her the emotions were spinning in circles. Worry, anxiety, excitement, uncertainty, doubts.  
It made her dizzy.  
The winter landscape passed her side of the car in a rushing pace and added to the dizziness in her head.  
'It's gonna be okay.' Lisa tried to persuade herself that going to Fairfield was good and right although she had no idea what would await her there. There was a house, stables, paddocks, horses- that's pretty much all she remembered how the place looked like but other than that there was emptiness in her head. Even the scenery along the roads that she had taken for so many years in her life was quite unfamiliar, beautiful in the white snow though, but unfamiliar. It was like driving to Fairfield for the very first time and gazing at the landscape felt as if she had never seen it before.  
Quiet music filled the inside of Jack's truck and a thousand tiny white fluffy balls were hitting against the windscreen as they were making their way through that fast moving tunnel of flakes. The sun hadn't been showing itself today as it was still hidden behind a thick layer of clouds that poured more and more snow onto the ground. Nevertheless the streets were clear and so Jack went straight towards Fairfield Stables.  
The drive passed quietly. Neither of them found the words or chance to say something although they were alone in the truck and sitting right next to each other. Lisa was too busy dealing with the things going on in her head while Jack was not sure what to tell her. She hadn't been saying much since this morning.

Her reservation stayed the same once they were surrounded by a crowd of excited Fairfield employees. A lot of talking and laughter filled the hall while they were standing in one of the stables and Lisa sat on her usual spot in her wheelchair. Almost everyone was there, except for Dan who luckily was working at his own place today. Jack was glad about his absence at the one hand but on the other it meant that Fairfield's staff took the opportunity to complain and whine about his harsh tone, manner and methods. Especially since Lisa seemed to consider to come back and follow her own footsteps that she had left behind. At least that's what they thought, that's what Jack hoped but by looking at her at this very moment, he wasn't so sure if she was okay with this. A smile was displayed on her face and she tried to answer questions and match the happiness of her employees. Still, Jack sensed that she kept most of her emotions to herself which unsettled him. He wasn't sure what was going on inside of her head. Should he stop this encounter right here? Should he take her out of here? Was she too overwhelmed by everything and everyone? Had it been a good idea to come here?  
Jack placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it supportively, assuring her quietly that he was here and that they could leave any moment if she wished. But they stayed a bit longer until the excitement faded off a bit and most of the people left to return to their work. Only a small group of those that had always been close to Lisa stayed around.  
"So, can we expect you back, Lisa?", Judy McFanny asked with a hopeful expression. "I mean Fairfield isn't the same without you."  
"Well, I...I don't know yet. It probably takes some time before I can really walk again."  
"Of course, how do you do that anyway? Are you seeing a therapist?"  
"No, I – we-"  
"Amy is helping her." Jack took over quickly and gave Lisa a break.  
"Oh? How does this work?", Marc Donell asked from the right.  
"Well, you know Amy. Nothing is done without the horses.", Jack replied with a wink that reminded them about Amy's unique methods and approaches in her work.  
"Really!? Well, of course! That's how things are running on Heartland, I guess.", Judy laughed as she understood and seemed to be really happy for them.  
"Good for you Lisa. I hope it doesn't take that much longer. You are really missed here."  
"Thank you.", she said and smiled again.  
"Do you want to see this year's foals? I can show you around."  
"Sure." Lisa nodded, glad to escape further questions.  
For the next half an hour they were walking through the alley of the stable that held all the mares with their foals that were born around the time the accident happened. Usually it was Lisa's special and most favorite time of the year – foaling season. This year she missed it. She missed all the excitement, all the check-ups and registrations, all the time she spent closely with the horse-mothers and their foals, making sure they get what they needed and become strong and healthy. That kind of attention that would turn them into self-confident runners at the race track one day.  
"All in all we had 15 newborns this year, eight fillies and seven colts. One dead birth, unfortunately. Dakota Valley, if you remember, the bay over there. It was her first born and she is still pretty young.", Judy explained and went on talking while they were making their way along each stable. The horses shooed away by the sight of the wheelchair which they had never seen before. Lisa didn't say a single word during the whole tour and when they stopped at the end of the hall Jack decided that they were done for today. Judy was already eyeing him worriedly from the side and he didn't want any more awkwardness.  
It was time to go home.  
They came to a halt in front of the last stable that held a gray horse and a black little colt when Jack took Judy's arm to pull her to the side.  
"I think she is pretty tired now. It's been a lot those last months, you know.", he told her quietly.  
"Yes, I understand. Thanks for bringing her Jack. It's been really nice."  
"Sure.", he winked and smiled, however a bit unsatisfied about the outcome of today's trip that he had counted on so hopefully.  
They stepped back to Lisa who was still watching the mare standing behind the bars of her stable.  
"Alright, I gonna go Lisa, there is a lot to do. It was really great having you here again.", Judy said and made her look up.  
"Take care of yourself and come back soon."  
"I'll try. Thank you."  
Jack nodded at Judy and watched her leaving the stable. Meanwhile Lisa's attention was back at the horses around her.  
She looked into their eyes and knew – something wasn't right. Something bothered her. Their expression was different to the horses that lived on Heartland. Tense, a bit scared and introverted.  
"Are you ready to go?", Jack ripped her from those thoughts.  
"What? - yeah.", with a last glance at Dakota Valley, the young mother that had lost her foal, she turned around and followed Jack down the alley and out the stable. Her head even more loaded than before the visit.

It was dark in their bedroom and only the digital numbers of the clock on the bedside table told Jack that it was 10:50 pm, almost an hour after they turned in for the night.  
He couldn't sleep. Like so often he lay on his back staring through the darkness at the ceiling above him.  
Lisa hadn't talked much all day and it worried him. Even after returning from Fairfield she wasn't really talkative and open to explain what was going. It was hard to understand the effect the trip had on her. Jack was somewhat afraid that the visit had been a bad idea, that it set her back or confused her even more.  
If it supported her decision to not return to her business for work, then she could tell him.  
If she really wanted to sell it now, she could tell him.  
If she still considered to tutor Georgie in taking on Fairfield, yes she could tell him too.  
She should just talk to him, no matter what decision she made.  
Jack was just about to speak out her name, when he felt her shifting and falling against his side.  
"Lisa? What are you doing?"  
Suddenly her hand was underneath his shirt, moving slowly over his skin, along his waist and around his back up to his shoulders blades. The soft scratch of her nails were leaving a path of goosebumps behind. Meanwhile her lips have found their way into the crook of his neck, placing multiple kisses on it.  
"Can't sleep.", her voice sounded muffled against his skin.  
Well, that would make two of them then, Jack thought but remained still. They haven't crossed that line she was getting at for almost a year by now and her actions kind of caught him off guard.  
"Thank you for taking me to Fairfield.", she breathed and put another kiss on his jaw.  
"Are you sure? You have been very quiet today.", he responded and after overcoming the surprise about her insinuating attempt, he slipped his arm behind her to pull her body closer. At least it was the beginning of a conversation.  
She rested her head next to his and snuggled her face against his cheek.  
"I'm sorry."  
"You don't have to be, just tell me what is going on."  
Lisa sighed deeply and the exhaled air met the side of his face. Her hand came to a rest on his chest, still hidden under the fabric of his shirt.  
Jack waited. Patiently.  
Everything went fine at Fairfield. The staff was really surprised but incredibly happy by the unexpected visit. They were even holding it against Jack that he hadn't told them anything about it beforehand but to be honest Jack wanted to see their and his wife's real reaction. The staff didn't disappoint him, but Lisa's quietness wasn't easy to read.  
"It was weird to see that place again.", she started and he could hear her voice close to his ear. "I don't mean that in a negative way. It was just weird. The drive there I have been taking for the last ten years, the fields, the buildings, the horses. I remember parts of it but ..."  
"But what?"  
"I can hardly remember anyone there. They are all strangers to me, Jack."  
He felt his heart dropping into his gut. Sometimes he would forget about her lack of memory that did improve during the last months but was still not fully back yet. Whereas the things regarding the Heartland family was almost back in place since she spent her entire time here, the memories about Fairfield were of course only vague.  
So, obviously the last chance for her to get back into business was forfeited. She didn't have any connection factors there to start working again.  
"However," she went on and he listened up again. "It still felt good to be back."  
"It did?"  
"Yeah, Fairfield is my responsibility and life task. It has always been and it should stay that way. I heard and saw things there today that I didn't like. If Dan is running Fairfield alone any longer it will end up as one of these places that no ones likes to go to, neither human nor animal. I'm the one that needs to change it."  
"I am so glad to hear that! Why haven't you said anything?"  
"I guess I just needed time to process everything and figure out what to make of it because it will probably eat up a lot of time again and a big part of me still wants to keep that quiet life I have here."  
"It will always be here, Lisa, waiting for you to come home, every single day. But you do need something to work on. It is not healthy to stay here 24/7."  
"Almost sounds like you want me out of here.", she chuckled and he joined in before turning his head and pressing his lips against her temple.  
"Of course I don't. I would keep you in my pocket if I could."  
They shared another soft laughter.  
But I know you. You need your independence. It wasn't right to keep you here after the hospital. My selfishness almost destroyed our marriage. Now I want to save you from doing the same mistake."  
A little pause emerged between the two and he could almost hear her thinking about his confession and advice.  
"See, that's what I'm going to miss when I'm not here. You being right all the time."  
"Oh you can always call me when there is an highly important business decision to make. I'm your man.", Jack joked.  
"You certainly are.", she agreed in a murmuring tone and the next moment pulled herself on top of him, her chest pressed firmly against his, her face only inches away. Like an automatic mechanism his arms immediately moved around her hips and his palms stroked softly over her back. They looked at each other, taking their time to adjust to the emotions that were running hotly through their bodies. Blue eyes were the only thing shining in the dark as they were staring down at him, losing themselves in the grey of his. Their irregular breathing mingled in the gap between them before eventually finding the same rhythm and melted their bodies together. Her belly against his, his against hers. Jack's head began to spin by the arousal that was washing over him.  
"It's been such a long time." she whispered and the warmth of her breath tasted sweetly on his lips. His hand moved up into her hair when she leaned down at the same time to dearly press her lips onto his.  
"-loving you-.", she added, mumbling in between the kisses they shared and which became much more profoundly with every second that passed by.  
Jack couldn't deny it. It had been some time but he would have never pushed her to something she wasn't ready for. So it had been alright for him, as long as she was still here. Until she was okay with it herself. And she certainly was tonight.


	17. Chapter 17

(With a big delay but here is chapter 17. The next chapters probably won't come quickly. I will try my best but I don't promise anything here. There is just so much to do here and the next months will be pretty busy at work. sry! but hope you stick around anyway.)

Chapter 17

The realization that the nightmare seemed to finally be over, that they made it through and that life was going back to normal always hit him when he saw her walking through the house. Slowly still but the wheelchair was more and more replaced by crutches which Lisa usually used to walk outside. Inside however things were a bit easier since there was always something to hold on to or to sit down on. It was a great pleasure to have her back up and about which however also meant that she was more on the move.  
The times Jack watched her walking through their home became less with the days that passed by. Lisa resumed her work at Fairfield.  
Like he wanted her all this time.  
What he had been working on from the beginning. Saving Fairfield. Keeping it alive so she could go back there one day.  
The time had come and she was less home.  
Jack wasn't sure if he liked her absence much.  
It somehow bothered him more than he had thought it would.

Dan Hartfield was sitting across the desk opposite of her in Fairfield's office. The room and all the objects in it have gotten back into life in Lisa's memories. It took a few days to go through her personal and business belongings and to remember what her chores and duties were at Fairfield Stables. It was sill a process of adjusting to how things were running here but Lisa had probably the most supportive staff one could wish for and with their help she was able to step back into her position.  
A bit over a week had passed since her return and what had started out with a a couple hours a day quickly developed itself into a full time job that kept her at Fairfield Stable for most of the day. There were so many things to take care of and to fix, especially those things that had somewhat suffered under Dan's hands. Lisa knew that without his help during the last months she wouldn't even sit here right now and Fairfield would have never gotten through the crisis that almost took it down a half year back. However, her ex-husband had always followed his own kind of methods. He wasn't going easy on the people that worked for him and he wasn't handling the horses with much sensitivity. Lisa didn't like how things were running at her place currently and she didn't like to work so close with her ex husband. There were quite a few things that needed to be changed. One was Dan Hartfield's position here at Fairfield.  
As much as she wished to dismiss him, Lisa quickly came to the realization that she still relied on him for a few business matters that she wasn't able to take care of yet. The reason why she had asked him to meet her today.  
The tapping of his pen on the surface of the table irritated her a bit but Lisa kept her mind straight, not letting him interfere too much in it. After all those years this man still had the ability to get on her nerves. Hard to believe that she once loved him, or thought to love him. No, she really did but it was a different kind of love. A love that wasn't made to last for a lifetime. The fire between them was intense in the beginning but deceased quickly with the years. They were both independent and strong in their own ways which often didn't follow the same direction and led into the divorce at the end. It had been her decision and Lisa was glad she was brave enough to make that move and to be lucky enough to find real love – that kind of love that really last forever, that was strong enough to withstand everything.  
"So now that you are back, what is your plan Lisa?", Dan started and ripped her from her thoughts. The pen was now spinning between his fingers as he stared at her and waited for a plausible answer and reason for the meeting. The familiar lines on her face were still appealing to him and it would be a bad lie saying that he didn't regret losing her almost fifteen years ago. He knew that they both carried on with their lives after the divorce, he was over her but there were still those subtle feelings in his gut that rose the jealousy in him whenever he saw her with that old, iconic cowboy. A reason why he wasn't very fond of the idea to keep up his work here at Fairfield when she was back.  
"I am offering you a partnership.", she said a bit dryly and his eyebrows went up while the pen stopped still in his hand.  
"A partnership? What partnership? We already have one and I told you I am not really keen to stick around when you are planning to stay."  
"I am but thing is, I still can't do it alone."  
"Hear, hear, someone please write this down: Lisa Stillman needs me."  
The comment wasn't one of his best and her expression told him what she thought of it.  
"What is it you need my help with? _This time_.", he made sure to stress the last words and drop a hint on everything he had already done for Fairfield and her but Lisa didn't show any reaction towards it.  
"France."  
"France?"  
"Yeah."  
They looked at each other for a moment before she started to explain.  
"Fairfield has important business relationships to France, you know that, it's one of its most important sectors that keeps it going. Before the accident I tried to keep up the connections there but well the last months hadn't been quiet sufficient and I am somewhat concerned Fairfield is going to lose all of them. I know-"  
"Wait. Hold on a minute. Are you asking me to fix that too?"  
"I don't want you to fix anything Dan-", Lisa started but again he interrupted her, his voice a bit upset.  
"What do I get for it? What do I even get for saving your ass over here? You know that this place has only risen from its downfall because of me! Not because of that husband of yours."  
Lisa wasn't going into this but carried on her explanation with a calm tone.  
"I know that you are still running most of Brookland in France and that you have excellent connections there which brings me to the idea to offer you all Fairfield's business matters that it has in France. I don't want to sell it to you, I'm giving it to you and you can do whatever you want – but under one condition: It needs to stay with Fairfield Stables. I will run things over here, while you add Fairfield to your list of things when you are over there anyway - a partnership. And we will find a fair way about the finances if this is the only thing what worries you."  
The lines on his face didn't soften up. She could tell that he wasn't convinced but he would be stupid if he wasn't taking on her offer. The business branch she had been building up in France was always promising. Many wealthy clients were just waiting for her to come back, waiting to get into business with her. Fairfield's reputation abroad had always been one of the best and its well-bred thoroughbreds were in great demand. Lisa used to sell horses around the world and not only for racing but for all kind of equine sports. That's what Fairfield's horses were known for – broadly applicable, healthy and sound.  
Lisa had always enjoyed her time in France – business or not but it felt overwhelming lately. She didn't want to quit on it but she also couldn't do either. That's where Dan came into play. However the man still looked at her with even more wide eyes.  
"This means that we would still be working together. Are you sure you want that?"  
"I have thought it through, Dan, believe me. Fairfield needs France. It has always been a huge part of it but my time in Europe is over. I won't travel back and forth like I used to. There is enough for me to take care of here. So, what do you say? You want it or not? "  
He almost bursted into laughter by the seriousness that came from her. She was really being serious and well... stupid, but Dan kept this to himself, putting back on his business face.  
"Well, I really can't make a decision yet. Let me think about it."  
"Yes, please do that." her voice was still emotionless and it was clear that she was done with the topic for today.  
It would have been the right time to leave but Dan remained seated and watched her, trying to understand what her motives were while she was innocently pulling a folder across the table and opened it to flick through a pile of forms. He wasn't used to her giving others the cold shoulder like that.  
"You know, I must say the accident really did change you, eh?"  
Lisa looked up again, not sure where this was coming from now.  
"What do you mean by that?"  
"Oh just confirming people's talking."  
"People's talking?!", she was even more confused. What talking? What was _he_ talking about?  
"Yeah, not that easy for the people around you to deal with it. Especially those that are close to you."  
This put a concerned frown on her face and he could see her searching for words.  
"Did Jack say anything?", her voice sounded worried.  
"Jack? Oh, oh no. You know him, he doesn't talk about that kind of stuff although it's pretty obvious that he isn't having the best time of his life lately."  
He could almost see her brain working while she processed what he just said. It was easy to find her weak spots and he was almost proud that he still knew her that well. After all those years.  
"Dan, you know...I would really like to keep chatting with you about things that are none of you business but I think you should leave now. Please think about my offer and let me know as soon as possible."  
"Just saying. Maybe you think about that, too." Dan nodded, got up and turned towards the exit.  
'He isn't having the best time of his life.' These words were echoing through her head while she watched Dan leaving the room and closing the door behind him, her eyes absentmindedly set on the white wooden surface.  
Well, no one was having the best time currently. Things weren't easy and Lisa knew that it was still a struggle for Jack and her to get their life back to normal. But nevertheless a lot had improved and the relationship to him felt stronger than ever before. But was she still such a pain in the ass lately? Was it hard to live with her? Dan was right, Jack didn't talk easily about things that bothered him. He would never admit. Especially when she was the source of it.  
Lost in thoughts Lisa racked her brain over Dan's comment. It was useless to get back to work now. What had she done wrong?

Jack pulled in the parking lot in front of the fence and unbuckled himself, noticing that Lisa wasn't doing anything than staring out the window at Heartland's ranch house in front of them. She was thinking about something, he could tell.  
They were just coming home form the check up at her doctor where he had picked her up. Harry Williams, a stable hand of Fairfield Stables and close friend of Lisa's, had driven her there this afternoon after she spent the day at Fairfield, trying to get back into her work. Lisa still had to get used to the routines and her fields of duties but all in all things are working out well so far. The appointments at her doctors were scheduled every other week to trace the progress on her recovery. Although Lisa hadn't wanted to involve therapists and doctors in her healing process after regaining the feeling in her legs, Jack had begged her to see them and get professional advises while she was still working with Amy and Buddy; not daily anymore but as often as there was any time left.  
On the drive home Lisa had told him about her day at Fairfield and the appointment. Doctor Ganazi was satisfied with her state however recommended against the question if she could get back into her own car anytime soon. It wasn't time yet to drive herself. Especially the bad weather and road conditions of the winter season were making driving too dangerous. But if she kept making good progress there was a chance to sit behind the wheel again soon, especially when the snow and cold was gone and spring would bring back new life.  
Yet, it would take a couple months until then which didn't make things easier with the current situation and it certainly bothered her.  
"Are you okay?", he asked when the silence became unbearable.  
"I really hate to say this, but I think it is better for us when I stay at Fairfield during the week or some days at least."  
"What?"  
Jack knew that she had been considering something, but hearing her saying this left him a bit startled. With wide eyes he was staring at her.  
"Why?"  
She finally turned and looked at him. The conflict in her eyes was hard to ignore.  
"You can't go on like this.", Lisa said while shaking her head.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You are spending so much time in this truck driving me to Fairfield and picking me up again. Not to mention all the other places you take me to. "  
"No, I ... it's fine."  
"That's just nonsense, Jack. I don't want you to drive back and forth two times a day. It would make things much easier if I just stayed at my house. Besides I have meetings and appointments. I will just plan them at my office or Harry will give me a ride. It's taking you so much time to chauffeur me around."  
"I really don't mind."  
"Well, but I do. You've got enough on your plate, especially this time of the year. Last thing you need is an additional time on the roads."  
She was being right. It did eat up a lot of time that he needed to get his chores done before dusk and night was coming in early during the winter months. Often the closed roads would take him longer than planned to get from A to B and at the end of the day he would always come to bed late only to wake up early again and do a few things before driving Lisa to Fairfield. It was taking a toll on him but he would have never said anything. Despite the many ways, Jack always enjoyed having the opportunity to be alone with her for a bit. Still, it was right that this couldn't go on.  
They were looking at each other for a long moment, both of them knowing that a decision needed to be made but at the same time wished that they didn't have to.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes. " She sounded a bit too determined to his taste.  
"Well, this means I don't get to see you much then, right?" This time it was him staring out the window, looking at his house and already picturing and feeling the emptiness without her being there for days in a row. A feeling he had learned to hate.  
Lisa sighed sadly, fully aware of the sacrifice she had to make. That's what she had been afraid of, what she didn't want anymore after the accident happened. Yet still, here they were, back in that usual situation of them being apart for most of the time.  
Yet, it would be only temporary until she felt confident enough to get back into her car and the weather got better.  
"We will make it work, yes? Promise me that we will.", her pleading voice sounded slightly desperate.  
He turned back to her, smiling encouraging and taking her hand.  
"I think we have overcome by far more complicated situations, haven't we?", he winked.  
"Yes, we have."  
He reached around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug, missing her already but shoving the thought of being alone in his bed again out of his mind.  
Not tonight.  
"I promise."


	18. Chapter 18

(Hi, yeah. It's me. Oh gosh, it's been such an aweful long time but let me tell you that I really wanted to write but couldn't because... work happened... yeah, so I am off work for the next two weeks and I'll try to get done as much as possible concerning this fanfiction! so let's start with a somewhat shorter chapter that takes our beloved ones into another direction)

Chapter 18

It was bitterly cold in the barn and Georgie was rubbing her hands against the white fluffy coat of the horse in front of her. Phoenix was still warm from the ride they had made through the winter scenery. The young girl had never liked the cold months of the year. It always meant to stay inside more although outside was where she enjoyed her life most. Additionally, it also meant to stop practising jumping. The ground was frozen and the snow too slippery. It was simply too dangerous to ride in the outside arena. Amy would refuse to trainer her there and Georgie understood. Nevertheless, she was annoyed. Annoyed by the current situation and by the never ending winter season. Usually she would get the opportunity to use someone's indoor arena but since her win at the fall finale she wasn't quite welcomed at her competitors. So all she could hope for was to keep her horse fit by taking him for a trail ride almost every day and to get back into shape as soon as the snow was gone. Still, the dissatisfaction caused her quite some mood and today was no exception.  
Georgie was just throwing a rug over her sweaty horse when she heard footsteps on the stairs that led up to the loft. Amy appeared with the baby phone in her hands.  
"Hey, how was it?"  
"He is bored." Georgie took the chance to get her worries right off her chest. "Our trail rides don't exercise him enough and we should definitely stay in training."  
"Don't put too much pressure on yourself, Georgie. He knows that you are stressed out." She knew that her niece had high expectations concerning her future as a rider but at the same time felt that it was on her to keep the girl down to earth. It wasn't healthy to become to competitive.  
"I'm not."  
Amy looked at her while she leaned against the wooden frame of one of the stables. Spartan came to greet her from behind.  
"Well, yeah maybe I am but I really want to continue jumping. It's our thing. It's the only thing we are good at."  
"You two are good at many things but I get what you are saying. We should find an indoor arena for you again, then."  
"What's the point? No one wants us anyway.", she mumbled and closed the claps of the rug.  
"That's not true. Val is really interested in what you have achieved with Phoenix, Georgie."  
"No, not Val again! This woman...she is just ... brrr. I can't stand her."  
That funny sound made Amy laugh.  
"Yeah, she is definitely one of a kind but I think she really learnt from her mistake and is keen to continue working with you. Besides, Briar Ridge's arena is having all the bells and whistles you need to improve your jumping skills and it's just during the winter months. "  
Georgie sighed and petted the neck of her horse.  
"Well, think about it, okay?"  
" 'kay, I will."  
Val Stanton was really one of the last persons she wanted to depend on, but Amy was right. There weren't many choices. To be more precise – there were none except for the options to ride in the countryside for the next two months or to get over herself and train at Briar Ridge. If her jumping career was that important than she needed to step up to Val and handle her like a grown up – like a woman that knew her way. A woman that was strong and self-confident.  
"Georgie? You in here?", a voice at the door suddenly appeared and made the girls turn around.  
"We are here, Grandpa."  
The cowboy stepped in and shut the doors behind him.  
"Maggie's called and asked if you could take on a shift. Apparently, one of the girls got sick.", Jack let them know as he walked up to them, the car keys lay already in his hand. He was dressed in clothes that he only wore when going out for dinner – dark jeans, a plain shirt underneath his winter coat and the better looking hat.  
Georgie sighed again.  
"Are you going somewhere?", Amy asked, a bit surprised by his unusual look.  
"Yeah, Lisa's. I can give you a ride and drop you off on my way.", he offered and watched the girl that didn't look too happy about the change in plans.  
"I will take Phoenix. You go.", Amy took the rope from her hands. "And we will talk about it later, okay?", she added, referring to the idea to look for a place to train.  
"Yeah. Thanks."

The teenage girl was pretty quiet on their drive to Hudson. Jack wondered what was going on but wasn't surprised. Georgie had been quiet ever since her great success at the fall finale and he couldn't help but think that she was a bit overwhelmed with the whole situation. Not only that of the win but also the aftermath of it. Jack had known that girl for years and he knew that she had a strong personality. One that made her go her own way. However, sometimes this also meant to sacrifice certain things. Not all of the people she knew were keen of it and even Wyatt was a bit overwhelmed although the boy was working hard on sticking around. Jack had noticed the on and off relationship they were having although he was trying to keep out of it as much as possible. He had his own burdens to carry which of course didn't mean he wouldn't jump in if Georgie or someone else needed his help. But as long as they were able to manage things by themselves, Jack used to watch from a safe distance. Still, the constant quietness of his great-granddaughter unsettled him and maybe it was time to give her one of the advises Jack always had ready to pass on.  
"You know Georgie, life takes us up and down the hills and often the success we achieve isn't the medicine for all the problems we have to deal with in life."  
He could see her turn her head towards him and could almost feel her thinking about the riddle which, he had to admit, wasn't that easy to catch.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean that you just give yourself time to find your way, okay?", he explained, not sure if it was more helpful for her to understand and if he hadn't expected it already, it became quiet in the truck again. The remaining part of the drive was spent in silence while they entered the little in snow covered town.  
Since the sun stood low and had already dropped behind the roofs of the buildings it was already half dark and the street lights weakly illuminated the roads where piles of snow were shoveled to each side to clear the way. The wind blew strongly through the street of Hudson. It was freezing as they got off the truck and rushed towards Maggie's.  
As soon as he entered, Jack was greeted by a familiar voice to his left.  
"Well well well, see who the wind blew in."  
He turned on his heels and looked at the blond woman that sat at one of the tables near the doors of the diner. A cup of coffee was in her hands and the latest newspaper placed in front of her.  
"Val! Good to see you.", Jack greeted and tipped the rim of his hat. He was a bit surprised since he hadn't expected to meet his long-term friend and neighbour today. After all they parted pretty roughly last time they had seen each other. It was at the fall finale where Georgie not only left her competitors disappointed but also made Val somewhat furious. The woman didn't have anything good to say about the Heartland family on that day. Jack knew it was just her temper speaking, but the others felt quite offended. Most of all Georgie who was just pushing past him while keeping her eyes on the ground, hoping to not be recognized by the woman at the table. Of course, this attempt was useless.  
"Ah, our champion. How is that pony of yours?", Val asked and Jack didn't miss the flash in her eyes.  
"It's not a pony."  
"Of course not. Your horse. He is quite a jumper, isn't he?"  
Georgie turned away and made her way towards the counter to get ready to work. Jack looked after her, a bit worried.  
"Yeah, Phoenix always have had it in his legs.", he jumped in.  
"Right. Anyway. How about a cup of coffee, Jack? I didn't like how we ended things last time. Let me make it up to you."  
"Sorry Val, I was just dropping of Georgie on my way to Lisa's"  
"Oh right, Lisa. How is she doing anyway? Heard about what happened down by the race track.", she said and Jack didn't know what to feel to the fact that 'down by the race track' happened months ago and Val hadn't had the decency to come up to him and offer her commiseration. Not that he needed or wanted it but it kind of felt out of place right now.  
"She is doing good. She's just returned to Fairfield."  
"She is? Well, good for her!"  
"Listen Val, I might not have time for coffee right now but how about you come over to Heartland and join us for dinner some day?" He didn't want to leave without taking on the offer to get things straight again, especially with the whole Heartland family. A calm and nice evening would probably help to calm the horses down between the two parties. Val's face lit up.  
"That's an offer I won't miss. Thank you."  
"Sure. I need to go now.", Jack smiled and nodded. "You okay, Georgie?"  
Jack turned around making sure she was fine but didn't miss her shocked look when she overheard his invitation for Val.  
Maybe a nice evening was really a good idea for some peace.


	19. Chapter 19

(I admit, it's not one of my best. I am not really comfortable to write Val Stanton lol. But let's keep it like this for now. Hope the next chapter will be better. Oh and tysm for all the great reviews! I am more than happy that you are still with me on this story!)

Chapter 19

"Yes," she sighed, "Yes, I understand. I will see you on Friday then, okay?"  
"Good. Yap. Mhm... Hey,", she stopped here for a meaningful moment, "love you." she added and the answer on the other side of the phone finally made her smile before she slowly hung up the phone not missing out to let another sigh escape her mouth.  
The full-term stay at Fairfield had been harder than Lisa thought it would be. She was lonely. Lonely in this big white house that she called her home for many years. It no longer was. It was sterile, impersonal and cold. She didn't feel comfortable staying here but there wasn't another choice. Fairfield needed her especially during this time of the year that put everything on a test.  
Winter kept coming in strongly and steadily this year. Huge piles of snow covered not only the landscape but also the roads that thus weren't accessible currently. Many roads were closed and made it impossible to drive back and forth. It made it impossible for Jack and Lisa to see each other. Lisa wished she would have stayed at Heartland before they shut down the traffic. Thus she could have stayed with her family instead of spending her time alone at Fairfield. It's been three days since they had seen each other last and Lisa already missed her husband's presence insanely. It was easier to deal with during the day. All the things that needed to be done kept her distracted especially since the closed roads also meant that most of her staff wasn't able to come to work. Luckily a few of them stayed at the apartments Fairfield owned and helped getting the chores done. But other than that life at Fairfield was as frozen as the snow that seemed to stop the world from turning.  
The phone in her hand found its way onto the living-room table when Lisa got up. It was not that late, something around nine, but tiredness just rolled in. Everything was exhausting these days. Not only working full time now but also the many ways she had to make during each day. Walking was still difficult for her, yet she forced herself through it. It took forever to reach her destinations which was kind of maddening and she always ended up breathless, looking for something to sit on and to take a break. The circumstances weren't really helpful to get things done quickly but there was nothing else she could do about it than to keep practising walking. Her feet and legs often hurt by all the effort but Lisa chose to ignore them. There was simply no time to deal with this too, besides all the other things that needed to be dealt with. Right now it was the uneasy feeling of turning in for the night, to spend the night alone in this too big and too cold bed. Although Jack hadn't spent many times here, she missed his company. She even missed his complaints about all the pillows on her bed. This thought made her smile slightly as she walked over to the sink to put the empty tea mug into the dishwasher.  
Suddenly and without any prior warning Lisa tripped and the next second the loud noise of breaking ceramic was heard on the tiles of the kitchen as the mug split into several pieces. She fell forward, tried to keep her balance but landed on two lifeless legs that gave way under her weight. Before she was able to find a different position of falling, she already saw the kitchen counter coming closer and fell hard against the edge of the marble counter top. A piercing pain immediately shot through her shoulder as body met stone and she went down on the ground, moaning by the pain that brought tears to her eyes. For a moment she just stayed there on the cold tiles and tried to catch her breath.  
"Shoot.", she cursed, covered her face with her hand and held back the tears while trying to let the pain in her shoulder settle down.  
It wasn't the first time this happened - that her legs went numb all of a sudden and made her stumble but it never had been that worse. She had never fallen down and even worse hit herself. The feeling in her legs was slowly coming back now. She could feel the pins and needles under her skin and she was also able to lift them for a few inches. A relieved moan crossed her lips but at the same time the fear in her gut spread inexorably. The whole thing scared the heck out of her. What was going on? Why was she losing the feeling in her legs again? The doctor hadn't mention any of this – that she had to expect some kind of relapse or that this would be part of her life from now on.  
After calming down a bit Lisa managed to sit up and lean against the bottom of the counter, taking a break for a moment. The pain still pounded through her shoulder as she pressed her hand against it. That's gonna turn into one big bruise, it shot through her head but wasn't as concerned about that as she was about her ability to walk.  
Being the strong woman as ever, her hand reached up to grab the edge of the counter top and pull herself up, checking the stability of the two legs cautiously. Everything was back to normal now, well as normal as you could call life lately. With one last loud exhale, Lisa walked out the kitchen, switched off the lights and made her way towards the bedroom. Her hand holding on to the furniture  
on the way or steadying herself on the wall.  
The thought of whether to tell anybody about what happened was keeping her mind busy now and caused her another sleepless night.

The fire in the fireplace crackled loudly as were the jingling of the plates and silverware that were put onto the dining table.  
"I just don't understand why you would invite her over, Grandpa.", Lou said and put the basket of bread down.  
"I mean, she hadn't been really tactful last time."  
"She offered to come clean with us. I don't see the problem here.", he opposed as he carried the bowl of cooked potatoes on one hand and the plate with corn cobs on the other.  
"I do. I hate her.", Georgie mumbled to herself but was clearly audible for everyone to hear and Lou shot a glance at her daughter.  
"Georgie.", she said with a warning tone which however wasn't coming out that convinced. It was clear that no one really liked Val and there wasn't just one reason to it. There had been quite a few situations over the years that didn't make the neighbour to the most likeable person. Especially here on Heartland.  
"This woman is awful.", Georgie added insistently.  
"But it might be your chance to ask her about using the indoor arena.", Amy remembered her niece who looked annoyed.  
"Maybe I should stick with the trail rides and forget about my jumping career."  
"Don't-"  
"Maybe", Jack shot in and stopped the girls from going any further in the matter, "Maybe we should just have a nice dinner, okay?"  
Everyone went quiet now, knowing that the cowboy wouldn't accept anymore complaints and whinging this evening and he had stopped them indeed just in time as the house door opened and brought in a cool winters breeze.  
"Look who I've found outside.", Tim announced when coming in and stepped to the side, revealing Val Stanton behind him. She did not only wear a wide, expensive beige coat but also a big wide grin on her face.  
"Hello everyone."  
Her presence was automatically dropping the mood in the room even more but everybody behaved in their best manner and greeted back.  
"Glad you could make it.", Jack said at last and came closer, indicating to take her coat off.  
"Well, of course. An invitation from you doesn't come every day.", she joked and winked at him that made him chuckle and everyone else roll their eyes.  
"Come on in and have a seat. I will just grab a bottle of wine." Jack turned to hang up her coat and walked past his ex son-in-law who had eyed him suspiciously and took the chance now to step up close to him.  
"Where is that wife of yours, huh?", he whispered and made sure to put a reproachful tone into it that was hard to ignore. Of course, Jack immediately reacted to it sensitively, fully aware of the fact that Lisa was trapped at her place for days already due to the street conditions.  
"Shut up." he murmured back and pushed past him into the kitchen to grab the bottle of wine that was standing on the kitchen table. However, Tim stood fast and followed the older man.  
"No really, where is she? Val is here but Lisa is not. Looks kinda awkward to me."  
"Lisa is stuck at Fairfield. All the roads are still closed if you haven't noticed."  
"Oh I see... good that Val made it here safely then." he ironically responded and left the kitchen, leaving a guilty feeling Jack behind.  
No, there was nothing to feel guilty about. Were the road closures his fault? Was it his fault that he couldn't get to her? He wished he could. Damn it, he missed her like crazy but there was no way to get through all the snow that blocked the streets lately. Val was only here because she lived closer to Heartland than Lisa did and those streets obviously were cleared already.  
With a shaking head Jack put those thoughts to the side and entered the living-room with a bottle of red wine in his hand. He would give Lisa a call tonight.  
Everyone had already taken a seat when he came in and the first thing Jack noticed was the empty chair to his left. On the one hand he was glad no one had taken it but on the other it also looked wrong to stay empty for the evening. Again he shoveled the thoughts to the side and sat down and opened the bottle, noticing the quiet atmosphere in the room.  
"Shouldn't we wait?", Val pointed at the seat to her right.  
"Ah, no she isn't coming. The roads you know.", Jack explained briefly and heard Tim coughing on the other end of the table. Everyone else remained quiet.  
Luckily, the evening turned into having a good conversation that didn't only include Jack and Val but everyone at the table. Even Georgie unbent during the meal and talked about her jumping experiences with Phoenix. It was obvious that the girl needed that kind of conversation and despite the dislike about Val Stanton, no one would argue that the woman wasn't having life experiences concerning show jumping and career planning. Jack was glad that she seemed to be really interested in the strategies and methods Georgie and Amy used during the training and with that her offer to train at Briar Ridge didn't come out of the blue. However, offers like that should be taken cautiously and with a glance at his granddaughter, Jack knew that Amy was having the same thought.  
"This would be nice, wouldn't it Georgie?", she said and made the girl slightly blush.  
"Yeah, I think it would."  
"You can use the arena whenever you like. Only condition – keep me up to date about your training. I might have a good spot for you in my team for the upcoming season."  
This made the teenage girl hesitate and Jack jumped in for some help.  
"Let's not rush into anything yet."  
"Of course not.", Val winked at him and smiled. "Time is running a bit slower here on Heartland, I got that." she joked, yet no one joined in, except for Jack, who smiled back politely.


	20. Chapter 20

(next chapter. thx again for the reviews. I kinda have no idea where I want to take this story lol. I always decide while writing. So it's going to be a surprise for all of us haha. It definitelly seems to turn into a long(er) time story :) )

Chapter 20

It was Friday and he was supposed to see Lisa today but with the start of the day and the first attempt to step outside onto the porch, Jack quickly noticed that even more snow had fallen over night and was still falling. Not slowly and nicely like on a romantic winters day but heavily and with the mixture of a strong wind that whirled the snow through the air and blew it hard against his face. A snow storm was blowing across the land and caused even more trouble than there already was. The clouds hung low today and with all the white material in between it nearly looked as if the sky touched the ground. It was one big wall of snow that made it hard for Jack to see the barn on the other side of the yard. The winter was really getting on his nerves this year.  
He turned around, pulled the doors shut and walked back inside, heading for the phone that lay on the desk.  
Within a second he had dialed the number of his wife's home phone.  
It ringed two times before she took the incoming call.  
"Hi Lisa, it's Jack.", he greeted her before she could say anything.  
"Hey,... I kind of hoped you wouldn't call.", she laughed but he could clearly hear the misgiving in her voice.  
They had done the calling for the last ten days and both of them were tired of it. Not because of talking to each other but because it was the only contact they shared lately. Besides, it always meant that one of them would apologize for not coming over and unfortunately it wasn't any different today.  
"I wish I hadn't either but have you been outside yet?"  
Her deep sigh reached him through the phone and he could almost feel the air of her breath against his ear.  
"No, but I can clearly see what you mean."  
Jack pictured her standing at the huge panorama window that span across the entire wall of her living-room and overlooked the back fields of Fairfield Stables that were probably as white as the view he was having while looking through the small kitchen window and across Heartland's front yard.  
It became quiet on the phone. Both of them were lost in their thoughts. She was silently cursing fate for taking a toll on them again and he was trying to figure out an option to make his way to Fairfield anyway.  
"I'm coming.", Jack suddenly said. He knew the idea was crazy but he couldn't excuse himself one more time. He needed to see her today.  
"What?"  
"I will saddle up Buddy and-"  
"Jack, you don't want to ride through that raging storm out there. Please stay were you are. This is too dangerous."  
"I-"  
"Listen, I can't deal with one more potential problem right now. Please stay put, okay?"  
Usually it was him bringing her back to her senses when coming up with an idea like this but she was right. She was absolutely right. Fairfield wasn't just around the corner and it indeed was the hell of a storm out there. Jack still watched the worsening weather through the window and in the distance he saw an approaching dark dot that he quickly recognized as his granddaughter who made her way through the storm and towards the main house. Jack started to walk over to the doors to open them for her.  
"Do you have everything you need over there?", he asked, still talking to his wife and meaning the supplies for herself and the horses.  
"Yes... No. No, I don't."  
There wasn't any further explanation needed to understand what or rather who she was referring to. A hurt smile was running over the lines of his face.  
"We will check on the weather tomorrow, yes?"  
"We will."  
"Take care of yourself."  
"You, too."  
He hung up the phone the same time Amy almost fell over the threshold. Her hand had been on her hat to prevent it from being blown off.  
"Ugh, it's terrible out there!", she spoke hastily as she came in and brushed the snow from her clothes while Jack closed the doors again.  
"Is everything okay over there?", he asked. He hadn't been at the barn yet.  
"Yeah, I fed the horses already. Ty helped."  
"Good."  
After Amy took off her winter coat and hat and put a kettle of hot water onto the stove, she turned to settle down at the kitchen table. The quietness of her grandfather made her worry. She noticed the phone still laying in his hand.  
"Is something wrong?"  
"What? Oh, no. It's ...", he broke off in mid-sentence and shook his head slightly, trying to tell her that there was nothing to worry about. Not for her to worry about, that is. He however, did worry. There was one sentence from the phone call with Lisa that was stuck in his head.  
'I can't deal with one more potential problem right now.'  
What did this mean? One more? What other problems was she dealing with? The strong winter was difficult for everyone and Jack knew that most of Lisa's employees weren't able to come to work. She told him that Harry was there, as well as Gwen, Tony and Judy and that they were doing only the most necessary things like feeding and watering the horses and mucking out the stables. If there had occurred any more problems she would have told him, wouldn't she? Jack couldn't get rid of the feeling that his wife wasn't as straight and honest with him again. That she held something from him, so he wouldn't worry. The urge to ride over to Fairfield was becoming stronger. He needed to see for himself that she was okay.  
"Are you waiting for a call?", she pointed at his hand and broke his thoughts. His eyes wandered down to the firm grip that held the electronic device.  
"No, I-", but the same time he was starting to speak the phone rang and he winced by the unexpected noise before raising it to his ear.  
"Bartlett. ...Val! ...Okay, hold on and calm down. What happened? ...Where are you right now? ... Alright, stay there. I'm coming."  
With that he almost threw the phone on the table and turned to put on his boots.  
Amy looked alarmed.  
"Grandpa?"  
"Val got stuck with her car up at Township Road."  
"How do you want to get there? The snow is -"  
"I don't know, Amy but we can't leave her stranded in the cold, can we?"  
"No, but I will come with you.", she insisted and turned the stove off.  
With that and Amy texting Ty that she was going with her grandfather to get Val, the two were heading towards the red old truck that stood covered in snow near the Quonset hut. The strong wind was howling across the yard, as Jack pulled the snow chains from the inside of the truck, furious with himself that he hadn't put them on the tires earlier, before the storm came up.


	21. Chapter 21

(I am really not compfortable in writing Val haahaha but we'll get through it ;) Thanks again for the reviews. Don't be too hard on Jack. That poor guy just wants to help. as always xD )

Chapter 21

Finding Val and the in snow sunken car was as hard as driving there. Not only was the view blocked by the heavy snow storm but the roads were also fully covered in snowdrifts. It was dangerous and Jack was holding on to the steering wheel in a firm grip, trying to keep the truck on the street. Once there they saw that Val's car was not only stuck but also had slipped into the ditch. She herself had managed to get out and stood next to the array of bushes on the side to shield herself from the cold and wind – with less luck.  
She was freezing and wet and Jack didn't think twice but took off his winter coat to throw it around her shoulders and push her into the truck. There was nothing else Amy could do right now than to slid over and make room for her on the passenger bench seat.  
They left Val's car on the side of the road. There was no hurry to drag it out now and it also was not blocking the way. Besides, no one would hopefully come to the same crazy idea to drive on this street during the storm.  
Once at Heartland and in the house, Jack immediately started a fire and Amy turned on the stove again to brew some hot water for tea.  
Val hadn't said much during the drive and was now sitting on the sofa in the living room. She was slightly shivering but was already wrapped into a quilt that Jack had put around her.  
"Do you need some dry clothes, Val?", he asked as he closed the screens of the fireplace and turned around. She was smiling gratefully but shook her head.  
"Thank you, Jack. I think I'm good."  
"Okay.", he nodded and got up, "But sit over here. It's closer to the fire." He pointed at his armchair and helped her up.  
Amy just came in with two cups of hot tea when Georgie appeared on the stairs that led up to the attic room. She looked confused when she noticed Val downstairs but came down anyway.  
"Here, this should warm you up.", Amy handed one of the mugs over to Val and put the other down on the coffee table before returning to the kitchen.  
"What happened?", Georgie asked and came closer. Val looked up.  
"Oh, I was stupid enough to think I would make it through the snow.", she laughed and took a cautious sip from her hot drink while Jack sat down too. He was wondering what made her leave her place in the first place. The road conditions had been bad for days.  
"Where were you going?"  
"I had to pick up something in town but they are probably closed anyway. On a stormy day like this."  
The same time Amy came back with two more cups, the door opened and Ty came in, Lyndy hidden underneath his jacket and pressed closely to his chest.  
"Hey, we made it.", he grinned at the girl who seemed to be the only one that was entertained by the horrendous weather outside. Her light laughter filled the room with life and everybody smiled at the funny noise.  
"Hi there!, Amy called and after putting the cups down, greeted her little girl while daddy took off his thick coat and joined the others in the living room.  
"So, they forecast more snow during the day but it's supposed to stop during the night and clear sunshine tomorrow.", he passed on the news that he had probably gotten while waiting for Jack and Amy's return.  
"Alright, I suggest you spend the night over here, Val and we will see if we can get to Briar Ridge tomorrow.", Jack said and looked serious at her. There was no way to get anywhere else today and he was secretly glad Lisa talked him out of the idea to ride over to Fairfield today. It would have been dangerous and stupid.  
"You sure? I don't want to make things more complicated than they already are."  
"You don't. Besides, there isn't any other option right now because I won't drive one more meter through that snow today. In fact, nobody should."  
"I won't argue to that.", she agreed and pulled the quilt closer.

It was way after 10pm and everyone had already left for bed. Everyone except for Jack and Val who have found their way from the dinner table back to the living-room section and in front of the fire that was still going. The day had been spent in the house mostly while the storm was still raging outside. The wind was blowing hard against the windows and the snow pilled up more and more. Despite the terrible weather situation it was warm and cozy inside. The family came together and shared a nice day that was filled with lots of talks, board games, food and drinks. Lyndy was a joy for everyone to watch as the little girl crawled through the entire house while making funny noises. Georgie took the time to play with the toddler since she usually was too busy with school or the horses. Amy had been walking back and forth between the barn and the main house. She was a bit worried about the horses but with her care they were doing just fine. Now that everyone turned in for the night it had become quiet in the house.  
The fire still crackled and two wine glasses stood on the coffee table while the two adults were still talking about anything and everything.  
"I must say it is nice to spend some time with my old old friend.", Val said. She looked much better now after spending the day surrounded by the warmth of the Heartland family. Jack, as always sitting on his personal spot, in his armchair, chuckled. He understood the ambiguity of her chosen words. He indeed was the old old friend.  
"You know while going through my cancer I have really learned that some things in life are not as important as I always thought they were ...and some things are really important. Like having a good friend like you."  
Jack hesitated for a moment and blushed a bit. "Sure.", he smirked.  
"I mean it, Jack. You're the only one that stuck around for the last two decades. Can't say that about anybody else that I called a friend during this time."  
"Well, you know what they say – never get into a fight with your neighbours. You never know what they are capable of.", he joked and they shared a good laugh but Val quickly changed into a serious tone again. This topic seemed to be really important to her, so Jack listened up.  
"You're a good guy, Jack. You always have. Thank you for everything you have done for me in the last years."  
"That's what friends are for.", he shrugged, took his glass of wine and held it up, indicating her to do the same thing and clink glasses, not knowing yet that Val would stay another day and night since the clearing up of the night sky brought very low minus temperatures and turned everything into one frozen and slippery glaze.


	22. Chapter 22

(Let's keep going! I really enjoy your reviews! Sorry that I can't answer to them but please know that I appreciate them very much!)

Chapter 22

Finally, on the third day the temperatures rose which caused the snow to melt. Additionally, the snowplows cleared the streets as much as possible and it was safer now to drive the car. One still had to be cautious since the pavement was still slippery and pretty muddy by all slush but at least the world seemed to start turning again. However, the traffic was terrible. People tried to get into town for the badly needed grocery shopping and some drove their cars overcautiously and thus slowed down the traffic.  
Jack couldn't remember the last time they had such a terrible winter storm. Being a Canadian meant to be used to the amount of snow and the long, cold season but this year had been extreme. He was glad that spring finally seemed to fight its way through the snow. It would still take several more weeks until winter was over, but at least it was good to be on the road again, especially when his destination was Fairfield Stables.  
Lisa was having another appointment at her doctors which had been rescheduled twice already - although there wasn't any time, especially now that life was also coming back to Fairfield and with all the things that needed to be done after the snow storm. Lisa had told him on the phone that Harry would drive her, because she had to stay at her place afterwards anyways but Jack had insisted to come over and give her a ride. Even though it meant to struggle through the traffic and being on the road for half of the day and leave Amy with all the work that also needed to be done at Heartland - the reason why he would return home after he had driven Lisa back to Fairfield. Amy couldn't deal with everything by herself. Ty was at the clinic again, Tim at Big River, Lou watching the kids or being at the dude ranch or Maggie's and Georgie took the chance to start her training at Briar Ridge.  
After dropping off Val there, Jack immediately hit the road towards Lisa's place.  
The days with Val Stanton staying over at Heartland had been nice but he was glad when she thanked him like a hundred times, patted his arm, got off his truck and waved goodbye. He was glad that she was back at her place now and he could focus on the person again that he had been missing for the last two weeks. Val's stay had distracted him from the worries about Lisa being alone at Fairfield and the problems she was dealing with, but the unsettled feeling in his gut was fully back now which made him want to hit the gas pedal even more. Yet, with the still bad street conditions it was hard to drive any faster than he already did.  
A few roads were still closed due to snowdrifts or running melt water so it took him longer than he had thought it would.  
Once there, Jack noticed relieved that things at Fairfield seemed to be steady as always, except for the huge layer of snow that buried everything outside. All the horses were turned inside and thus the paddocks on either side of the driveway deserted.  
The old truck came to a halt in front of one of the stable buildings. It was almost four and Jack didn't have to ponder where to find Lisa. She was either with the horses or in her office. Both things he would find in the very building, he was just entering as he stepped through the massive door. The scent of horses, hay and straw met him instantly while having a quick glance down the alley of the stable.  
There she was, her back turned towards him and not noticing his entrance. She was intently speaking to two employees. Judy was holding one of the bay thoroughbred mares, while Gwen was checking her legs. Some wrapping material lay on the ground. Jack remembered her telling him that one of the horses got hurt in the stable. That must probably be her then but he couldn't spot the injury since the women were blocking the view.  
"Hello, I'm here to pick up a certain Mrs. Stillman.", Jack spoke up and a smirk crossed his lips now as Lisa whirled around by the sound of his voice.  
The words got stuck in his throat and his heart skipped a beat as those blue eyes lit up and her lips moved into a smile. She wore a dark grey winter coat with a thick high neck, which however was only zipped up to the dark violet scarf that was wrapped around her neck and swallowed the ends of her loose ponytail. The deep colours contrasted nicely with the tone of her skin and the shade of her hair. He couldn't help but be amazed by her beauty yet another time. She was the most beautiful woman to him and it was just hard to believe that she was his. His girl. His loving wife.  
Standing right there in the cold barn, seeing Lisa like this and feeling the warmth rising in his stomach made him fall in love with her all over again.  
"Jack!", she nearly shouted but with an emotional crack in her voice.  
He walked up and pulled her close, laughing lightly and resting his chin on top of her head while she fell against his chest. He could feel her immediately relaxing against him, could feel the wall of tension that must have built itself up over the time finally breaking down.  
"Oh Jack.", she breathed into his shirt.  
His hands moved over her back before Jack leaned back just a bit to look at her. They found their faces being automatically drawn towards each other. Mere inches separated them now.  
"Hi."  
"Hi.", they exchanged in between two kisses, before pulling apart but still wrapped in each others arms.  
"I missed you.", she whispered so only he could hear it, "so much."  
Jack leaned down once more to place another this time softer but longer kiss upon her lips, not breaking the eye contact. There were no words suitable enough to express how much he had missed her, too.  
For god's sake, they had been apart for longer than two weeks, but knowing that the distance between the two properties wasn't that far than to France or to the States or to somewhere else she had been to over the last ten years put them under pressure. So close but still miles apart and the snow storm hadn't been any helpful to overcome the close distance. Neither, did their very own responsibilities and duties throughout their work. They were following completely different schedules during the day which again made it difficult to find a common time spot to come together. Especially, since Lisa was working hard to make her way back into her business. This also meant that Jack knew only little about what was going on in her part of the world. She told him every now and then but sometimes he got the impression she wasn't telling him everything. Everything that he needed to know. Her well-being for example. Yes, she was back on her feet, walking slowly and still with much effort, but Jack wanted to know what it felt like – to her. Lisa never lost a word about it but he wanted, needed to share this stage of life with her.  
His thumb caressed her cheek softly now while he looked at her intensively.  
"Are you okay?"  
The short hesitation and the faint wink in her eyes sent another wave of worries and uncertainty through his body. Yet, instead of letting him in, she pulled back and stood aloof again.  
"Yes... yes.", she answered brusquely, paused and with a short glance back at the two women and the horse, reminded herself of the position she was representing. In a reserved manner Lisa cleared her throat and smoothed out her clothes. One hand found its way up to brush some loose hair back.  
"I'm fine. - Thanks Judy, you can bring her back now. Please contact the vet again. I am not quite satisfied with her leg." The tone in her voice had changed to make sure that despite the little distraction in showing her feelings and weak spots things still stayed the same here at Fairfield Stables. Judy and Gwen nodded, not thinking any less of her by the intimate moment that was shared with the cowboy. They knew Jack well from the time he had been struggling with keeping Fairfield going while his wife was in coma at the hospital. They understood and respected their close relationship and would never go so far to hold it against her professional position.  
When they led the mare down the alley, Jack turned to face Lisa again.  
"What happened there?"  
"Oh, she just went a bit crazy in the stable and hit her carpal joint against something. I just want to make sure we don't miss anything here, so we better let the vet have another look. Perhaps doing an x-ray."  
"Sounds plausible."  
A short pause emerged before Jack remembered why he had come here.  
"So, are you ready to go?"  
"Not really, but is there another option?"  
"Well," with one step he was back in front of her, pulling her close again, "we could get comfortable on your enormous couch and share a glass of wine. And...maybe a bit more than that...", he grinned and was able to bring up a faint smile on her lips.  
"I would very much prefer that but I think Doctor Ganazi is already waiting. You are a bit late."  
"Yeah, the roads... ."  
"Oh yeah...the roads...", she repeated with a roll in her eyes that made him laugh.  
The hand on the small of her back led her towards the exit and the truck that stood outside in the parking lot.

(Oh it felt so good two write these two again 3 )


	23. Chapter 23

(Quick update before I have to get back to office work at my desk 2morrow. We'll have to see how much I get done with this story during the next week! Hope I find some time to keep writing!)

Chapter 23

'Those numbers couldn't be right', it shot through her head as Lisa walked slowly through the stables and flicked through a form Dan had sent her from France. Her eyes were set onto the paper and a deep frown lay on her face that indicated the concentration but also doubts she was having right now. After the long day and with those painful feet and the pain in her head, Lisa just longed for a long warm bath instead of figuring out a paper she didn't quite understand.  
It was quiet in the stable building and only the calming sound of the horses munching their hay and the soft snorts through their nostrils was heard. The clock on the wall above the entrance showed a late hour already. It was almost nine and thus the work at Fairfield Stable had already been finished. Only Lisa and Harry were still around to check on the horses for the night. He was in the second building across the yard to tell his good nights to the yearlings while Lisa was still busy to understand Dan's bill. She was on her way to the office and getting rid of this form and the new upcoming wave of concerns when suddenly a well known sensation crept up her legs.  
Before she could react in any useful way the folder of forms slipped from her hands when she abruptly stumbled forward. With a quick glance Lisa desperately looked for something to hold on to but only found the wall to her right and let herself fall against it. The next moment she already sank like someone pulled the rug out from under her feet. Again her legs gave way under her weight and with her back against the wall Lisa slid down onto the ground. Surely looking like a picture of misery but not being able to change anything about it, she just stayed there on the cold floor, rested her head against the stone and closed her eyes.  
Over the time she got used to the moments when all of a sudden the muscles in her legs stopped working and she learned to find a way to secure herself within seconds to avoid such a hard and dangerous fall like last week. This however didn't mean that it was much easier to deal with it now. The same fear and the same anxiety were running through her veins and shook her body. It wasn't just the frequency of the repeating situation but also the duration of regaining the feeling in her legs. Whereas it was back withing seconds in the beginning, it took much longer now.  
Her hand went over her thigh - kind of trying to stimulate the nerves under her skin to start working again but the response was coming only slowly.  
Harry just came back from his night check and walked around the corner. As soon as he saw her sitting there, he dropped the empty bucket that he had carried and hurried over.  
She looked up at him when he knelt down and put a hand on her shoulder. The features on his face were drawn into a shocked expression but she was glad that the close friend was here.  
"Lisa, what is going on? Are you okay?"  
"I...I...I keep losing the feeling in my legs.", she sobbed but quickly pulled herself together. It wasn't the right time to lose her head, too.  
"What!?"  
"They go numb from one moment to the other and... ."  
For a short moment neither of them knew what to say. Harry was still in shock. The old man had known Lisa for years. He had been one of the first employees her father hired when starting Fairfield Stable back in the days. Lisa was still a kid back then and had grown into a strong and beautiful woman over the years. That's how long he had known her and when her father died, Harry had kind of taken on the role to watch over her. No wonder he was completely startled right now.  
"How long have you been dealing with this?"  
"One...two weeks, maybe."  
"Two weeks?! Does your doctor know?"  
Lisa shook her head, but at the same time already knew that her answer would upset him even more. "I haven't told him...yet."  
His eyes widened.  
"Lisa, this is serious! You should talk to him!"  
"I know, I know I should. I guess...I'm just afraid of whatever he has to say about it. The truth that I most probably will spend the rest of my life in - in a wheelchair."  
The bewildered glimmer in her eyes spoke volumes about the fear that haunted her every time this happened. Harry took her hand to calm her down.  
"Well, whatever the truth is, it won't change anything about you, darling. You will be the same wonderful and strong woman you always have been. It would be a life-changer, yes but keep in mind that it wouldn't make you any weaker or less lovable."  
Lisa looked up now and if she hadn't seen Harry with her own eyes still kneeling next to her, she would have thought Jack was speaking out those words. Those words- it reminded her so much of him. The comfort he would try to spend and the anxiety he would try to take off her. The words she needed to hear. From him. But then again it was her own fault. Jack couldn't comfort her in that matter because he didn't know. Because she still hadn't said a single word about it.  
As if Harry had read her thoughts, he asked the question Lisa had tried to avoid.  
"What about Jack?"  
By the sound of his name she turned her head and looked away which was enough for the old man to understand.  
"You haven't told him either? Lisa!"  
"I don't want him worried until I know. He worries enough already.", her voice was harsh and emotionless. Harry knew her well. She was trying to persuade herself that those things didn't matter. That she could deal with it alone but it usually ended in a disaster between the couple.  
"Haven't you learned from the fact that keeping things from him doesn't make it any easier?  
He cares a lot about you."  
"I know, that's why I don't want to unsettle him even more. I don't want to put pressure on him to feel obligated staying here and taking care of me. He's got a lot on his own plate."  
"Maybe, but maybe this is the complete wrong direction to go, Lisa. It's just a matter of time until he finds out anyway. You can't hide something like this."  
She leaned the back of her head against the wall again and exhaled loudly. Harry was right. She could neither hide this nor herself here at Fairfield. When things kept coming that frequently like they did the last days it was indeed just a matter of time when it would happen in his presence. Jack had the right to know. She just didn't want to cause more trouble in their relationship. They had gone through enough the entire last year and thinking about all the rough months was painful. She had never wanted this to happen. The accident at the race track should have never happened.  
"Take the rest of the evening off and get some sleep, alright? I will do the night checks.", with one soft wipe, Harry removed the single tear that had found its way across her cheek.  
Lisa smiled faintly but gratefully.  
"Thanks."

"Lose your reins a bit, Georgie. You don't want to hold on to him throughout the entire course. Yes, that's better. See how much longer his strikes get?", Amy called from the side of Briar Ridge's indoor riding arena. They were the only ones using it which made it easier to concentrate. Especially for Georgie who still needed to regain her self-confidence. Strange places still unsettled her a bit – after all that happened last time. Briar Ridge wasn't really the place to feel most comfortable at. Too many posh riders were watching with hawk eyes, particularly when an unfamiliar face was appearing in their narrow-minded world.  
However, it was already the second time both girls had come here to get back into shape. Georgie had urged Amy to give her another lesson today. After the long break she was really eager to make up the time they had lost and so far things looked pretty good.  
The jumps were a bit higher than the first time but it didn't seem to be a problem for the young rider and her grey horse.  
"Ok, now take your reins, count the strikes ...1-2-3 and ...Nice! Good job."  
Like a white bouncy ball Phoenix managed to easily jump over the obstacles – as if he had never done anything else.  
"Yeah, widen this corner there. You don't have to shortcut yet, just have fun jumping for now. ...good...count. Beautifully!" Amy was more than satisfied with what she saw and smiled proudly at her niece when she came over after the last jump. Georgie herself was beaming with joy.  
"Well done, Georgie."  
"I can't believe how much I missed this!", the young girl laughed and stopped the horse before losing the reins and patting him mindfully on the neck.  
"Yeah, Phoenix too. You look great out there! Seems like this break wasn't too bad after all, huh?", Amy winked but turned around when someone spoke up from behind.  
"Hello, you two."  
"Hi Val." Both girls nodded as the woman came closer, eyeing the horse with a mixed expression in her eyes.  
"I saw what you did there, Georgie. Impressive. Well, I wished you would have showed me this on Flame last time. You can still ride him."  
"No. No thanks, I've got my horse right here.", again her hand softly stroked the white hair on her horse's neck.  
"Fine. There is still room for you both in my team.", Val promptly offered which came a bit unexpected. Georgie looked at Amy, searching for help.  
"We will see. There is still enough time before a decision needs to be made."  
"Okay, but keep it in mind.", she addressed the rider now which caused Georgie to forcefully grin but dropping her eyes to avoid Val's pressuring gaze on her. Again Amy came to her rescue.  
"Why don't you cool off Phoenix already and we will meet outside at the trailer, okay?"  
With a relieved nod, Georgie turned the horse to walk him through the arena.  
"Listen Amy, since you are already here. I would like to return the favor for getting me out of this snow storm and staying at Heartland for the two days. I know Jack loves Rosalita's Saskatoon Berry Pie and I would like to come over and bring one. Maybe we could share it after another nice dinner?"  
Amy smiled, a bit amused by the invitation Val just gave herself.  
"Yeah, why not. I will run it by him."  
"That would mean a lot to me, thank you."


	24. Chapter 24

(Longer chapter ahead. Enjoy!)

Chapter 24

Right on the next day Heartland's dinner table was filled with all kind of food that Lou and Jack had prepared for the evening. Amy had passed on the news about Val's idea to come over and express her thanks with bringing Jack's favourite pie which now stood in the refrigerator and was saved for dessert.  
The lively talking in the living-room filled the house with unusual noise. The whole family had come together and was seated at their usual chairs around the table. Val Stanton was the only visitor and had taken the empty chair to Jack's left. Even though it bothered him a bit that Lisa wasn't sitting there, he knew that it would have looked a bit moronically to refuse his friend to sit there. Lisa wasn't coming anyway. In fact she hadn't been here for more than two weeks and Jack had to admit that he slowly got used to the situation – as much as he hated it tough.  
So, Val was now sitting on his wife's spot, especially since the chair to Tim's left was the only one unoccupied and Jack didn't like to put his visitors on the other end of the table and especially next to his ex son-in-law who mostly was a bit annoying in his table manners.  
After the welcome in the kitchen and the opening of the buffet, the conversation quickly evolved around Georgie's jumping lesson that Val had witnessed yesterday. Even though the teenage girl wasn't too fond of praising her own ability of jumping, Val went on and on about how impressed she had been.  
"It's a shame that you don't want to ride on of my horses. You could get much faster to your destination than with Phoenix.", she still tried to persuade Georgie to join her team. Jack noticed that the girls went out of arguments to tell Val that there is no need to adhere to the idea to get the young rider on her side, so he decided to jump in.  
"Being loyal to those that you have gone through the good and the bad times of your life with isn't a bad thing, Val."  
"Are you talking about yourself?", she asked bluntly but everyone got the meaning behind her words and looked surreptitiously at one another.  
"I can't say that I am regretting the decisions I have made in my life and when Georgie decides to keep riding Phoenix that would be her choice then, wouldn't it?"  
Val didn't know what to respond to Jack's deep words of wisdom and snorted funnily through her nose, making clear that she didn't agree on the topic. Amy however nodded gratefully at her grandfather but was quickly distracted by a sudden noise that was coming from behind.  
"Hey! Am I too late for dinner?", a familiar voice appeared somewhere near the entrance hall and everyone went silent and looked up. They hadn't heard anybody coming in but the next moment Lisa stepped around the corner and appeared in the kitchen. A smile was set upon her lips when her eyes immediately connected with those of her husband and spread not only surprise but also the greatest joy within him.  
"Lisa!", Jack called, responding with the same wide smile. He hadn't expect her at all today. Usually she would give a call before coming over, but this must have been a planned surprise which it certainly was.  
Lisa made her way slowly closer. Jack knew that she was still having a hard time walking and had to hold on to something every now and then but noticed a difference today. It was hard to figure out what it was that he didn't like but with the chair scratching over the wooden floor, Jack quickly rose to give her a hand and steady her where she stood. As soon as their hands entwined, she leaned against his side.  
"Hi.", she beamed up at him but suddenly the smile faded into a frown as she looked into the greeting and welcoming round of her family and noticed the unusual visitor on the other side of the dining table.  
"Hi Lisa,", Val said briefly with an ambiguous grin on her lips.  
"Val.", Lisa just nodded. The confusion was drawn in an even deeper frown on her face but before she could react in any other way, Jack's hand was already on her back.  
"Come have a seat-", he pointed at her usual chair next to him which however was already taken.  
"Here, this one is still empty.", Ty said and pulled the chair to his right back while Amy got up to rush into the kitchen: "I will get you a plate."  
"Thanks, hon'."  
Without help Lisa stepped around and sat down, still smiling of necessity, but with a puzzled expression in her eyes. Somehow she got the feeling to have interrupted something very privately, that she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. As if she didn't fit into this gathering. Maybe a call would have been the better option than to take on Harry's spontaneously idea to drive her to Heartland and spend some time with her family. Even when it was just for one night. She had taken on that offer gratefully, had been looking forward to surprise them, to surprise Jack, but now she got the impression that it hadn't been such a good idea after all. How could she have known that Val Stanton was here?  
Lou looked at her sympathetically from the other side of the table. When Jack sat back down, Lisa noticed the unfamiliar distance. In all those years, all this time she had been in this family, she had never been sitting here. It felt quite strange but Lisa hid those thoughts by taking a slice of bread from the basket.  
Tim looked somewhat amused at the old cowboy who didn't miss his mocking grin and silently shot a furious glance back which caused Tim to chuckle a bit while drawing his attention back to the food on his plate.  
"So Lisa, you are back at Fairfield full time now?", Val broke the silence and made her look up and across the table.  
"Yeah.", for a split of a second she exchanged a look with her husband before turning back to the woman beside him, "Unfortunately, I am."  
"I can tell because I haven't seen you a lot around here these days." Her words were as clear as her gaze that put Lisa off guard. With risen eyebrows and an half-open mouth she was lost for words, not knowing what to response to a comment that sounded as if it wasn't the first time Val Stanton came over for the Heartland's dinners.  
Everyone was now avoiding any eye contact with the other and pretended to be busy eating.  
Even Jack seemed to hold his breath.  
"Lou, this sauce is fantastic! What did you put in there?", Amy changed the topic while Lisa was still stupefied by Val's blunt comment and tried to figure out what was going on.  
"Yeah what did you put in there, Lou?", Tim repeated but more to make fun of the whole scene. It was obvious that he was having the best time of his life right now, enjoying Jack's awkward moment with the two women at the same table.  
"It's some kind of new curry flavor we use at Maggie's in New York. They are all crazy about it.", Lou said quickly, still eyeing Lisa from the side.  
"Yeah it's good.", Georgie admitted but Amy quickly drew the plate from Lyndy to scratch off the hot curry-sauce and gave her more of the cooked vegetables instead. The little girl didn't like this kind of trade and started to oppose by whinging and pushing the plate to the edge of her high chair.  
"Oh sweetie, these are much better for you. Look.", Amy tried to calm her down but Lyndy wasn't convinced. It was unusual for the rather quiet girl to throw a tantrum.  
The noise finally distracted everyone and Amy took the opportunity to excuse herself from the table and take her daughter outside.  
"How is it going over there in New York?", Val started the conversation again, luckily this time addressing Lou.  
"Oh it's great! Maggie's is really coming along."  
And so the rest of the dinner conversation was evolving around Lou's diner in the States and her plans to open up another one in California.  
Lisa was listening only with one ear. Lost in thoughts she dug through her meal without eating it. The appetite was gone and the annoyance of Val Stanton's presence huge. Where did she come from all of a sudden? According to reports Lisa remembered that Georgie had been riding one of her horses but was quickly replaced by another rider when Val was no longer satisfied with the teenage girl. Georgie was back training with her horse Phoenix and won an important competition. Of course, Val Stanton was back now, but Lisa couldn't help thinking that this wasn't the only reason why that woman was just now sitting next to Jack, laughing, slapping him playfully on the arm and enjoying herself as if she had been here all this time.  
The distance to her husband was getting painful now and so she kept her eyes down, not able to look across the table another time.

When dinner was done and the table cleaned up the group of people moved to sit around the coffee table. Hot drinks and Val's Saskatoon Berry Pie were served which made Lisa wonder what kind of ceremony they were celebrating this evening. After all it's been years since Val brought Jack's favourite pie last time - this Lisa remembered clearly.  
The fire was crackling in its usual spot behind the screens and Val invited herself to stay for only one cup of tea but unfortunately already held a second one in her hands, still talking lively and chatting about past times Lisa could only half remember. Besides, she remained silent for most of the evening, wishing that woman would just go or Jack would have the heart to send her home. However, with those past time stories Val got Jack's full attention, He loved to dig through old memories and Tim was no help whatsoever. He also stayed for a bit longer when the girls already left for their rooms and Lyndy needed to be put to bed.  
Jack was sitting on his arm chair, Lisa next to Val on the sofa and Tim on the other arm chair which however was empty soon when he left for home.  
It was just the three of them now but Lisa could also have stayed at Fairfield. There she would have felt the same way. Maybe somewhat better than to watch the woman beside her toadying her way in more and more. As always Jack didn't notice and gave Val the attention she was looking for. Everything on her was annoying, Lisa thought and closed her eyes for a moment, trying hard to escape the situation for a blink of an eye and hoping it was just a bad dream. Yet, nothing had changed when she opened them up again.  
Harry had almost convinced her to speak to Jack about the problem she was dealing with. The problem of walking. Lisa had to admit that the thought of getting this burden off her shoulders felt relieving. Maybe it indeed was the right decision to let Jack know, to share the recent difficulties of her life with him. It's what married people do. Should do.  
However, Lisa diverged more and more from this intention now that she was sitting here. It wasn't the right time and she was too tired now than to have a worried discussion about her health. It was best to keep it to herself for a bit longer.  
It was half past ten and the fire in the fireplace almost down when Val finally announced to drive back home. She had really forgotten what time it was she said and Lisa strongly doubted it. It had been hard to stay awake the entire time and to pretend as if she was interested in the conversation. The long days of work had tired her out and she was just longing for some rest and peace. Additionally, the long separation to Jack caused a desperate desire to sink into his arms and to feel him close against her but despite being in the same room the distance was still lingering between them. Val was like a wall that kept them apart for the whole time she was here.  
"Bye Lisa, hope to see you around more.", Val said and winked at her, breaking her thoughts.  
"Have a safe drive home." Lisa responded and exhaled loudly when Val finally made her way to the door. Jack accompanied her outside after giving Lisa's shoulder a quick squeeze as he passed the sofa.  
The sudden quietness in the house was soothing and the emptiness relieving. Again Lisa closed her eyes, this time to enjoy the absence of Val Stanton.  
The soft steps of Jack's socks on the floor came closer again when he walked back into the living room.  
"Well", he rounded the sofa, "I know someone in this room who has been very quiet tonight." he added when taking a seat and intentionally let his legs brush against hers, finally sitting close against her side.  
"Yeah.", was the only response that was followed by a sigh before Lisa gave in the strong urge to grab his hand and pull it onto her lap.  
They sat in silence for a moment. His thumb stroked the back of her hand softly. The quietness however started to worry him again.  
"Anything going on at Fairfield?"  
"No, no everything is good there, but...it's just-"  
"What?"  
"It's just, it's been such long weeks-"  
"I know."  
"And I thought I'd come home for tonight to ... to just you and the family. I guess part of me didn't expect Val Stanton to be here.", she finally admitted and made him look up with a risen eyebrow and an almost unnoticeable smile on his lips which however disappeared quickly. Of course, Jack knew what was bothering his wife.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were coming home today otherwise I would have told you."  
"Of course, next time I have this crazy idea I will give you notice beforehand so you can make all the necessary arrangements.", she said sharply and let go of his hand which however stayed on her thigh and squeezed it softly.  
"Lis." a warning tone resonated in his voice and he tilt his head. He knew exactly what she was trying to say. Val Stanton had never belonged to the people Lisa liked having around and of course there was a reason to it. A reason Jack thought they had left behind years ago.  
"Sorry. It's ...I'm just exhausted..."  
By the pitch of her voice he knew that she wasn't done talking, so he waited.  
"Jack, she spent the entire evening with us, acting as if she has never been gone and on top of that stayed till half past ten! I thought you weren't in good terms with her after Georgie winning the fall finale... And what was this comment at the table about? It sounded as if it wasn't the first time she was here for dinner."  
"Well, uhm..."  
"Wait. Hold on.", she shifted to sit up right and face him."How often has she been here?"  
"Uhm, a couple times.", he mumbled already expecting the upcoming storm that was right now looking at him with wide eyes.  
"A couple times?! -  
Why?  
Why haven't you said anything?"  
"Well, I didn't know I had to."  
This put another quiet, this time uncomfortable moment between them but Jack didn't back up. Why should he have told her that Val had come over for dinner a few times? Why should he tell her that she stayed here for two days during the snow storm? Why should he? Val was a guest and a friend, nothing more. Jack got the impression his wife still didn't trust him in this. Was he such an untrustworthy man? Had he ever been reciprocating Val's ridiculous feelings for him? No, never. Not in those twenty years they had known each other and there was one simple reason for it. Two to be more precise. One he had been grieving for for a very long time and one sat in front of him at this very moment. Why did Lisa still not understand that there was nothing to be afraid about. She was his decision to stay loyal to throughout his life.  
Obviously, he had to prove this yet another time. She didn't look too happy right now.  
"You...I...no, of course you don't." with that she forcefully put the empty mug down and got up to push past him.  
"Where are you going?", he asked confused.  
"To bed. I am really tired and it's going to be another long day tomorrow." her words were as sharp as a knife. She stopped at the door and turned around.  
"Oh, could you give me a ride in the morning?", she really wished she had a different option than to ask him every time. The oppressive feeling of relying on others so much really annoyed her. She needed her freedom back as soon as possible.  
"Yes, sure but-"  
"Thanks." and with that she vanished into the darkness of the bedroom, leaving him sitting on the couch starring after her with a perplexed expression. It was clear that there was no further talking planned and Jack wasn't even sure if he was welcomed in his own bedroom tonight.


	25. Chapter 25

(I know it's such a short chapter, but I really didn't want to let you wait till I get the other part done. So here it is. Sorry that I put Lisa through so much pain. Love her, though!  
Very glad that you guys seem to enjoy the story!)

Chapter 25

Another of those forms that was written in English but came with a French address lay on top of the office table in front of her. It was the second time that Lisa couldn't quite figure out why Dan calculated such low numbers for Fairfield's business branch in France. She had expected to see more. After all those request she got from her French clients over the last months while she had been recovering after the accident, Lisa had expected to get more interest now that she was back. The French people had always liked her. Not only as a person but also how pleasantly she was to do business with. Selling and breeding horses in France had been an important part of her operation. A few races on French ground had also been successful and added to her European repetition. However, according to the recent paper the familiar names of people that she used to sell or loan horses to had rapidly dropped.  
Since the French sector was now Dan's responsibility and they started that Canadian-European partnership, it was definitely time to call her ex-husband and find out what he got up to.  
With the phone on her ear and her eyes still set on the form, Lisa was waiting for Dan to take on the call. Usually it took a bit longer. Not only because she dialed a French number but also because he liked to let her wait.  
"Hello Lisa. Do you have any idea what time it is."  
Of course, she didn't think of the time difference but she couldn't care less.  
"I don't care what time you are living in. I just want to know what you are doing over there?!", she came out right away, not spending more time on him than it was necessary.  
"I figure you got my mail then."  
"Yeah, I've got one right here.", she said and flicked through the papers. "How come that most of my clients have disappeared from the contact paper?!"  
"Your clients? I thought France was my responsibility now."  
"You know what I mean."  
"Well, I guess they found something more reliable. You have to admit that the party didn't really go on over here while you were resting at home."  
Lisa didn't even bother to tell him that she had been anything but resting during those months of convalescence. Dealing with the aftermath of the accident and the depression had been the worst time of her life, but of course Dan wouldn't understand. He would even expect others to work when they were missing a limp. As long as he wasn't the one that suffered from a flue that almost killed him every time. So, she just rolled her eyes and went on.  
"So, where are they now?"  
"Oh, here and there but most of them have switched to Brookland Stables.", he let slip nonchalant and Lisa forgot to breath for a moment. He couldn't be serious!  
"What?! You can't just take all the contacts Fairfield has in France! We need this money to keep the lights on here!"  
"We? You. My only responsibility is the French part and you said I could do whatever I want. Besides, I am not the reason they left."  
"What is it then?"  
"You."  
No hesitation, no prudence to her feelings. Only sheer accusation.  
'You', this word repeated itself over and over in her head and hurt more and more every time it came up.  
When she didn't respond he carried on: "They heard about what happened and that you are still not able to cope with a heavy workload, so well, they did what everybody of us would do – find a new contact point. One they can actually work with."  
This sounded much more as if Dan had told them about her health status and made sure to put much more drama into it than she would have ever liked to get out into public.  
"Oh, okay, sure. It's me. C'mon Dan, don't tell me you haven't planned this all along. ... wow...I really get it now...that's not what we have agreed on, remember? You win the laurels and leave me here with nothing."  
"You know what, I have done enough for you and your business and you were the one leaving me with nothing in return. So it was the least I could do for myself."  
"You are such a selfish idiot, Dan.", and with this said or rather shouted she hung up and dashed the phone with full force against the wall where it shattered into pieces and fell to the ground.  
Instead of breaking down, Lisa just sat motionless behind the massive table. The lines of her face were pale and expressionless, her breathing fast and short.  
This was it. She was done. There was no chance of keeping Fairfield going. Dan had done a good job while he was here. Fairfield had come back from the downfall but due to his excellent work over here, Dan's reputation rose and so he won more clients for his own business operation. After he had left his temporary position at Fairfield, most people changed business purposes to his place. She was trying to keep them but had to admit that she wasn't Dan. She was just Lisa Stillman, a woman that was still dealing with the things the accident had left on her. He was right, she wasn't as capable as she used to be. So, the promising contacts in France had been her only hope to cover most of the things while she tried to get her reputation back here. Now that this had been lost, too Fairfield's end was doomed. Her end was doomed.  
There were just too many things going on that Lisa couldn't deal with anymore. She was not only collapsing physically now but also mentally.


	26. Chapter 26

(I was pondering if I should have added the other part I am writing on right now but came to the decision to give you the first one now with chapter 26 and (try) to upload the other one tomorrow with ch27. Means two shorter chapters that takes us closer to where I want this story to go. So stick around!  
Furthermore, I am trying to get done as much as possible since I am back to work next week which in the worst case means no updates on this story till christmas... x( )

Chapter 26 

It was Harry who had found her still sitting motionless in her office. He had been looking for her but was shocked yet another time by the dreadful sight of her pitiful look.  
Frozen. Pale. Vacant.  
Something bad happened, the old man was sure.  
Lisa hadn't been responsive to all the desperate attempts to make her wake up. It even seemed as if she didn't notice him standing in the same room and shaking her shoulder. The bizarre look in her eyes scared the heck out of him.  
The broken phone on the ground and the form on the desk gave him an idea about what had put her in a state like this. The thought of calling someone or to drive her to the hospital crossed his mind when she finally started to speak.  
The full story and the sound of her faltering voice had given him the chills. Dan Hartfield had brought so much pain to her over the years that Harry really disliked this man. The recent happenings didn't really surprise him. However, instead of sharing Lisa's emotional state of shock about Fairfield's future Harry calmed her down, told her that they would find a solution, but not today.  
He had recommended to take some time off and get away from here, but she had insisted to stay. Not even the urge to call Jack and ask him to stay with her at Fairfield had convinced her.  
Harry was worried.  
A lot.  
She needed help but he couldn't pressure her into something. Lisa was trying to stay as strong as ever, even though it meant to put herself through so much pain. So much loneliness. He was wondering how much more she could take.

Life had really been going up and down lately. More down than up, Jack had to admit while he was sitting at the kitchen table over a cup of coffee and read the newspaper. The rare noise of the radio was quietly running in the background.  
With the glasses on his nose the cowboy turned yet another page but still didn't get his mind to focus on the article. From the corner of his eyes he was giving the phone on the table another short glance which was accompanied with the thought to call her again. Yet, the result was obvious already. She wouldn't pick up anyway. Not after he had called her at least three times a day and she took the call two of these three times and told him on the second one to stop worrying and stop calling.  
Well, at least Lisa wasn't avoiding him after the encounter with Val. Yes, she was a bit upset but he tried to talk to her and set things right. Yet, the drop off at Fairfield the next morning had been hard for him. Seeing her silhouette slowly disappearing in the rear few mirror of his truck hurt. So many things seemed to lay unspoken between them lately but making her speak to him wasn't particularly easy these days. She was so withdrawn that it strongly reminded him of the depression that had blustered through their lives. There had been a time when Jack used to fight for her but somehow and due to their separation he had lost track of the moments when fighting was needed. He couldn't estimate anymore when to fight and when to just let her go.  
Since that day he barely got to see her. He offered a few times to come around and stay with her at Fairfield but she was turning him down every time. Something was going on and she wasn't telling him. Again.  
In addition to that, Val seemed to have totally lost the decent feeling when it was a good time to visit and when not. She appeared on his property almost every day and Jack kind of already regretted saving her the other day from the snow storm and having her stay at Heartland until it was over. Everyone seemed to be annoyed of her daily visits. Even Jack who however was distracted in his course of thoughts.  
The music in the background had suddenly stopped and was replaced by a serious sounding voice of the reporter.  
" _A new upcoming snow storm is gonna hit the Calgary area by the end of the week and continues further south. ... We expect heavy snow fall with-"  
_ "Grandpa? Can I talk to you?", Lou peeked around the corner and interrupted the unsettling weather forecast that had drawn Jack's attention.  
He looked up now and put his glasses and the newspaper down.  
"Sure." he said and Lou came in to stand on the other side of the table. The expression on her face didn't promise anything good.  
"I really don't want to get involved and Amy tells me to not say anything but ...it really worries me...and..."  
This sounded a lot like one of those special Lou-talks and Jack braced himself.  
"Come to the point, Lou."  
"Do you think having Val coming over so much is a good idea?  
I mean she practically lives here ..."  
Of course, this topic would have come up sooner or later.  
"What are you getting at? I'm hardly the one that invites her."  
"But you could say no for once. Georgie is already feeling utterly uncomfortable to train at Briar Ridge. Val seems to watch every time she is there. "  
"It is her place. I can't tell her who to watch and who not"  
"No, of course you can't and that's not what I mean, grandpa. But letting her come over nearly every day is something you could easily prevent. It is enough already that she keeps on pestering Georgie to join her team. Georgie really doesn't need this pressure here, too."  
Jack sighed. To tell Val Stanton off wasn't exactly the most enjoyable thing to do. This woman got a sharp tongue and he hated to get into a fight with her.  
"And what about Lisa?"  
By the unexpected sound of her name, he listened up again, his eyes narrow now and scrutinizing his granddaughter's motives.  
"What about her?"  
"Where is she? How is she? Why isn't she here?"  
"She's got many things to do.", he tried to equivocate on the topic but knew Lou wouldn't back down.  
"So?"  
"So...it's hard to convince her. Tells me every time that she can't come because there is too much to do.", Jack swallowed, "I don't know, Lou. I can't reach out to her these days. Something is going on and she won't tell me."  
"What keeps you from bringing her home?", she simply asked, referring to her grandfather's stubbornness.  
Jack had no answer to this and remained silent.  
"Did it ever cross your mind that she had never wanted to go back to Fairfield? That she did it just for you? And now she is so caught up in it. She probably doesn't want to disappoint you."  
He remembered the conversation a couple months ago. About her will. Her wish that Georgie would take on Fairfield Stables one day. Her wish to stay with him and the family. To retire. Of course Lou had no knowledge of this conversation. She didn't know that he was against it. That he didn't let her and insisted that she would get back to work. To her old life. But what if Lou was right? Lisa returned for his sake. Because he wanted her to. But why? Why was it so hard for him to respect her wish to leave Fairfield? What if he pushed her into it just because of his damn fear about change. He hated change and the terrible incident at the race track had brought a lot of it. Changes he could hardly deal with. He had been trying so hard to get their old lives back, to get everything back to normal, but he hadn't realized until now that this time would never return. The accident happened. Their prior lives lay in the past and with the terrible outcome of the accident life would never be the same again. He should start accepting it because if he couldn't accept the change now he's gonna have a much bigger one soon. A life without her.  
"Go get her, Grandpa.", Lou looked at him insistently.


	27. Chapter 27

(Oh you guys, I was trying hard to get this chapter done today so I can upload today. I am not really satisfied with it and feel that I could use a break from writing hahaha. So I won't make any promises when I will be able to upload the next chapter. I will try my best!)

Chapter 27

Jack didn't lose any more time. After Lou had urged him to drive to Fairfield and take Lisa home, he had dropped everything, snapped the car keys and hit the road.  
The same bad weather forecast was blaring on every radio station and even though he was surprised that another storm was rolling in, Jack was glad to have the chance to get Lisa home before they would sink into new layers of snow again.  
The streets were clear on this sunny Thursday morning and Jack got through well which would get him even faster to Fairfield than he was already driving. It was just hard to believe that this sunny day would soon change into a cloud-covered sky that was pouring endless snow to the ground. The worst part was the strong wind. Jack had never liked the freezing wind that was coming with the snow storm and already pictured the days that were going to be spend in the ranch house. This time hopefully without Val staying as a guest for two days.  
When getting off his truck on Fairfield's parking lot, Jack looked around, hoping he would find Lisa outside already. However, the main yard was unusually deserted. No horses were in the paddocks and no one to be seen anywhere. Jack remembered a time when the parking lot was full of expensive cars – Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche, Rolls-Royce and more Jack didn't even know how to pronounce. But now his old beige truck was the only vehicle decorating the gravel yard.  
With wondering thoughts, Jack made his way towards the stable building, aiming for the office. It was about eleven o'clock in the morning. Lisa was probably hanging on the phone or doing some kind of office work, Jack hardly understood.  
He was just walking across the main yard when a voice called him from behind and made him turn around.  
"Hi Jack.", Harry was just driving an empty wheelbarrow into the same direction Jack was heading. "Harry, good to see you.", he greeted the man with a hand shake. Harry had become a good friend over the years even tough it was weird in the beginning. They were about the same age. Whereas Harry was more like a father to Lisa, Jack was the one dating her. Whenever they met, Jack got reminded of the huge age gap between him and Lisa. It reminded him of their differences and that he was too old for a woman in her end thirties. Yet, Harry quickly realized what Lisa saw in the old cowboy and he had to agree that Jack was the right choice she had made for herself. Especially after that failed marriage to Dan Harfield, Harry was glad that Lisa had found someone she could trust again. This trust hadn't failed throughout all those years. Although the relationship had its rough times the couple always pulled together in the end. Hopefully this time was no exception.  
"Are you here to see Lisa?"  
"Yeah, any idea where I can find her?"  
"She is in the house.", Harry said and decided to keep quiet about the fact that Lisa was there after having another fall due to the lack of feeling in her legs. This time the fall hadn't ended that well. He was there when it happened but couldn't prevent her from hitting her head against the frame of the office door. It happened so fast and he was walking in front of her when exiting the office. The outcome of the incident could have been much worse. There was only a superficial wound on her forehead, yet Harry still imposed that she was immediately going back to the house and finally get some rest. He begged her to call Jack and tell him. Maybe she did follow his order this time.  
"Uhm Harry", somewhat lost in thoughts Jack absentmindedly scratched his jaw and stepped closer. "Yes?"  
"Is there anything I should know? About Lisa?"  
Harry saw the deeply concerned look in the gray eyes of the cowboy that however lay in the shadow that his hat drew across his face.  
The thought that Lisa had called Jack was disappearing into thin air. Of course she didn't. Jack still had no idea about all the problems but Harry wasn't the right one to fill him in. He made a promise to keep his mouth shut about it.  
"I don't want to get involved but please find some time to talk to her, okay?", Harry only said.  
"Why do you say it like this? What's going on?"  
"Please, Jack. Take her to Heartland. Get some time to yourselves and talk. I can't say anything else right now. But she definitely needs a break from everything that's going on here."  
Harry's answer didn't satisfy him. It didn't calm him down. No. It was disturbing now. It sounded much worse than Jack had imagined.  
He only nodded, turned and hurried towards the main house. The thoughts in his head were going wild now. Too many questions and no answers.  
Why on earth had he pushed her into all of this. Why and moreover when had he lost track of her?  
The three steps to the door where taken in one stride.  
Although he was having a key to her house, Jack decided that it was more appropriate to knock. He didn't want to startle her by just appearing in her doorway.  
It took a while until the door opened and his heart was almost jumping out his chest.  
As soon as she recognized him, her face was drawn into a frown. Yeah, this time it was him doing the surprise visit.  
"Hi.", Jack said and slightly nodded. Lisa opened the door to its fullest now and with the light hitting her face, Jack saw something red shimmering on her forehead. On the bridge to her hairline, almost hidden underneath a few strands of hair he could see a graze. By its light reddish tone it looked pretty new. Seeing this didn't really add to the calmness he was lacking already.  
"What happened?"  
"Oh nothing. Just one of the horses.", this poor explanation came almost too quick and didn't convince him at all. He was searching for words.  
"Don't worry. I am fine...", she said almost annoyed, turned to walk back into the house but left the door open for him. He immediately followed.  
The inside of the house looked a bit messed up. Jack knew that she usually was keeping her home tidy, but this hadn't been successful. A lot of evidence of her lack of spare time was visible throughout the house and Jack felt even worse for what he had left her alone with over here.  
"What are you doing here?" By the way Lisa was walking through the kitchen and cleaning up a few things, Jack knew she was avoiding him again or rather the topic that needed to be talked about. Whatever she was holding from him. Her secret.  
Plates and cups found their way into the dishwasher, clean pans and bowls into the cabinets. A few leftovers were put either in the fridge or into the garbage can and an unopened package of spaghetti was brought back into the pantry.  
"I came to pick you up.", Jack responded. With his hands in his pockets he stood next to the kitchen table and followed the back and forth of his wife with his eyes, wished she would just stop for a minute.  
"What are you talking about? Is there an appointment scheduled for today?", she said still not looking up while wiping off the top of the kitchen counter with a sponge.  
"No, I want to take you home."  
This finally caught her attention.  
"Jack, I already told you. I've got my hands full here with things that need to be done. There is no time- And have you heard what they say on the weather channel? ", her hands gesticulated wildly through the air.  
"That's why I want you to stay with us before it's getting impossible again to get you out of here."  
"I can't. When this storm is coming in like last time, I need to stay."  
He had heard these excuses by far too often now. There needed to be an end. This end was right here. Jack would make sure that she was sitting in his truck when driving home.  
"Harry is having everything under control. He wants you to take a break."  
The movements of the sponge on the marble top stopped again.  
"Harry? You talked to Harry?" The expression in her eyes had suddenly changed from determined to troubled and Jack knew that he had triggered the right button.  
"... Did he say anything else?"  
"What about?", he pushed her but with a shaking head Lisa started to proceed with the maniac-like clean up procedure and collected some magazines that lay around.  
"I can't just leave-"  
When she passed him, he jumped forward and grabbed her arm, to make her stop and look at him.  
"What should he have told me?"  
They looked at each other for a long moment, but again Lisa just shook her head and turned her eyes away from him. Her behavior was driving him mad. The urge to shake her and get those words out her mouth was really hard to resist now that his hands lay on her arms but Jack inhaled deeply, trying to bring himself to terms. He wasn't like that. He wouldn't use violence just to get what he needed. He was smarter than that. Besides, it was useless to put more pressure on her now. He had to find another way. Another time maybe.  
"Please come home, Lisa. I'm missing you. We all miss you." the soft tone in his voice and his honest looking eyes seemed to finally change her mind. She was finally giving in now. Jack could feel her shoulders dropping underneath his palms.  
"Fine. Alright."  
The smile on his lips couldn't have been any wider.  
"I just need to pack a few things."  
"No hurry. Take your time."

(Thank you for all your support and great freedback!)


	28. Chapter 28

(So, since I am back to work and I can hardy find any time for writing, I will have to continue with the shorter chapter version to give you at least something every now and then! I was planning to write more and I already partly did, but thing is it would just take forever until I get all of it done. So, I decided to split it into shorter chapters so you haves something to read. Hope you understand. Sorry :/ )

Chapter 28

It had been quiet in the house all day.  
No one would have thought that there was one person more under the roof of the Heartland family. Even though Lisa was back since midday nobody except for Jack had seen her. Lou even asked if he had returned from Fairfield alone but Jack shook his had and pointed towards the bedroom.  
He had already noticed on the drive how tired she really was since they only shared a ripped conversation in which he was the one doing the talking and filled her in about the things that where going on at Heartland. Right after stepping through the door of the house, Lisa had excused herself and went for their room. That's where she had been ever since. Jack had carefully checked on her around four o'clock when he himself came in for a cup of hot tea and a short break before heading off to meet Mitch and feed the cows for the evening. The shut curtains in the bedroom dimmed the light, but Jack still saw that his wife was fast asleep. So, he quietly closed the door again and continued with his work.  
Around six Lou prepared some dinner. Since Katie was at Peter's parents it was even quieter in the house. Usually the girl would run through the rooms, either alone or with Remi in tow and play "catch the pony", where dog took on the role of the pony.  
Jack just had come in and took off his jacket and boots in the entry hall. His nose and cheek were red from the cold outside. The sun had disappeared quickly behind a ceiling of clouds that started to bring the first snow of the oncoming storm. Luckily the wind was long in coming and gave them the opportunity to secure windows and doors and everything that was loose. Jack still wasn't sure how bad the storm would be. It was unusual to have another one this time of the year, but the weather changed quickly outside the cities and especially in thee rural areas, so everything was possible. Yet, he was glad when snow was the only thing they had to deal with over the weekend.  
The cowboy put his hat on the rack and entered the kitchen. The delicious smell of lasagna was filling the room.  
"Oh Lou, are you making Heartland's favourite meal?", he smiled and looked over her shoulder while she was standing in front of the stove.  
"I am." She was stirring cheese sauce in a saucepan. "Dinner is ready in about half an hour."  
"Good. Gives me time to get changed and warmed up. I am not sure about that snow storm. Either we get nothing or all of it."  
"We will see. There is nothing we can do about it anyway.", the young woman shrugged her shoulders and Jack had to agree with her.  
It was still very quiet inside and Jack looked around, expecting to see the others, but the living-room was empty. Only the fire that he had put on this morning to keep the house warm, was still going.  
"Are Amy and Georgie still jumping?", Jack asked a bit puzzled. He knew that they had planned to drive over to Briar Ridge this afternoon but had expected them to be back already.  
Lou nodded. "Yeah, but they should be home soon."  
"Good, I will just get cleaned up."  
"Okay."  
On his way through the kitchen, Jack stopped and looked back at his granddaughter one more time. It came back to his mind that Lou was not at all alone in the house. He almost forgot that Lisa was back. It was terrifying how much he already got used to their separated situation. It was an adjustment now that she was back, and especially since he didn't quite know how to treat or to deal with her.  
"Uhm Lou? Is she awake?"  
By the expression on her face, Jack knew that he could have saved his breath.  
"Haven't seen her, grandpa. She must still be in your bedroom."  
A murmur followed the cowboy as he turned around and walked through the living room.

Jack cautiously opened the door and stepped half through it, to check the situation first. Despite his expectations to find her still asleep, the bedside lamp was switched on and put the room into a warm light. Lisa was sitting on the bed, her back leaned against the headrest and she was reading the equine magazine that had been laying on her nightstand for weeks.  
She looked up when the door opened and her husband came in.  
"Hi.", Jack greeted her softly and swung the door back, so it stood ajar and gave them a bit more privacy.  
"Hey.", she put the magazine down on her lap which was a good sign to him and he stepped closer.  
"How do you feel?", now that he stood closer to the bed he could see her better in the dim light. The previous loose hair had been tied together in a slightly messy ponytail. Besides that she was still wearing the clothes she had been coming with, yet put on a dark blue cardigan to keep her warm while sitting in the slightly cool room. It wasn't cold in here but it wasn't warm either and Jack wondered why Lisa hadn't went into the living-room and sit by the fire. Jack had never liked to heat up his bedroom. A thick duvet and the body heat from the other were usually enough to stay warm during the nights. Lisa never complained and even now she didn't look cold but rather still very tired. The subtle shadow around her eyes were still visible. Yet, he could see those familiar lines on her face that tried to hid the truth from him.  
"Good, why?", her voice matched her attempt to cover the feelings.  
"Well, you have been sleeping since we arrived. I was kind of worried."  
The last word must have triggered something in her since Jack saw a slight twitch in her eyes and her body tensing up.  
"Sorry. Guess, I was just all knocked out."  
"Well, that says a lot about how exhausted you must be.", he said sympathetically and stepped around the bed to take a seat next to her. Yet, at the same time she put the magazine back on the little table and swung her legs over the edge to get up. The space between them was back in its usual distance.  
Not only physically...  
"I'm fine, Jack. There is nothing to it."  
Jack winced slightly to the hard tone in her voice and put the thought of having a deeper conversation to the back of his head quickly. Not the right time. Again.  
He chose to change the topic instead.  
"Lou is making Lasagna. It should be ready soon."  
"Okay, I will give her a hand."  
She left the room without looking at him another time.  
Jack still sat on the bed where she had abandoned him. Avoided him. Again.  
The concern for her was ripping him apart. Why hadn't she learned from the last time that she could tell him things? That he would listen and do everything in his power to help and support.  
However, everything seemed to repeat itself. The nightmare. The depression.  
No, it didn't repeat but it carried on. They had never really been over it.  
With Lisa's returned feelings in her legs and the ability to walk, also that she was back at Fairfield and work, Jack had easily assumed that everything was back to normal. Yeah, it still was hard at times, but he really believed that they had made it through. Through the nightmare and could work on proceeding with their lives.  
He had been so wrong. So damn wrong.  
Nothing was overcome and he had left her alone with all the burdens and problems. Of course, she couldn't deal with all at once. Not in her current state that was still so fragile although Lisa would never admit. The strong, independent woman that learned to deal with difficulties on her own. To make it through hard times on her own. She didn't depend on anyone although he wanted her to. He wanted her to share things with him. That she knew she could. That he was there for her.  
There needed to be a lot of clarification, but how could things be clarified when she kept avoiding him?  
Jack stood up and started to get changed while thinking about a way, a good time to make her open up to him. The night was still long.


	29. Chapter 29

(So, first of all - sorry that this chapter comes sooooo late. I have to say that next to work, I don't get much done concerning writing or other creative tasks. Now it's christmas break but again it took me so much time to get my foot back into this story and writing itself. Means that the fist part of this chapter is like sh** but I have the feeling that it's gotten a bit better in the second part of the chapter. I really didn't want to waste more time in optimizing because I don't want to let you wait any longer. So please excuse this chapter. Hope to get better next time!

Please also before you read, take some time to reread a bit of the last chapter so the gap of understanding things isn't too big.)

Chapter 29

When Jack stepped from his bedroom into the living-room, Lisa was starting to set the table. Lou was still in the kitchen, working on a side salad to go with the lasagna. It was still quiet in the house, so Jack figured that Amy and Georgie hadn't returned from Briar Ridge yet. Lou's way of cutting the vegetables indicated that she was getting a bit nervous about their absence. Jack knew better than to add to her worries and helped Lisa with the table instead. They didn't talk. She didn't look at him. They were moving around each other easily. He still wished she would say something, but after that conversation in their bedroom, he strongly doubted that she would start to say something at all.  
When Jack took the basked of bread from the kitchen table, someone knocked on the door outside.  
"I'll get it.", Jack said.  
He could see the source of the unexpected knock already through the screens of the door.  
"Val!", it escaped him surprised when he opened her.  
"Hi Jack. I thought I would join your granddaughters on the way home. I hope you don't mind. I brought us a bottle of wine. Maybe after dinner, huh?", she grinned and held the bottle up to show him. Jack swallowed, suddenly feeling a bit sick to the stomach. It was time to say no to her. With Lisa in the house and the already unstable situation between them, having Val for dinner wasn't a good idea at all. Besides, Jack finally needed to find some time to talk to his wife. The earlier, the better.  
"Val, I don't think it's a good-"  
"Oh don't be ridiculous.", she slapped him playfully on the chest, pushed past him and gave herself the permission to enter the house and join dinner.  
Jack closed his eyes for a moment, already imagining the second encounter between the two women inside. He considered to leave. Leave the house and avoiding the trouble tonight. But the same time he opened his eyes again, Amy and Georgie were making their way from the barn to the main building. The snow was falling stronger now than it did when he came in from work. The clouds hung very low, indicating much more snow for the night.  
When the girls took the steps up onto the porch, Jack confronted them immediately.  
"Amy!", he hissed and pointed back into the house, referring to the uninvited guest. Amy raised her hands in defence.  
"Sorry, I couldn't say no. After all she let's Georgie ride at Briar Ridge and she refuses to take on my payment."  
"She follows us like a vulture, Jack.", Georgie said with much annoyance.  
Of course she doesn't want their money, Jack thought, this gave her a reason to come over. As if the Heartland family would owe her something. The dinners were some kind of payment for her. He felt very uncomfortable with the thought that Lisa and Val were inside.  
Apparently Amy figured from his facial expression that today was the most inappropriate time to let Val come into the house. A frown displayed on the even lines of her young face.  
"What's wrong?"  
"I brought Lisa home this morning. She's inside and so far I haven't talked to her much yet."  
"Oh Grandpa! I didn't know."  
"It's not your fault.", he sighed.  
"You really should tell Val to go home."  
"It might be too late for that now."  
"Then you better don't let them wait any longer, grandpa.", Amy encouraged him and slipped into the house as well. Georgie followed her. Jack however still took a moment before shutting the door with a sigh and making his way back inside, bracing himself for whatever might happening this evening.  
"Hi Lisa! Good to have you over for dinner.", Amy's light voice was heard and when Jack stepped around his granddaughter he saw the three women were sitting lined up at the table. Luckily, Lisa had occupied her usual spot, so Val had taken the chair in the middle and Lou sat on her left. The brunette woman's eyes held one of those expressions on her face that told him more than usual what a big mistake it was to have Val over yet another time. The conversation about saying no to Val's own invitations popped up in his head but it was too late now anyway.  
"Yeah, your grandfather insisted.", Lisa responded with a particular emphasis and despite Jack's expectations, refused to meet his eyes. Val however did.  
"Oh, did he?", she asked with a dubious pitch in her voice.  
Luckily, Ty interrupted the moment as he came in with Lyndy on his arms. Amy was greeting the little girl enthusiastically who giggled under her mother's caresses before she was put into her high chair.  
"Let's eat.", Lou called out and started to load lasagna on everybody's plate while the rest of the family took a seat around the table.  
Despite the awkward circumstances, Jack had to admit to himself that it was nice to have the family back together. He was glad Tim wasn't there tough. This would spare him the snide looks and remarks. The evening would already going to be a disaster without him.  
"How is Katie?", Amy started the conversation since the little girl had been gone for a couple days now.  
"Oh, she is doing brilliant. No wonder, Archie and Grace are totally spoiling her.", Lou said and rolled her eyes slightly.  
"I'm sure she enjoys that.", Georgie laughed and made everyone smile. Everyone but Lisa who was digging through the food in front of her without eating. It was obvious that she wasn't following the conversation.  
"When is she coming back?"  
"Uhm, Peter wants to take her to Vancouver after. This brings me to the next point."  
Everyone listened up.  
"As long as the dude ranch business is still shut down for the winter and with Katie at Peters, I get a bit time to get some Maggie's business done."  
"You're going to New York again?", Jack asked who has never been a big fan of her travelling. He liked to have the family together.  
"Yes. Nicole is doing pretty much everything on her own over there."  
"When will you be leaving?", Georgie asked who as well didn't like her parents to be gone so often but got used to the situation over the time. Besides, she was a teenage girl that could handle things on her own pretty well and with Amy as a trainer, Georgie was in best hands anyway.  
"I booked a flight for Friday."  
"Must be exciting for you to travel that much.". Val joined the conversation.  
"Yes, it is but it's all business travels so there is hardly time for anything else."  
"How are things at Fairfield, Lisa?", Lou changed the topic and by the call of her name Lisa seemed to awake from her trance like state and looked up puzzled.  
"Sorry, what did you say?"  
"I just wanted to know how you are doing and if everything is good at Fairfield."  
"Oh yeah...yeah...I mean-"  
"Jack here told me, Dan is still working with you?", Val interrupted which almost gave the impression that she had been waiting for this conversation all along. Lisa acted slightly surprised by the course the talk made.  
"Well... he is in France currently."  
"So he's not working for Fairfield anymore."  
"No...I-"  
"He is kind of. They are running a partnership. Dan is taking care of Fairfield's French business.", Jack quickly jumped in when he noticed his wife's hesitation to explain the weird circumstances which she herself wasn't too fond of. Jack knew about her skepticism and he didn't like the idea either but it was the only way to maintain the European business of Fairfield Stables.  
Val right now seemed to have excepted anything else but what Jack just said.  
"Is that so? Sounds as if everything works out well after what happened.", she let slip and Jack braced himself for whatever might come from Lisa's side. Everyone looked at her.  
"Oh yeah, it does. It's fantastic. Never been better.", she responded this time with a fake smile on her lips. The sound in her voice was more than ironically and cut deeply through the thick air and through Jack's gut. Life had been anything but fantastic these days and he was dying to know the reason for all this heartache.  
"Too bad your work cuts off the time you could spend with your family though.", Val went on, triggering this sensitive spot on purpose.  
Lisa turned her head now and looked at the woman beside her with narrow eyes before she found some words to say.  
"What are you getting at, Val?"  
"Does anybody want wine?", Jack interrupted quickly and jumped up to rush into the kitchen.  
"That's an excellent idea! Grab the bottle that I brought.", Val called after him and a moment later Jack stepped back at the table and opened the bottle. Form the corner of his eye, he dared a few looks at Lisa. He didn't like the way she sat there as if she wished to be anywhere else but here in this room and Jack came the thought that maybe it hadn't been a good idea to take her home. They should have stayed at her place. That way they would probably have already talked things out by now and Jack would have known the problems she was dealing with. But it wasn't like that. They were stuck here, with no privacy whatsoever. Jack started to feel sorry.  
"I mean, I will probably head home after dinner anyway.", Val went on talking and ripped him from his thoughts while he was filling the glasses and suddenly felt some kind of relief running through his body.  
"The weather didn't look too good earlier.", she added.  
"Right, seems like the storm is coming in after all.", he confirmed and sat back down.  
"I hope it doesn't get as bad as the last one.", Georgie moaned.  
"So do I. I better don't get stuck with the car again and call you to pull me out.", Val laughed lightly by the memory of the incident. "Although I really enjoyed your company for the two days you kindly let me stay here. I have never slept on a more comfortable bed.", she added, winked at Jack and raised her glass of wine towards him.  
The same time those words left Val's lips, Lisa started to choke. She quickly rose a hand to cover her mouth and swallow the next coughs.  
"Are you okay?", Val chuckled surprised and with amusement which however wasn't shared by the rest of the family. Worried and uncomfortable looks were exchanged across the table that seemed to explode the dense atmosphere.  
Instead of responding to anything Val had said, Lisa shot Jack a sharp look from the side before forcefully pushing her chair back and got up. Hit by his wife's ice cold eyes, he was trying to find some words to say but she already rushed out the room and into the kitchen where the spot that was hidden behind the wall swallowed her like a black hole.  
It became quiet for a moment. The awkwardness in the room was strangling him now and rose the desperate urge to escape.  
"Excuse me.", Jack only said, got up and didn't only follow his need to leave the room but also his wife into the kitchen. Right now he couldn't care less about the gazes that were hanging on the back of his body.  
Jack saw Lisa standing at the sink, her back to him and her hands clinging to the edge of the counter as if it was the only thing that was holding her up. With that dropped head and the avoidance that was radiating form her body, Jack was set into a feeling that maybe leaving her alone was the better idea, but he couldn't. He simply couldn't leave her alone with this. With whatever was going on between them. So although it hurt him to push her even more, Jack stepped next to the kitchen table and watched her worriedly from there.  
"Lisa?", he started softly, "What is going on?"  
She didn't turn. Didn't manage to look at him and after a long moment of silence, Jack was just starting to speak up again when finally a weak and cracked response came from her side of the room.  
"I can't."  
"I can't go on like this."  
The sentences were spoken by a voice that sounded so exhausted, so devastated. It convulsed his heart and made his body cringe from the pain that was caused by it. Before he was able to say something, Lisa turned around. The lines on her face looked so sunken and hollow in the shadows of the dim kitchen light and in her eyes shone a dark glimmer that had taken in the light blue husky shade he loved so much. It kind of startled him a bit as watching her standing there, broken in her optimism and happiness. What had he done wrong to let her being ended up there?  
"I no longer can deal with-", she broke off in mid-sentence when suddenly Val walked into the kitchen. As soon as she set foot into the room, Lisa turned away again, avoiding any contact with the other woman whatsoever. Jack could almost feel the discomfort that was covering his wife's body like a blanket.  
"I, uhm, I'd better be going. Thanks for the dinner Jack.", Val let slip and fortunately had the decency to leave it at that.  
Jack just put on a forced smile and nodded but didn't offer to accompany her outside. Val left on her own after giving the couple another last glance.  
As soon as the door closed behind her and her steps were heard on the porch and stairs outside, Lisa turned back around. Jack immediately went for it, not wasting anymore time in trying to figure out what was going on. However, this time he met an angry face that stared at him without understanding.  
"Could you please tell me what is going on?", despite the impatience that was boiling like hot water in his gut he tried to keep his voice down. After all they still weren't alone in the house. The lack of privacy was still an obstacle that stood between them and hampered the process of their argument.  
"I can't believe you still don't get it."  
"Get what?!"  
"It feels as if you and me ... we don't share anything lately."  
"This is true. Maybe it's because you keep avoiding me.", he hissed through clenched teeth.  
"Oh now it's my fault?", her voice rose now which it didn't do very often and which was a clear sign of indignation. Jack quickly changed his tone. There was no need of shouting at each other. This wouldn't solve any problem.  
"No. That's not-"  
"How could you not tell me that Val had not only been here for dinner multiple times and you apparently chat about things concerning my private life but that she stayed here for two days in a row?", she came out bluntly.  
Obviously, they were finally addressing the topic that had made her so upset in the first place. At least she started to let off some steam, but Jack kept his tone down to not push her more than she already pushed herself.  
"She needed my help.", he explained, yet was getting a disappointed look from her side.  
"Yeah? And I didn't?"  
"Lis.", Jack started but stopped and couldn't have chosen a more appropriate moment since the rest of the family was just pushing through the kitchen.  
"Sorry to interrupt. We just thought you two would need a moment for yourselves.", Lou excused and pointed towards the door, indicating that they were about to leave, maybe spending the rest of the evening in the little apartment over the barn.  
After having been distracted again, Lisa turned back to Jack, awaiting some kind response, but he just couldn't think of one, especially now with everyone standing in the kitchen. Her last words hurt. Especially since he knew that she was right. It were exactly those kind of words that he had been trying to avoid, persuading himself in the belief that she was having everything under control at Fairfield, that it was okay with them living and working at different places. Apparently, this belief couldn't be more far off the truth.  
His hesitation put a defeated expression on her face. She had been hoping that he would have admitted the mistake he made, that he understood her pain and her needs. Obviously, an answer wasn't to be expected soon, so Lisa decided to give herself a break and leave this painful moment.  
"It's okay. We are done here anyway.", she replied dryly, "Excuse me, I need some fresh air."  
In a rush and avoiding the hand that was reaching for her arm, she hurried towards the door, that fell back into its place after Lisa walked out the house.


	30. Chapter 30

(I am soooo thankful for your many great reviews! thank you so much. They really help me to keep the story alive.  
So here is a shorter but not less important chapter for you. Get ready, set, go!  
Working on the next.)

Chapter 30

The truck rumbled down the driveway. Illuminated snowflakes were hitting against the windscreen as Jack drove towards the dude ranch cabins. The weather had worsened quickly and within half an hour the wind had sped up dangerously and thus blew strongly across the country. The headlights drew cones of light across the path that the truck was following and Jack's eyes scanned the surroundings thoroughly.  
It had been two hours already since Lisa left the house and while he was unsuccessfully checking every little corner around the main side of his property, the temperatures had dropped rapidly. It was too cold for someone to stay outside for long, especially since it was already pitch dark. He hoped that Lisa stayed on the paths while taking a walk but quickly came to realization that those paths were already covered in deep snow and didn't differ from the rest of the ground. Lisa knew her way around here. At least she did before the accident. They hadn't done much walking since then and with the snow and the darkness everything looked different which would cause her easily to get lost. He was afraid that Lisa was no longer walking on any of those main paths but was somewhere among those tall trees that stood tightly together here and there or on one of the big wide fields which spread across more than 600 acres. There was no chance to search the whole area for her during the night. He had to find her now. It's been too long already.  
Worry and guilt spread like a dark cloud in his heart that was pondering hard against his chest and mingled with the unpleasant feeling in his gut. The course of the evening had gone badly and he was sure now that taking Lisa back to Heartland hadn't been a good idea. There were just too many people, too many distractions which he thought would help to blew all the problems away until they would get some time to talk to each other. That it would help to lighten up her mind and make it easier for her to talk to him. Those problems however were strong and prevalent. Nothing would be able to distract Lisa from them. She was drowning in a pond of problems and he was standing at the edge, helplessly watching her going down. He couldn't save her. Not alone. He needed her help. He needed her to open up to him. They would save each other when they pulled together. Like they always did.  
A strong gust of wind hit against the side of the truck and Jack's hands held on to the steering wheel firmly. He was passing the fence now that surrounded the dude ranch. The cabins lay dark in front of him, to his right stood the shelter for the horses that was now empty since to animals had been moved up closer to the barn for the winter. The dude ranch side looked abandoned like a old western town. Mitch and Lou had winterized the buildings to secure them from the weather extremes. Everything lay hidden under the blanket of darkness. Only the lights of the truck hit the objects in front of it and thus gained the cowboys only attention. There was no one to be seen. Not in the limited area that was illuminated.  
Jack stopped the truck, grabbed the flashlight from the passenger seat and got off the vehicle. Like needles the snowflakes hit hard against his face and he pulled his hat deeper to prevent it from being blown off.  
"LISA!", he shouted into the storm but instead of flying out into the distance the words seemed to come back right away and swirled around his head before vanishing into the air. The wind was too strong than to carry his voice across the dude ranch. With one hand on his hat and one hand moving the flashlight from left to right, Jack scanned the area and walked towards the cabins.  
He was so desperate to find her here. The thought of her being somewhere out in the fields terrified him. He should have let the family know, that he was going to look for Lisa. They could have helped. They would have been much faster. There would have been a much bigger chance of finding her. But he didn't. He didn't tell anyone and no one knew where he was, what he was doing. He was alone and the time would be running out soon. If Lisa was still somewhere outside, she must be freezing now. Jack couldn't even remember if she took a coat. She had been so upset when she left the house. Her mind totally lost in her anger and disappointment instead of thinking of dressing warm enough for the walk.  
"LISA!" , he tried again.  
The cone of light flew across the frozen lake to his right and a shiver immediately ran down his spine.  
The lake.

-  
The thought that was now running through his head, establishing itself more and more into a horror scenario, took his breath away. He gasped for air. He couldn't breath. No. The lake. The frozen lake. What if-  
Jack stumbled forward through the deep snow, still trying to find his breath. The storm blew violently against him, keeping him away from the lake, not allowing to get closer faster.  
"Damn it! LISA!", he cried now. Like a hallucination the picture of her broken through the ice of the lake was spinning wildly in front of his eyes. It was paralyzing him and with his foot stuck into a deep snow drift, Jack fell forward and hit the ground. There he lay for second, trying to catch his breath.  
A moan escaped Jack's mouth before he found his words again and cursed into the night.  
The flashlight had fallen out his hand when he fell and now lay a few meters next to him. Jack crawled over, took it and tried to get up, when suddenly something in the near distance caught his eyes. The beam of the light had only accidentally brushed what was laying there on the small spot close to the little wooden patio with the fireplace. Under the only tree that was standing on the edge to the lake and about twenty meters away from him, the light embraced a huddled figure.  
It was hard to make out the details but Jack noticed the familiar clothes and without thinking about it another time, forcefully pushed himself up.  
"Lisa-", he breathed and hurried over only to fall onto his knees right beside her. She was laying on her side, knees pulled up and her arms wrapped around it. Jack took a hold of her shoulder to turn her around and check if she was still conscious. Luckily but with shock in her eyes, she stared up at him.  
"J-ja-ck.", it came faintly across her shivering lips.  
"Lisa, what... what happened? What-", his fingers trembled as they moved some hair from her face and feeling the cold on her skin. She had been out here for too long and the red-bluish shade on her lips and skin were enough proof that she seriously started to become hypothermic. Without another questions Jack took off his own winter coat and threw it around her body, lifting her up into a seated position.  
"I'm cold.", she whispered and fell exhausted against his chest. Her body shook violently against his body while he was softly stroking her hair.  
A thousand possibilities of shelter were running through his head but he wasn't able to catch one of them; to decide which was best and would get her out of the snow storm the fastest.  
Jack closed his eyes for a short moment and tried to calm down. His hand was now holding the side of her head against him and shielded her from the strong wind. Finally he was able to catch the breath he had been missing all along. Jack inhaled deeply and the clouds in his mind gave way to one clear thought.  
The cabins.


	31. Chapter 31

(Alright, here it is. Be prepared for a lot of talking!  
One more thing: I am planning on finishing this story in the next chapter(s). Don't get me wrong. This story has really grown dear to my heart and I would love to keep on writing, but I am facing a stressful time until summer (exams and stuff) and I just don't like to let you wait for so long. So, I think it's time for this story to come to an end. But enough of this. Now please enjoy the chapter. Hope you like it.)

Chapter 31

A little flame started to dance around the few wooden logs that had been piled up in the fireplace. Now with the small source of light the inside of the dude ranch cabin came slowly back to life. It had been pitch dark inside. The closed window shutters and the wooden panel that was used to secure the windows themselves were causing such a darkness that made it impossible to see your hand in front of your face. Besides the lack of sight it was also bitterly cold and Jack wondered if going back to the house would have been the better idea. But they were here now and the cabin at least would shelter them from the intensifying storm outside that was howling across the rooftop. There was no way Jack would set a foot back out there again tonight. Besides, and maybe that sounded selfish, but he was glad that they finally ended up at a place to themselves. Maybe it would give them some time to talk. Yet, Jack wasn't sure if his wife would have the strength to talk after what happened outside. Whatever happened. Jack still wasn't sure why she had been laying in the cold instead of looking for shelter herself. She was weak when he picked her up, carried her over to the cabin, found the spare key hidden under the turned down flower pot and stepped inside. Knowing his way around, he straight went through the darkness towards the bed, where he gently put her down and grabbed the duvet and quilts to wrap them tightly around her body before starting the fire that now was dancing funnily behind the fireplace screens and had evolved into one strong flame that sent out warmth and light.

Jack finally turned around.  
Lisa was still sitting in the same position he had left her there on the bed and still looked shocked by the incident and cold. Her eyes were fixed on the spot of the mattress right in front of her and although the constant shivering had subsided it still overtook her body like waves.

Jack got up and walked over to sit down on the foot of the bed opposite her. It didn't cause her to look up and so they were sitting quietly like this for about fifteen minutes. He watched her the entire time while the recent events of the evening were replaying in his head. Everything that happened tonight was one more add to their unstable marriage that was now laying like a roadkill between them. Jack remembered their talk a couple months back when she made the decision to stay at Fairfield full time, not wanting him to drive back and forth every day. Neither of them liked the idea but it was for the best. Technically, yes, but not for what it actually did to them. It departed them in every possible aspect and the promise he made at the end of this talk, to make it work despite the separation, failed miserably. It was the second time Jack couldn't keep a promise to her and both times it nearly ruined what they had together.

The plan of keeping Fairfield Stables going and to give Lisa the opportunity to go back to work after the accident, seemed so wrong now. It only had brought them more misfortune than the hope to get their normal life back. They ended up on the totally opposite side of where Jack had pictured them when he decided to do everything to keep Fairfield alive, to involve Dan and to talk Lisa out of the idea to sell the place or devise it to Georgie. Everything had led into a completely wrong direction and now with all that had happened, Jack had to admit that letting the operation go and get used to the changes that were crossing their life would have saved them all the problems they were dealing with right now.  
It was time to let her know that he needed her back with him, that he didn't expect her to maintain her business at all costs, that she had been right all along to let it go.

After this journey of thoughts, Jack focused back on the woman in front of him. Her body had calmed down fully now and in the soft light of the fire he could see the warmth displaying on her face. Apparently, he had found her just at the right time to prevent her from serious damage but still was worried if there was a chance of talking tonight.

"I didn't mean to scare you like that.", she suddenly started and her voice was as quiet as a whisper, yet Jack was relieved that nevertheless it sounded stable.  
"How are you feeling?", he asked carefully while watching her thoroughly and not going into the topic how much she really did scare him. She scared the heck out of him and the thought of finding her in the lake was still giving him the worst chills.  
"I think I'm okay.", she said and he could see her really thinking about the question but didn't add anything else to it. He wasn't sure if she was being honest or if it was just another time of avoiding him. There really had to be an end of this. No more whitewashing now. He wanted to hear the truth.

"Lisa. We need to talk."  
This finally made her look up. Her hair was still damp from the snow and a bit messed up by the wind. He reached out and stroke some wild strands back behind her ear before continuing speaking and emphasizing the need of a conversation.  
"Do you think we can do this now?"  
She looked down.  
"Why won't you talk to me about it?"  
"I just don't want to bother you."  
"Lisa.", he took her hand that was laying in her lap in between the two edges of the blankets that left a small gap in the front, "I need you to share things with me. Those kind of things. How am I supposed to help when I have no idea what's going on?"  
"It's just...I have caused you so much trouble already."  
"This doesn't mean that I will ever stop being there for you.", he lifted her hand up to his lips to press a soft kiss upon the back of it.  
"Please, tell me. What happened out there?"

"I can't walk.", she finally said after some hesitation.  
He looked at her troubled. This came unexpected.  
"Not entirely but I keep losing the feelings in my legs. It comes and goes and it happens without warning and-", she broke off here. Jack sensed that it was a topic she found hard to talk about. Of course. Regaining the ability to walk was all she wanted. Not being able to walk was one of her biggest fears and the reason for the ongoing depression.  
"This then wasn't one of the horses.", he pointed at the still visible graze at her hairline, understanding now that she hit her head on something when she fell.  
She shook her head.  
"So it happened out there again? Lisa, since when have you been dealing with that?"  
"A couple weeks...and no, no I haven't talked to the doctor about it yet. Harry is the only one who knows and only because he accidentally saw me falling."  
Harry? Now his weird behavior made sense. He was a very loyal person and hadn't said anything because Lisa probably asked him to keep quiet about it; to not worry – bother Jack with it. After all they had been through concerning her ability to walk, it hurt that she hadn't filled him in about the recent circumstances. He could have guessed by the worsening way of her walking but to be honest, he had barely seen her in those last few weeks so how could he have come to the conclusion that she was dealing with setbacks?

Jack wasn't sure how to react to the confession without upsetting her again.  
"I should have told you, I know and I am sorry.", she admitted herself and he was relieved she said that. His hand squeezed her fingers emphatically.  
"There are just so many other things and ...and I was afraid once I started to... to tell you I had to tell you everything else that is going on, too."  
"I wished you had.", he said and tilt his head slightly. She looked at him like a beaten dog.  
"What else are you dealing with?", Jack encouraged her to go on.

Again Lisa hesitated with either whether to tell him or how to tell him. Her lips moved noiselessly while she was trying to find the words but succeeded eventually.  
"It's over Jack."  
This put a frown on his face.  
"What is?"  
"Fairfield. I've tried so hard...to..to ... manage everything but... I'm worn out... I'm tired... so tired..."  
By the sound of her faltering voice Jack could tell that things at Fairfield were another point that had worn her out and immediately felt even worse for forcing her to continue the work there.  
"Tell me what happened."  
"Dan happened.", she looked straight into his eyes now, "I lost most of my clients on him."  
"What? How?"  
"Well, it's obvious that people that are spending a lot of money on horses are not really convinced when I tell them that despite the accident, I am okay and that everything is going back to normal. Especially since nothing is going back to normal. Even if I tried, I can't do what I used to do at Fairfield. So, of course Dan earned a lot of reputation with what he achieved while I was unable to do anything and of course he won over all my clients, too. No one wants to make business deals with a woman that only half remembers the role she plays in an operation like Fairfield. And to be honest...most of the time I really have no idea what I am doing or supposed to be doing. I - "  
"Lisa, now stop.", he cut her off. She was talking so wildly, so contemptuously that Jack wondered if she was angry about Dan or herself.  
"What about France? Is Dan still there?"  
"Same thing. I've lost everything."  
"He took all your clients there. too?"  
"Well, you know him. Of course, he says he didn't but I can imagine what he said to make them switch business partners. But who can blame them? Look at me, Jack. I'm a wrack. There is no way people are ever going to buy from someone that is neither reliable nor resilient."  
Those last words were spoken with so much conviction that they hurt as soon as they left her lips. Jack knew that his wife had a hard time getting used to her state but he hadn't realized that the picture of herself was still so negative. After she started to walk again and her agreement to return to Fairfield Jack got the impression that she also started to believe in herself again. Apparently, the recent circumstances have not only set her back in walking but also in her self-confidence. It wasn't like her to talk that way and it was painful to witness her confidence changing into self-hate.

"You are not a-", he started to oppose but this time it was her that cut him off.  
"You know what, it doesn't even matter. I...I know you want me back at Fairfield and that I carry on with what -"  
"Ho- Hold on for a moment... ", Jack raised a hand to indicate her to stop. He needed to get this topic off his chest before she could go on any further.  
"Yes, it was me that wanted you there. I urged you into something you didn't want to do in the first place. Truth is, I wanted us to get back to the life that we used to live. As if the accident never happened. But we...I can't make it disappear. It happened. It's there and it changed everything. I wanted to ignore the fact that there is no way back.", he explained and already felt much lighter but the pain caused by the changes was still there. Now that it was spoken out loudly, that their life before the accident will never return, it was even harder to accept it. Lisa wasn't the only one that had a hard time getting used to everything.  
The eyes that were watching him now sent out so much sorrow.  
"I'm sorry that I'm causing you so much trouble."  
"I'm not the one I worry about. It's you. I'm worried about you, Lisa because ... it's so hard to approach you when things aren't going too well. You are so withdrawn that it scares me to lose you that way."  
"I'm just used to figure things out myself, Jack."  
Yeah, he knew that. That's what the years with Dan had taught her and Jack hated that man even more for that.  
"You are strong and independent and you've learned to fight through bad times alone, but I am not Dan. I would never leave you when things get ugly."  
She sighed.  
"I know. I just didn't want to give you the feeling that you had to stay with me. Especially during the storm and... ."  
"And what?"  
"Well, you have people and things to take care of over here."  
"And I have you.", he said quietly but meaningful. Why was she thinking so less of herself? Why was she thinking she was less important than the others, especially when she was his highest priority these days.  
"Last thing I wanted for you was to feel torn between everything so I just kept it to myself.", she admitted.

Silence emerged and with all that talking that had been going on, the two hadn't heard any of the storm that was still going outside. The wind howled aggressively through the chimney and let the flame dance frantically through the fireplace. They only could guess what was going on outside and although Jack usually would worry about the things that were going on up at the barn, he had no time to think about that now.  
"This was a really stupid thing to do, Lis!"  
She looked at him with an offended expression.  
"No one over here has gone through so much over the last year like you did. No one needs my help as much as you do. I would have helped, I would have stayed with you if you had been honest with me from the beginning."

Suddenly the tide seemed to turn. They were no longer talking about her. Now it was about him. Him being the next problem she was dealing with. Jack knew that she was about go down this line now. He knew that look in her eyes and braced himself.  
"So now we are talking about honesty, yes? You haven't been perfectly honest with me either.", she snapped almost snidely and pulled her hand from his that had been laying there the entire time.  
"Let's not go there again.", he warned, trying to turn the page already but she was determined to make him speak to the topic that he was trying to avoid.  
"Why not? Is there more I should know about? What happened while Val stayed here during the storm?"  
"Lisa-"  
"Just tell me. It's not as if I couldn't deal with one more problem...", she spit out sarcastically and held his gaze firmly. Deep in her blue eyes however, Jack could see the weakness and vulnerability shimmering through.  
She was done.  
If he would confirm any of the presumptions she was having about him and Val, it would mean the end of her. As much as it hurt to know that she was thinking that way, that he would ever betray, cheat on her, it was also one last chance for saving of their marriage by putting things right. A chance he needed to grab by telling her the truth.  
"Why don't you trust me in this?" , he asked bluntly.  
Lisa was obviously stupefied by the turn of the tables. She didn't expect that coming.  
"I do trust you."  
"Well, I think you don't. What makes you think that I would reciprocate Val's absurd attempts on me? Haven't we talked about that matter years ago?" He was upset. Upset that they were going through all this yet another time.  
"Yes we talked, but have you talked to her yet? She is still lingering and waiting, Jack. She's ready to jump in any moment our relationship is shattered into pieces. She still has hopes and it won't stop until you make it clear to her."  
"I've known Val for a very very long time and we have been neighbours for almost the same amount of years. I don't want to be the one ruining that friendship just because of some overreacting."  
"You really think I'm overreacting?", she snapped again, angry that he wasn't taking her feelings seriously.  
"No, I mean...Lisa, come on...", he said, tired of this consistent topic. He just wanted it to end. He had never been interested in a woman like Val Stanton. How could he make Lisa understand that?  
"When the truth ruins the relationship between you two then this would be her choice and not yours. It is not your fault when she can't deal with it.", she kept on speaking. "But more importantly, - does your relationship with Val mean more to you than the one we have?"  
Hurt but awaiting eyes were meeting his now. He was shocked that she was carrying around such thoughts.  
"What? No! Of course it doesn't. You mean the world to me.", Jack tried to make clear.  
"Then maybe you should talk to her, because I really can't manage to stand up for one more thing. Even when this means to stand up for us."  
He knew that she was being right. It had never been about him betraying her but about him giving Val false signals and thus false hopes. He let her intrude into his marriage and all Lisa asked him to do was to tell Val off. The woman's attempts were useless and she needed to stop putting herself through this over and over again. He had to tell her to find closure. For her own sake and for the sake of Jack and Lisa's marriage. Especially for the latter.

With this understanding, Jack shook his head. If there was one person that had to put things right, it was he himself.  
"It's not you that has to stand up for us. It's me. I made so many mistakes...", he shook his head in disbelief about his sheer inability to make anything work. "I really can't keep one promise, can I?", he said with a crooked but apologizing smirk and saw her tearing up as the memories of their talks and his promises were coming back to life in her head. He felt so sorry for making those empty promises where he told her right before the accident happened that everything would going to be okay and after the decision to stay at Fairfield to make their relationship work despite the separation. None of this he was able to fulfill. Nothing turned out to be okay and he didn't make them work during the last months. How could she ever forgive him? What could he do to make her believe in them again? Was there still a chance?  
But when he looked back up, she was shaking her head now, too.  
"We both made mistakes.", she said, sharing into the blame and although he never expected her to and wanted to tell her wrong, Jack was thankful for his wife's thoughtfulness. She deserved so much better. So much better than anything that had happened to her in the last year. It wasn't fair that she was the one that had to go through all this suffering, all this misery.

"This accident has really stretched us to our limits, hasn't it?"  
"Yeah...", her voice sounded sad but it was her now who reached for his hand and taking it within hers again, seeking for their connection. A tear rolled down her cheek as they were looking at each other for a long moment of silence.

They both were tired and exhausted by all the difficulties they had gone through, the recent events and the talk tonight. It felt as if they were finally arriving at the end of something they needed to leave behind. As if they were awaking from the nightmare that had been haunting them for so long now. Like a wall it had stood between them, separating them and building up one layer of bricks after the other until it was impossible to look across it onto the other side. They had lost each other out of sight but now after that intense talk the wall had been taken down. The bricks that held it together were now laying to their feet, broken and battered into pieces. The effort of the hard work was visible in their eyes and the lines of their faces. Still, with all the heavy content that they had talked through tonight, Jack felt lighter in his heart. He was eager to leave all this suffering, all this darkness behind.

After they eventually digested the course of their conversation silently, Lisa wiped away the few shed tears from her cheek and blinked before she found her voice again.  
"So,", she sniffed briefly, "with all this finally said, where do we go from here?"  
There was only one place he wanted to be and this was her.  
"Wherever you go, I will follow you.", Jack whispered and caused her to tear up again, but this time the smile on her lips outshone everything and seemed to lighten up the room as the fire was slowly fading away.  
"See, I've missed that smile.", he said lighthearted. One sob escaped her mouth before she welcomed him back into her arms.  
That was the place. The place Jack wanted to be. There was no better place than to be in her arms, to feel her close against him, wrapped into a tight hug.  
The pond of problems lay dark and abandoned behind them. He had been able to retrieve her from that hole of doom until she finally stood back with him on the edge, taking a confident step away from it and into the future.  
Jack tightened his arm around her to make sure she really stayed with him when entering the next chapter of their life. He didn't want to go there alone.

Her body still shook slightly under his palm that lay on her back. Jack sensed that he should give her some time now. No more talking. So, he leaned closer but turned to lay down on his back and pull her down with him. They landed softly on the mattress and immediately fell into their usual position. Her body was leaning against his side, her arm around his waist and her head on his shoulder. Jack couldn't deny how much he had missed having her that close. The past lonely nights seemed much worse now that he got the chance to have her back, got that feeling back that despite all the changes, some things would stay the same.  
Jack took a hold of the blankets that were still laying around her and tucked them both in carefully.

They have found peace just at the right time as the light coming from the fire burnt out. Darkness spread through the room again. However, this time it wasn't mingled with coldness but with warmth that covered the couple like an extra blanket and let them drift off to sleep peacefully.


	32. Chapter 32

(Okay, here it is. The final chapter of Stay Strong. I can't believe it's over now. It's like letting go of something really dear to me. Oh man... but it's the right thing to do considering the small amount of time I will have to write in the next months. So, I want to thank you sooo sooo much for sticking around, reading this story and sharing so many many kind and wonderful reviews! I really couldn't wish for a more great audience! Hope to meet you again some time, hopefully for another story! Take care, everybody :D )

Chapter 32

The night brought closure and beginning at the same time. As if the page of a book had been turned and revealed a new chapter. A new chapter of life.  
Not only did the weather change from a horrendous snow storm to a clear morning that already showed the first shade of sunshine in the sky but so did Lisa's life.  
She was now standing at the edge to the little patio outside that overlooked the frozen lake on which the ice shimmered in the most beautiful way.  
It was early and cold and the snow covered the landscape in a thick white blanket. Everything seemed to shine and glimmer in its own beauty and even though the storm had been terrifying it couldn't have created a more mesmerizing scenery than the one she was looking at right now.

When she woke up about half an hour ago the darkness was disorientating. Lisa needed a bit to figure out where she was and what happened. The smell of cold smoke hung in the air and she could feel the cool temperature on her skin that was not covered by the many blankets she was wrapped in and kept her body warm. Lisa could also feel that she wasn't alone. The warm body next to her and the soft fabric of clothes underneath her palm revived the memory of the night and rose various emotions within her. The conversation she held with her husband run through her head like an audio tape and caused her to quietly get up, careful not to wake him. Lisa needed some fresh air to cool off her mind and to settle down the many heavy thoughts.

The frigid temperatures and brightness outside were just right to let the constricting feeling fade away and Lisa felt renewed by the air that was floating through her lungs and brushing against her face.  
Her legs had carried her strongly and safely through the deep snow over to the patio. Something drew her towards it. Some inner inspiration.

Now that Lisa was standing there more thoughts came to her mind. This place held many beautiful memories and one by one she started to remember them. Lisa stayed calm and patiently let the pictures come back to life. She wasn't excited about it, no. She was used for her memories to come back to her every now and then. She just had to find the right place that would trigger the right buttons in her head to bring back her previous life. The dude ranch and patio were such places and so Lisa relaxed and enjoyed the little private show in her head.

One memory stood out particularly. The night of their wedding. She remembered it clearly and could even recall the tingling feeling of the cold winters night on her skin. It was different to the cold Lisa was feeling right now while standing in the morning scenery that was just sending the first faint rays of the sun across the sky and changed the bluish glimmer on the lake to a violet tone.  
On the night of her wedding it was cold but at the same time Lisa felt warm by the excitement and happiness to marry the man she loved. She felt so happy and lucky and eager to face the future with him. Today however, the coldness was not mingled with excitement and warmth. It rather met uncertainty. Uncertainty about what might come to them in this next chapter. The accident had affected her confidence and trust in life badly. It was hard to stay positive and to believe in the future.

Once those heavy thoughts were back in her head and suppressed the good memories, Lisa reflected on last night's conversation once more.  
It hadn't been easy to tell Jack all the things she had been carrying around for so long and even tough everything was out into the open now, Lisa still didn't feel lighter but kept carrying the burdens on her shoulders. The problems were still there. Fairfield's fate was still on her, the temporary inability to walk would get the better of her when she least expected it and the problem with Val Stanton was still bothering her.  
The only good outcome of the conversation was that they shared things with each other. Now it were two people that had to deal with all those things but they hadn't come up with a plan to solve them.  
There needed to be plans.  
The night had been too short for this and the exhaustion too big.  
Maybe she could deal with some of them alone.  
Jack wouldn't like that.

A flock of geese flew across the sky towards the rising sun that was now peeking through the tree's branches. Lisa knew that those birds migrated for the winter, looking for some warmer place to live and coming back home when the cold season was over. Yesterday's late and unexpected snow storm must have surprised them and Lisa couldn't help but to see the similarity to her own life. Now that the storm was over it was time to return home, to a warmer and safer place. A place of comfort and family. Perhaps this way the other problems would be solved easily.

Suddenly the feeling of soft fabric brushing against the skin of her jawline, hands rubbing over her arms and the aspiration of breath beside her ear, startled her a bit.  
"Good morning.", a low voice appeared next to her before she felt his lips on her cheek and caused her eyes to shut to take in the moment of their closeness. There it was, her home, appearing just at the right moment.  
"Hi.", she responded softly with a smile. Their cheeks melted together and his familiar stubble tickled on her skin.  
Jack had wrapped her into one of those blankets they had been sleeping in tonight and put his arms around her to pull her in closer.  
She was glad he was here now and stood with her on this memorable spot.

They were taking a long moment to just stand like this, embraced in each others arms and looking across the beautiful winter scenery. There was no need of any words yet. The silence and their closeness spoke more than that and Lisa found the chance to come to terms with yesterday's conversation. This time in a more positive way.

She wasn't alone in all this mess. In this new chapter of life there was enough blank space to write a story that would include the both of them again. They needed to walk into the future together. No more loneliness. No more pushing away.

Jack cleared his throat quietly and his thumb stroke over the back of her hand that he hold onto dearly.  
"So,", he started to speak and she listened up, "what's our future plan?"  
It was funny how they both knew each others thoughts without speaking and Lisa loved this man even more for his ability and sensitivity to get into her mind so effortlessly.  
She turned within his embrace and looked up at him for a meaningful moment. Those grey eyes, framed by an age drawn skin watched her carefully. She could see the uncertainty, worry but at the same time encouragement and confidence reflected in them and knew that she could tell him.  
"I'm going to sell Fairfield.", Lisa said and her voice didn't leave any doubts about her final decision. They looked at each other closely. Her eyes spoke the rest of the words he would need for an explanation and softened the lines on his face eventually.  
"Okay.", he nodded.  
"You're okay with that?"  
"If this is what you need to do, I will support you all the way.", he assured and emphasized this promise by squeezing the spot on her back where his hands were resting.  
"Good.", she smiled gratefully and exhaled the tension that had bottled up nevertheless. The relief of letting go the first burden was coming in immediately. She would be letting Fairfield go. Her business. The business of her family. She was the one that would end this family tradition and couldn't help but to feel also guilty about it. Still, Lisa knew her father would have understood. He would have understood her decision after everything she had been going through this past year. He wasn't one of those people that expected you to put career over health, work over family, money over life. This was what differed him from all the other business men out there. This was why people had loved him, what made Fairfield Stables so successful. Lisa was raised and had grown up this way. Work was important but not as important than to sacrifice your life for it. Maybe this was the reason she had been drawn to Heartland in the first place. Because the family handled things just like that, on a whole different level, but basically they shared the same principles and beliefs. In Jack she had found a partner of the same mentality. Despite the difficulties in the beginning, Lisa knew this now, after all those years they had spent together.

Obviously sensing that she was lost in thoughts, Jack gently squeezed her again to focus back on them.  
"And what about us?", Jack asked carefully and almost reluctantly let her go when Lisa left his embrace. She looked across the lake again before walking around the fireplace to the exact same spot they wedded four years ago. He watched her from the other side of the fireplace and she could feel his uncertainty about her intentions.  
"Remember the night we stood here, saying 'I do'?", Lisa spoke, picturing them and all the lights that had surrounded them that night.  
"Yes. I'm glad you remember."  
"It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life, I will never forget."  
He waited for her to go on but instead Lisa took her time to just stand there. With closed eyes the memory replayed like a little nostalgic movie in front of her. She smiled by the beautiful pictures that were running through her mind.  
After a moment his footsteps on the snow came closer and stopped next to her before Jack took her by the shoulder and gently turned her towards him.  
She opened her eyes and looked straight up into his.  
"I need you. I really do.", she finally admitted.  
"I need you, too. And I am sorry. For everything."  
Lisa felt put back in time when Jack leaned down towards her and kissed her like he did on that night four years ago. Her nose nestled against his cheek when he pressed his lips firmer against hers.  
An exciting feeling spread through the lower part of her stomach and she grabbed the edge of his winter coat to not only hold on to him but also on to that moment.  
The first lines of this new chapter were written right here and Lisa knew that it was going to be a good one this time. The excitement and eagerness to master the future with the man she loved was back and there was no doubt that she would marry him over and over again.

They parted slowly to let the moment of intimate togetherness last a little longer and when Lisa opened her eyes to look at him, the sun was just rising above the treetops and bathed them into a golden light. Everything looked so renewed, as if winter was finally over and spring was greeting nature with new life, with new opportunities and new inspiration.  
Lisa just felt like that. At that very moment she discovered herself again. Her strength, her confidence, her positivity and love of life. She wanted to size the chance and work towards a normal life again. It wouldn't be the same as before the accident happened. This life lay in the past and with all the changes that had tripped them up, it was time to stand up again and walk on. She was ready and hoped he was, too.

Lisa slipped her hands around his waist and snuggled her body a bit closer against his.  
"So, I was hoping if you agreed on a little idea I have in mind.", she started and he rose an eyebrow. "Let's hear."  
"I need to get out of here for a bit, find some space to breath and get a new perspective on ...well...things. I was wondering if ... maybe you would come with me?"  
The thought of leaving for some time had been with her for quite a bit now. Whereas, Lisa had wanted to do it alone first, she wished now more than ever that he would join her. She didn't want to do it alone, she couldn't. So, the look in her eyes was pleading and hoping for an answer she would like. The lines on Jack's face were drawn into a smile now after he had come to a quick decision about it.  
"I would very much like that."  
"You do?", she reassured.  
"Yes. I think we both deserve something like that.", Jack nodded in agreement. Another soothing wave of relief washed over her.  
"Any plans where you want to go to?", he asked and the sound of fear that she had already chosen a far off country resonated in his voice.  
"I think that's something we should decide on together.", she said with a slight wink in her eyes. She knew how much he disliked to travel.  
He laughed, totally understanding the deeper meaning in her words.  
"Have I already told you how much I love you?"  
"Mhh, I can't remember.", she teased and her hand pressed against the lower of his back to animate him to lean down again while she tilted her chin up, asking him for another kiss.  
"No?"  
"No.", she breathed with a smile before their lips met a second time. They kept looking at each other for that short moment that brief kiss lasted before he pulled back again.  
His expression changed into seriousness.  
"But first thing you're gonna do is seeing your doctor.", he demanded.  
"And you will talk to Val, right?"  
"Deal."  
"Deal."  
It was more of a promise than it was a deal and the couple knew that they had to keep this promise and fulfill it to make the next steps, to write the next lines in that chapter.

They stayed at the lake for a little longer to watch the start of the new day together. With the rise of the sun, everything seemed to wake up now. There were multiple birds flying across and around the lake, squirrels were running up and down the trees and on the other side of the lake, among the trunks of two evergreens a red deer hind appeared and cautiously walked through the snow. Its nose was sunken into the white fluffy ground, apparently looking for something to eat that was hidden under that blanket of snow.  
All this time Lisa had spent on Heartland, she had never noticed the wildlife up here. The beauty, the quietness and the space to breath. Those were the moments she needed to find new perspectives, to find a life again she wanted to live.  
With a sigh and a little smile on her lips, the side of her head fell against his shoulder. They were heading into the right direction, she knew it and snuggled a bit closer into his side.

The End

(extra note: turns out the inability of Lisa's walking was a result of the stress and the amount of time she was standing on her feet and walking around. She was just not ready then to be up and about that much. So with selling Fairfield, which she really does in this story, the stress is gone. So at the end she will fully recover)


End file.
